Archive for Best Buy

Ghost Shark: Bites From Beyond

Posted in Ghosts, Giant Monsters, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Scream Queens, TV Vixens with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 12, 2015 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Ghost Shark

2013’s Ghost Shark is memorable for a number of reasons, sub-budget special effects/dialogue/acting notwithstanding. But first you have to ignore the plot, which gives Ghost Shark its rai·son d’ê·tre.

After being fed a hand grenade thrown from a fishing boat by redneck a-holes, Ghost Shark’s corpse floats into a half-submerged cave where early settlers performed satanic rituals. (Okay, what?) It is here Dead Shark is converted into a glowing, transparent kill-beast able to trans-morph out of any body of water, be it a fire hydrant, bath tub, swimming pool, mud puddle and even a bottled water drinking fountain. And this is exactly what makes Ghost Shark’s 84 minutes of dumbassery entertaining.

Ghost Shark

GS crashes a pool party and devours teenagers. GS opens wide and swallows little kids on a Slip ’n Slide™, an unsuspecting youngster shooting down the shark’s throat as if a human oyster on the half shell. A mayor’s assistant pouring himself a cool and refreshing paper cup of thirst quenching death after GS leaves the bottled water container and is delivered to the assistant’s insides, where it splits the guy in half during the chewing out. (This scene alone is worth an Academy Award.)

Ghost Shark

Time wasters until Ghost Shark straps on the feedbag: a drunk lighthouse keeper, savaged by guilt for killing his wife in said satanic cave years ago who seeks revenge on GS. Not sure how that works. The smack-talking mayor going on a Jaws-driven balance-of-justice boat ride. (His crunchy death – being sucked down a watery toilet – as a true feel-good moment.) Tthen there’s the never-ending parade of young girls in bikinis and a really, really fat guy riding a jet ski that looked like it might get permanently lodged into FG’s ass crack on the next wave.

Ghost Shark

Back to the bikinis: Most horror films feature young gals in their 20s, probably still in community college or of X-rated movie age. Not so with Ghost Shark; The girls running around in kite string swimsuits are barely (heh) in high school. I felt somewhat dirty watching Ghost Shark make fish bait out of jail bait. I would’ve showered my shame away afterward, but hey – Ghost Shark possibly coming through the nozzle.

Ghost Shark 2: Urban Jaws

P.S. Ghost Shark 2: Urban Jaws (pending 2015) is not a sequel or related to Ghost Shark. It’s an indie movie (i.e., made with two New Zealand guys and a Best Buy™ video camera) that was supposed to have come out in 2010. Time to put down the Foster’s mates, and show us some of your Down Under horror. Okay, that didn’t come out right.

Zombie Rainbow

Posted in Classic Horror, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , on November 18, 2013 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Plaga Zombie: Mutant Zone

Do you like intestines, stomach parts and/or limbs separated from their plug-ins? Then you’ll totally heart Plaga Zombie: Mutant Zone (2001), an extreme gore gooshfest.

Plaga Zombie: Mutant Zone

Zombies here come in all the colors of the Dutch Boy™ rainbow: vein blue, bile green, ripped rectum red, even seagull egg white. A med student who can’t figure out how to do exams with his finger, a nerd-boy who doesn’t know what a female boob is, and a pro wrestler unite to do battle with this colorful zombie plague that has overtaken their Argentinian (!) urban village.

Plaga Zombie: Mutant Zone

But these brain-hungry zombies aren’t brainless – they’re being controlled by someone. The city has been cordoned off by the FBI, so it’s either have lunch or be lunched on. Along the way the pro wrestler employs the use of a ridiculously long intestine (that keeps farting) to trip up the zombie rappers, ninjas and poker players. (I don’t care what you say – fart jokes NEVER get old).

Plaga Zombie: Mutant Zone

Another excellent scene: where Max (the wrestler) rips an arm off a presumably dead body and uses it like a nunchuck.

Outstanding gore – and buckets of it: Heads go split, flesh goes rip, torsos go splat, eyes go burst. This ain’t drama, it’s art. Sure, it looks like it was made with a mid-range priced Best Buy™ digital video camera. But this isn’t the time nor place for Hollywood.