Archive for bear trap

Skin vs Fur – A Fashion Statement

Posted in Misc. Horror, Scream Queens with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on March 26, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Pelts

Rotund rocker Meat Loaf stars in Pelts (2006) as a furrier who runs a sweat shop (his shirt could count as one), and gets coat-making raccoon skins from a trapper. The trapper gets his raccoons from the woods. The raccoons are watched over by an old woman who lives in a shack and hasn’t mowed her lawn in years. She’s no doubt behind the curse that befalls anyone who takes the “pine lights,” a reference to the raccoons, whose eyes glow in the dark, the only part of ’em you can see when they’re up the trees ready to jump on your head get poison all over you.

Pelts

Meat Loaf frequents a strip club where he’s totally sprung on a supermodel dancer. But she won’t give up the good stuff because he’s fat and icky. He promises her a fur coat so awesome, she’ll do it with him, just you wait and see.

Pelts

A call from the trapper has Meat traveling way out in the woods to evaluate this so-called “best fur you’ve ever seen.” There’s a joke in there somewhere. When he gets there, he finds the trapper and his assistant dead, one of ’em with his face severed in half…length-wise. That’s what happens when you voluntarily put your head in a bear trap.

Pelts

Meat finds the fur and is simply aghast — this is indeed the best fur he’s ever seen. And he’s been to a LOT of strip clubs. (Heh.) Taking the pelts, he gets his workers busy making the coat. But during the night the curse kicks in and one worker sews her eyes, nose and mouth shut, thereby suffocating herself. Instant job opening.

Pelts

Meat takes the completed wrap to the stripper. It’s the best fur she’s ever seen, and she’s danced in a LOT of strip clubs. Trying it on, she gets all fuzzy inside and offers herself to the Meat. He takes it. But he’s not done, uh, showering her with gifts. He goes into the bathroom where a meat cleaver sits. All strippers have these kinds of knives in case they get a knot in their work bikini.

Pelts

With skilled precision, Meat slices into his arms and stomach and, in an inspired moment, pulls his own skin off as though it were a seamless shirt. He gives it to the stripper who doesn’t want it. (Probably not her size.) But a chase into an old elevator ends with arms and legs being severed and no one left to try on the skin shirt. Too bad — it looks like you could wear it with just about anything.

Work Yourself To Death

Posted in Foreign Horror, Slashers with tags , , , , , , , , on September 2, 2014 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Severance

A group of employees from weapons manufacturer Palisade Defense are sent on a retreat to learn how to be better team players, one of those ridiculously pointless things corporations do to their workers.

Severance

The indoor faces get lost in the outdoors until they stumble across an old cabin, which they think is a test by their boss to team together to get through the weekend. It’s totally not. Someone is in the woods and has glorious grievous bodily harm planned for all. To tell you what happens next would get me fired.

Severance

Mixing classic dry British humor with black comedy and measured gore, Severance (2006) is wickedly sharp, funnier than fun all and b-l-o-o-d-y. As several of the team turns up missing, there is no way in hell you can tell where this one’s gonna turn. The last 15 minutes are nothing short of genius (hint: includes two Swedish escorts, a bear trap and heavy artillery). Why are you still reading this? Go out and rent it right the heck now.