Sparse Horror, Demonic To-Do List, Evil Heaven

Minimalist horror/sci-fi movie posters say a lot with just images and not fancy logos to tell you what movie its representing. Kinda like flipping someone the middle finger without the need to say what the finger means in language befitting a merchant marine or a third-grader.

Here are some excellent examples of minimalist horror movie art, the first one being just a typewriter and a bloody hatchet, elegantly portraying the key components of The Shining (1980). An argument could be made for using the movie’s iconic snow maze with Lloyd the ghost bartender at the center of it. But hey, a typewriter and axe works.

Take a look at the other minimal horror art and see if you can tell what movie it represents. If you guess correctly, you win a cookie or something. And while you’re doing that, here are a few out now/upcoming horror and sci-fi movies that may or may not deserve a middle finger…

DEMONIC ALIENS: UFOs FROM INNER SPACE / Out now (VOD)

“Are what we call ‘Aliens’ actually demonic forces and using the phenomenon to further their agenda on Earth? With negative effects on many experiencers, from burns to psychological damage, it would seem there are nefarious forces at work here on Earth that may not be from outer space. The bible speaks of entities upon the Earth before man as well as ten dimensions that science and academia have long lost interest in exploring. Perhaps now is the time to go back to the ancient texts to gain insight into this ever expanding phenomenon.”

Other than registering as being Republican, what other agenda could demonic forces possibly have?

BLACK LAKE DIRECTOR’S CUT / FEBRUARY 27, 2023 (VOD)

“Aarya leaves her family in the city to pursue her passion for the arts. She is gifted a red scarf and is haunted by a Churail, a demonic and malevolent South Asian witch.”

This one came out in 2020, but now gets a sweet upgrade with lots of extras. I’m gonna go out on a limb here and say they added more demonic and malevolent stuff. Hope it doesn’t offend my spiritual beliefs. Just kidding — I don’t have any of those.

NEW WORLD ORDER: DARK PRINCE / Release pending 2023 (VOD)

“When God takes on the form of a man, a grief-stricken sergeant must battle his internal demons to defeat an evil empire.”

The evil empire being Heaven, of course.

DIRTY JERSEY / Release pending 2023 (VOD)

“Three friends go for an off-roading adventure in the Pine Barrens, but their friendship is torn to pieces, along with them.”

You’d think it was the Jersey Devil making bodily harm happen, but I watched the trailer and the creature looks like an adult sized rabbit wearing pants. And not nice pants, either.

Devil Barf, Ghost Coffins, Head Removal

How could 1973’s The Exorcist not be what the guy at the grocery store says is the scariest horror movie ever made when it has everything: religion gone wild, spin class barfing, multisyllabic naughty words, skull rotation, crucifix polishing, Latin beerspeak, demon boners… You’d have to go to church — or the Tug Tavern — to get that kind of party. Or do you? Now you can own an exquisitely detailed 1/10th scale model of the devil-possessed 12-year-old Regan MacNeil in her iconic bed pose right before she did a soul swap with backup priest Father Karras, making him jump out a five-story window onto the unrepentant cement stairs below…and Jesus not catching him.

From Iron Studios™ and BigBadToys.com: “Confined and restrained in her room on a bed with a padded headboard and foot-board to protect its occupant, a demonic evil entity possesses the body of a preteen girl, making her body physically distorted and covered in wounds. All the diabolic spirit that lives in her body wishes for is to cause the death of its innocent host. Considered by many as the most terrifying movies of all time, Iron Studios present their Possessed Regan MacNeil statue of the bedeviled protagonist from The Exorcist, one of the greatest horror films ever.”

While this limited edition statue doesn’t come accessorized with action puke (you can load up at the Tug Tavern), the model is hand-painted and made of bible-resistant polystone. And it will possess your wallet for $219.99 (estimated arrival 3rd quarter 2023). A suggestion would be to raid the nearest collection plate.

While you’re in confession (10 Hail Bloody Marys usually gets me off the hook —and puts me on other ones), here are a few upcoming horror movies that may or may not make you shout at the Devil — or your shoes… 

OPEN THE COFFIN / Out now (YouTube™)

“A detective investigates supernatural mystery murders that seem to be the result of a curse.”

Where would supernatural murder mysteries be without curses? That’s like having a used car sale without balloons.

IVANNA / Out now (YouTube™)

“A beautiful young woman, who has limited vision, and her family and friends are terrorized when they celebrate Lebaran at an old house in the Bandung area. She has visions of the previous owner, a Dutch woman named Ivanna who was murdered during the Japanese invasion of Indonesia in 1943. Now, Ivanna’s spirit has returned to the house seeking revenge.”

The ghost of Ivanna decapitates her victims. This no doubt is what’s causing the drastic decline of comb sales in Bandung.

KUNTILANAK 3 / Out now (YouTube™)

“Dinda, who is considered strange by the village children because of her strength, accidentally injures Panji and Ambar. Regretting her actions, Dinda asks Aunt Dona to register her at the Mata Hati School, so that she can learn to control her power.”

Just think of what you can do with super strength — open stuck peanut butter jar lids. Give me a minute and I’ll think of another one.

AMBER ROAD / Release pending 2023 (VOD)

“Amber Road is a hidden place in the digital universe where anything can be bought, sold and traded. It is a place where a person can fulfill their darkest desire or unleash their deepest depravity. And once you travel down that path, there comes a point where you can never return. A husband and wife awaken to find themselves trapped in a basement dungeon apparently at the hands of a serial killer driven by the demands and requests of sick and demented individuals finding a community on the dark web.”

Is it just me, or does this darkest desire digital universe sound like Amazon.com?

God Monsters vs. Mad Science

One thing that makes mad scientists mad (or “displeased”) is when no one believes you when you go around screaming at the top of your squeezebox that dinosaurs exist. Can’t blame ’em — that’d chap my stick, as well. (P.S. Penguins are real, too, man — I’ve seen ’em!)

In South Korea’s War of the God Monsters (1985), that’s the case with Dr. Kim, whose jacked up no one will listen to his Jurassic bark. So he finds a young (i.e. gullible) reporter Kang Ok-hee to prove his case. Soon, his drunk-talk of all things giant reptilian was vindicated when a bird-like Pterodactylus shows up and starts crapping on cars from on high. (Now would be the time to yell, “In your face!” Or something more florid.) 

So what does one do when feisty fossils start busting up the joint as if it were Taco Tuesday at the Tug Tavern? Kill ’em and make tacos, of course. Maybe the job won’t be as tough as first thought as the monsters don’t resemble biblical depictions of dinosaurs at all — they look like they were were made from edible Play-Doh™. While we’re on the subject, climate change is blamed for the Kaiju Jamboree; Arctic ice melts from carbon emissions (car farts), thereby waking the not-quite-extinct beasts from their ice tray nap time.

Originally titled The Flying Monster (yawn), the movie is Frankenstein’d together with stock footage from Ultraman (1966), Return of Ultraman (1971) and Ultraman Ace (1972). There’s even pilfered scenes from the 1971 Taiwanese flick, The Founding of Ming Dynasty. (Yeah, I didn’t know that and had to look it up.) The “acting” is written around generic scenes of monsters making buildings go kablooey, side-dished with requisite doses of cry-yelling, explosion smoke and some sort of flaming fire. The confusing storyline makes about as much sense as toy clay-sculpted monsters, but you don’t rent flicks like this for the gripping narrative. War of the God Monster’s best part? The title.

The Final Dead, Evil Clothes, Sex Zombies

Proceed with caution as there be spoilers ahead. For those who are hardcore (or even casual) Walking Dead fans, the final episode of Rick Grimes (Andrew Lincoln, whose father-in-law is hippie flute player Ian Anderson of Jethro Tull) was kind of a swerve.

Impaled by re-bar and barely escaping a herd/horde of walkers, Rick, bleeding out like a stuck pig, keeps passing out and hallucinating. Sounds like a night out at The Tug Tavern. Several past characters return to offer advice and to yell at him to wake up. Then he blows up a bridge over troubled waters, which cause a ton of zombies to cannonball into the raging river below.

Did Rick go ka-BOOM during the explosion? Not according to the last scene, which I won’t reveal. But it’s already in the works Rick will be back in not one but three impending Walking Dead movies, as well as directing a few episodes.

This is good news as I didn’t want Rick to go ka-BOOM. While we ponder the future of The Walking Dead without him, here are a few upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not make you wanna jump off a bridge…

CAM (November 16, 2018)
“An ambitious cam-girl wakes up one day to discover she’s been replaced on her show with an exact replica of herself. As this copy begins to push the boundaries of Alice’s Internet identity, the control that Alice has over her life, and the men in it, vanishes. While she struggles to regain what she’s lost, she slowly finds herself drawn back to her show and to the mysterious person who has taken her place.”

Okay, that’s gotta feel weird, being replaced by yourself. If that happened to me, I’d tell that guy to get a haircut and wear something else besides KISS T-shirts day in and day out for months at a time.

UGLY SWEATER PARTY (November 23, 2018)
On Christmas Eve at a campsite deep in the woods, an ugly sweater party is in full swing. Best friends Cliff and Jody arrive expecting some mistletoe action from the sexy twins who invited them, but soon realize that they are at a Bible camp. To make matters worse, Cliff is wearing a sweater possessed by the ghost of notorious serial killer Declan Rains. While the evil sweater slowly possesses Cliff, Jody also realizes that the party guests aren’t as innocent as they first seem.

An evil sweater. Welcome to the bottom of the barrel.

ARCTIC (February, 2019)
“A man stranded in the Arctic is finally about to receive his long-awaited rescue. However, after a tragic accident, his opportunity is lost. He must then decide whether to remain in the relative safety of his camp or to embark on a deadly trek through the unknown for potential salvation.”

Unless a polar bear eats his head off and snacks on his entrails as if unheated lasagna.

RABID (2019)
“Rose, a young woman who, after an accident leaves her scarred beyond recognition, undergoes a radical untested stem-cell treatment. While turning Rose into the belle of the ball, the experimental transformation comes at a price.”

A remake of David Cronenberg’s same-named 1977 classic, which was a remake of his 1975 sex zombie movie, Shivers (1975). Check out the plot: “The residents of a suburban high-rise apartment building are being infected by a strain of parasites that turn them into mindless, sex-crazed fiends out to infect others by the slightest sexual contact.” Forget condoms — wear a wet suit.

Comic Book of the Dead, Blindsided Apocalypse, Jungle Zombies

For those of us still in grief/shock over the cancellation of the insanely gory/bloody/goofy/fun Ash. vs. Evil Dead (Starz™ — 2015 to 2018) TV series, now comes a comic book that mashes together Bruce Campbell’s Army of Darkness (1992) character Ash, with his other famous role as Elvis in an old folk’s home going up against an Egyptian mummy in the wildly hilarious Bubba Ho-Tep (2002).

From the Dynamite Entertainment and IDW Publishing press release: “In Army of Darkness/Bubba Ho-Tep, Ash embarks on a soul-searching road trip to Texas on a hunch that Elvis Presley may still be alive and kicking (and supposedly vanquished a mummy)! What follows is a series of universe-spanning events that involve an Elvis jumpsuit with special time-travel abilities, a trip to 70’s Vegas, plus the reveal of an evil new Book of the Dead, the Necronomicon Ho-Tep.”

Hotels should put this in nightstand drawers as this looks to be our new Bible. The first issue of Army of Darkness/Bubba Ho-Tep #1 arrives February 2019. Until then, here are a few now available/upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not be worthy of a hotel nightstand drawer…

DEAD SQUAD: TEMPLE OF THE UNDEAD (available now)
“A group of young people become lost in the jungle during a river rafting trip and stumble upon a long lost ruin that is home to a host of mysterious monsters.”

Cool — jungle zombies! If the zombies could talk, I bet they’d say lost tourists taste just like a Piña Colada sandwich.

BIRD BOX (December 21, 2018/Netflix™)
“When a mysterious force decimates the world’s population, only one thing is certain: if you see it, you take your life. Facing the unknown, Malorie finds love, hope and a new beginning only for it to unravel. Now she must flee with her two children down a treacherous river to the one place left that may offer sanctuary. But to survive, they’ll have to undertake the perilous two-day journey blindfolded.”

They should’ve called this, “Pin The Tail On The Apocalypse.” Gotta be careful walking around the wastelands with blindfolds on, though; what you think is a hygienic gas station restroom could very well be someone’s front lawn.

REBORN (2018/2019)
“A stillborn baby girl is abducted by a morgue attendant and brought back to life by electrokinetic power. On her sixteenth birthday, she escapes captivity and sets out to find her birth mother, leaving a trail of destruction behind her.”

They’re calling this “Carrie for the Z-Generation.” Wikipedia™ tell us that “most of Generation Z have used the Internet since a young age, and therefore, are generally comfortable with technology and with interacting on social media.” I thought the “Z” stood for “zero”. 

30 MILES FROM NOWHERE (2018/2019)
“Five ex-college buddies return to the summer home of their youth for their scientist friend’s funeral. But mourning turns to terror when they realize their reunion is not at all what it seems.”

I wish I had a scientist friend. He/she could do experiments on me because that seems neat for some reason.

Soul Police

Religious fanatics are so stupid. First, they get a bunch of people to believe in their spiritual B.S., and then get them to do a group suicide. Poor business model — no one left to pass the collection plate. 

One woman, part of the cult who killed themselves in the name of RELIGION, survived. Clearly, she wasn’t very good at being spiritual. And she’s pregnant. Clearly, she wasn’t very good at birth control. To pay for this blasphemy she dies giving birth. Let that be a lesson to not mock RELIGION. 

Her daughter grows up to be 20 years old. This coincides with yet another group of religious freaks committing suicide. There’s an up and down side to this scenario if you think about it. The police think a serial killer is to blame. Sort of. Three “soul guardians” show up, looking like regular people, but with mystical powers that don’t include heat vision or the ability to shoot spider webbing out of their arm holes. Too bad. But they’re here for a reason. 

The Forces of Darkness are using the girl to help Satan get back to Earth, thereby causing more of the above. (I didn’t know Satan lived in outer space; isn’t he supposed to be at the center of Earth’s core, eating the Damned with a side of lava? Clearly, I have the wrong version of the Bible.)

The Soul Guardians (1998; called Toemarok in its homeland of South Korea), has more visual special effects than a religious fanatic’s conception of Heaven, and looks as slick as a televangelist. But evil doesn’t look evil enough, there are no steaming entrails or vomit-covered collection plates. I have to give props to the “soul knife,” though. That thing was cool and I wish to own one. Maybe if I rub the lamp harder, Jesus will pop out and grant me my fondest desires. 

The Soul Guardians, while mildly entertaining and whiz-bang visuals, needed more evil and less goodness. Or visa versa.

End of The World, Heritage Alligators, All Colors Matter

In a recent AOL.com article written by Lindsay Granger, it appears the YET AGAIN Christian prophesied end of the world is scheduled to happen on April 23, 2018. And how will this come to be? That stinky Planet X is scheduled to usher in the Nibiru cataclysm. Seems kinda mega-harsh. More so when you find learn that ominous space rock doesn’t even have one 7-Eleven™ on it. End of the world, indeed.

The Washington Post wrote that “Planet X’s imminent arrival has been predicted so many times before, in so many newspapers, and its existence has been debunked so thoroughly by NASA, that we are struggling to find anything interesting to say about the latest round of panic and hyperbole.”

Hocking a biblical loogie in the face of that, David Meade — a Christian numerologist — insists that on April 23, the sun, moon and Jupiter will align in the constellation Virgo and bring forth the start of biblical rapture. The Daily Express, counters with a nicely placed dick-slap to that theory, saying scientists have dismissed these claims, noting that this alignment occurs once every 12 years. (On that proclamation, the Earth already collided with another planet in 2011’s Melancholia. It was neato.)

IF the end of the world happens on April 23, 2018, I’d better get my laundry done; One should always wear a clean pair of britches to the apocalypse. And while we wait for our impending/un-impending doom, here are a few upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not leave you rapturous…

LAKE PLACID: LEGACY (May 28, 2018)
“Taking place several years after the events of the original film, Legacy finds the team of young explorers out to reveal the secrets of an area removed from modern day maps and hidden behind electric fences. However, once they reach the center of the lake, they discover an island that harbors an abandoned facility with a horrific legacy: the island is home to a deadly predator eager to feast on those dumb enough to ignore the warnings.”

Even though Lake Placid (1999) became exponentially sillier with each sequel (I’m looking in your direction Lake Placid vs. Anaconda/2015) — you really can’t go wrong with a 30-foot alligator making Scooby snacks out of those who would dip their meaty limbs in his bathtub. So yeah, unbitten thumbs up for this one.

BAD SAMARITAN (May 4, 2018)
“A valet develops a clever scam to burglarize the houses of rich customers. Things go smoothly until he robs the wrong customer, and discovers  a woman being held captive in the home. Afraid of going to prison, he leaves the woman there and makes a call to the police, who find nothing when they investigate. Now, the valet must endure the wrath of the kidnapper who seeks revenge on him, all while desperately trying to find and rescue the captive woman he left behind.”

A criminal with a moral conscious. Quit your day job, dude. Might be a cool twist, though, if he kidnapped the kidnapper. I wouldn’t begin to know what to call that.

ATTACK OF THE ADULT BABIES (June 11, 2018)
“The aftermath of a shocking home invasion forces three frightened family members to break into a remote country manor and steal top secret documents. Little do they know the stately pile is also the clandestine venue where a group of high-powered elderly men go to take refuge from the stresses and strains of daily life by dressing up in nappies and having a bevy of beautiful nurses indulging their every perverse nursery whim. Nor do they realize this grotesque assembly is compelled to refuel the world’s economy by very sinister, sick and monstrous means. As the bodily fluids hit the fan, the bloody carnage and freaky weirdness escalates.”

From early reviews: “Attack of the Adult Babies is disgusting, depraved, brave, bonkers, brilliant and quintessentially British in its humor and depravity.” Sounds like they have all the bases covered, although seeing elderly men in diapers might be a glimpse of my future.

MONOCHROME: THE CHROMISM (2018)
“Traded and sold like currency, the outcast people known as ‘Hues’, are hunted down after turning color in a black and white world.”

A black and white world that starts to turn into technicolor has been done before with 1998’s Pleasantville. That was a comedy. This one sounds more not comedy.

Religious Fireballs

In Believers (2007), YET ANOTHER cult wants to save your soul and take you to the other side of the galaxy where your unconditional faith will be rewarded with immortality. And to purify your soul, you must first enter the Gas Chamber of Salvation and divest yourself of all your earthly belongings: your KISS™ t-shirt and your life (which for SOME of us is the same thing).

The cult, lead by an older scientist-y looking fart, has convinced two dozen people he cracked the code, the one that proves God’s existence. (And here all this time we were worshiping the Bible instead of a math book. I am SO going to Hell.) It is further explained that everyone left behind will suffer total destruction via fire from the sky. (Whoever is planning on lighting candles and tossing ’em off your roof — not funny.)

Two paramedics are taken hostage by cult members. Locked in the Reflection Room (dirty bathroom stall with no toilet paper), their choices are to become one of the Believers and be saved from the fireballs, or be forced to take a death pill that also doubles as a breath mint.

One chooses poison, probably because it tastes better than gas chamber vapors. Everyone is locked into a room and the gas turned on. The medic pulls himself free from his cult handcuffs and force vomits the pill. Whew! Too late to rescue his buddy, though.

Jump ahead a month and the little girl lives with him and his wife in their sunny home and… Hmmm, the sky seems extra brighter today. Must be all those fireballs.

Steel Monsters, Dying As Art, Hell Boys & Girls

I’ve come to the unassailable conclusion that laying on the couch (in any direction) should be recognized as a form of exercise. And like working out, are you not tired after seven hours of laying there watching monster movies? Same as exercise. I rest my case.

Speaking of things that are lazy, here are a few upcoming horror and sci-fi movies (or “films”) that may or may not had  some sort of effort put into with the title or the plot…

HANK BOYD IS DEAD (June 27, 2017)
“Struggling actress/caterer Sarah Walsh is left alone to tend to the post-funeral gathering for Hank Boyd, a quiet loner who stood accused of a horrific crime. She knew Hank in high school and finds it hard to believe that he could do anything terrible. However, her opinion begins to change after she meets Hank’s brother David as the family’s secrets are exposed and the bodies pile up. If she hopes to survive and all because…Hank Boyd is dead.”

Sounds more like a CW™ mini series than a movie. Boring title, which indicates “meh” across the board. And before you start e-yelling at me for prejudging, I have watched “horror” movies almost exactly like this for years and decided to move on to more entertaining ventures, like street corner begging and dumpster diving.

UNIVERSAL CLASSIC MONSTERS (September 12, 2017/Best Buy)
“Seven classic Universal™ monster movies are getting the steelbook treatment, each featuring stunning black & white art by Alex Ross. The following films will be part of the collection: The Wolf Man (1941), The Invisible Man (1933), Creature from the Black Lagoon (1954), The Mummy (1932), Dracula (1931), Bride of Frankenstein (1935) and Frankenstein (1931).

Gotta hand it to Universal for finding new ways to re-package the same seven monster movies they built their empire on nearly 90 years ago. This time they’re putting the classic horror movies in steel boxes, not unlike what you would put a peanut butter sandwich in to nosh on during recess.

This is not a new concept; World Market™, purveyors of over-priced wicker couches, has been selling Frankenstein and Bride of Frankenstein metal hors devours trays every Halloween for years. I have the whole set. Still don’t know what “hors devours” are (sounds like a cannibal hooker). But licensed and over-priced trays are handy to put snacks on. Not crackers, though; those dang things slide right off onto your shag carpet, where crumbs are nearly impossible to get out.

FLESH OF THE VOID ( 2017/2018)
“Flesh of the Void is an extreme experimental horror feature, visualizing what it could feel like if the act of dying was a truly horrible experience. Shot extensively on Super 8 and 16mm, it is intended as a disjointed, surreal trip through the deepest and most violent fears of the human condition, depicting its subject in a radical, grotesque and raw manner, refusing to shy away from societal taboos.”

Pfffft — I go through the act of dying every time the bartender yells, “Last call!” Do like the premise, though, as I pretty much assumed kicking the bucket was a black (or white) affair. Black is where you go if you have unresolved anti-Bible skeletons in your closet. Or some ratty farm with Black Phillip landlording the place. I have no reference to the white end game. Maybe a Seattle beach during one of the three days it actually sunshines up here and everybody comes out of their caves with nearly translucent and sickly skin.

HELLBOY: RISE OF THE BLOOD QUEEN (in production/2018)
“This franchise reboot is reportedly aiming for an R-rating and a horror movie style. In the Hellboy comics, the ‘Queen of Blood’ is a powerful British witch, also known as The Lady of the Lake.”

Lady of the Lake. Wasn’t that the name of a tepid M. Night Shyamalan movie back in 2006? And wasn’t in a condo swimming pool as opposed to a lake? I would’ve changed the movie’s title, too; Lady in the Swimming Pool just doesn’t have enough zing. But I digress — happy to see Hellboy being re-booted. Now if they could just do the same thing with Plastic Man…

Charlie’s Devils

Did you know the Salem Academy for Women, a chick only boarding school, has a curriculum based on satanic principles and rituals with flimsy nightgowns? Surprised more gals aren’t applying for scholarships. This provides the framework for Satan’s School For Girls (1973), a great titled but thrill-less attempt to mix females with anti-Bible teachings.

Nevertheless, when Elizabeth Sayers’ sister, one of the school’s students, hung herself after being pursued by an unseen nemesis, she decides to enroll at the house of evil education herself to find out what the Hell happened. What she discovers is the school is having problems hanging (sorry) onto their students. They’ve been suiciding themselves after episodic freakouts, thereby leaving many homework assignments unfinished.

So what’s causing these mood swings? Girls don’t usually get all crazy emotional (or so I’ve heard). The handsome Dr. Joseph Clampett, one of the teachers, strikes meaningful poses and concerned looks when Elizabeth and her hot schoolmate/fellow clue digger upper Roberta try to Nancy Drew this mystery.

And this madness isn’t just affecting the ladies. One of the male teachers goons out, rants about some evil this and that, and ends up murder dead. This causes Headmistress Williams (she can be a real b-word) to go brain bonkers. Who can blame her? Bodies are turning up all over the place.

As Elizabeth and Roberta get closer to the truth, a saw-it-a-mile-away betrayal reveals that the entire school is participants of a satanic cult and Dr. Clampett, claiming to be the devil incarnate, is teaching the parent-less girls in the ways of non-God. He even wears a black cape with a collar so high, it looks like one of those medical cones they put on dogs. Outdated, but can still be worn to almost any ritual.

A face off and roaring fire, which is like a pleasant, warm foot soak to satanists, ends with one of the most face-slapping endings in made-for-TV horror. A notable side note: Kate Jackson and Cheryl Ladd appear in this one and later went on to become superstars in Charlie’s Angels (1976 to 1981 on ABC). That was a mighty fine way to get through puberty.