Archive for Big Apple

Larva of the Living Dead

Posted in Science Fiction, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 26, 2016 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Island of the Dead

When East Coast homeless people die and can’t afford a funeral with all the extras (coffin, dirt, absolution) they’re buried on an uninhabited island just an autopsy away from New York. Sounds more like landfill than an island.

Island of the Dead

So this Scrooge McDuck rich guy gets the idea to buy the island, rebrand it as “Hope Island’, build a bunch of low rent slums on its bleak shores, thereby “cleaning” the streets of the Big Dirty Apple. As a PR move, it scores big with those who just want the homeless problem to go away. But the dead who live on the island think the idea sucks, so they turn themselves into cloud swarms of flies and maggots and attack the living.

Island of the Dead

Script padding includes a bleeding heart female cop trying to find corpse closure, a few expendable prisoners (they use jail guys to dig the graves, thus saving tax dollars), and an experiment to experiment on the tenants to develop some sort of space drug, no doubt for NASA, those ass hats. They even toss in a couple of angry rap songs to illustrate the plight of inner city citizens. (Like rap is even music – pffft.)

Gilligan's Island

Outside of accelerated decomposition of bodies after they’re bitten by gangsta flies and gangsta maggots, Island of the Dead (2000) couldn’t be more boring. The pace is excruciatingly slow (much like the maggot’s squiggly dance of death amongst assorted entrails), and the “dead” aren’t seen ripping the heads of the living and gorging on their brains. Stick to Gilligan’s Island (1964) for some real head-ripping action.

Island of the Living Dead

P.S. It is my express wish in life that you do not confuse Island of the Dead with the slight variation titled Island of the Living Dead (2007). And because you need something more substantial, that one is about a group of treasure hunters surviving a shipwreck only to find themselves stuck on a deserted island that’s been overrun with nasty ass flesh-eating zombies.

P.P.S. How can an island be deserted when its overrun by zombies? Movie makers be so dumb sometimes.

New York – A Killer Vacation Destination

Posted in Classic Horror, Scream Queens, Slashers with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 26, 2016 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan

Resurrected by an underwater electrical cable (a good source of power and vitamins for the dead), Jason Voorhees, the unstoppable hockey-masked serial killer is nearly showroom ready YET AGAIN. A believable though predictable beginning for Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan (1989).

Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan

A boat load of dumbass high school dumbasses are pleasure boating up the coast to go spread their dumbassery around New York. Jason loves boats (kyaks in particular), so he grabs hold of the S.S. Scream ’n Die’s anchor and gets a Lyft™.

Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes ManhattanWhat few survivors left escape by row, row, rowing the rest of the way to New York, where Jason follows. Strolling the well-littered streets of Manhattan, Jason punches a mouthy gangbanger so hard, his head comes clean off. A bit dramatic, but hey, JV was just excited to be anywhere except Crystal Lake for a change.

Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan

In town with a few days to kill (heh), Jason takes in the sights: Times Square, the sewer system (kind of the same thing), and a nightclub (he skated without paying cover). The movie’s ongoing joke is that one of horror’s most prolific killing machines could walk mostly unnoticed among the city’s jaded residents.

Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan

Jason gets a taste of New York hospitality when toxic waste is poured into the sewer and his flesh dissolves like Alka-Seltzer™ after a long night killin’ it in the City That Never Sleeps. (He’ll be back.)

Say what you will about the Big Apple – you can’t get this kind of entertainment in Los Angeles.