Archive for barnyard

Hillbillies vs. Horror

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Witches with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 14, 2016 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Pumpkinhead 4: Blood Feud

Four movies in and ’ol Pumpkinhead’s legend of vengeance is like my underwear: darker and wearing a bit thin. Not that Pumpy isn’t cool, because he totally is. Rather, they’re running out of ways to tell the same story. This time they thought outside the patch, where the ongoing battle saga between the “still backwoods hicks” Hatfields and the McCoys is still raging via their descendants. First thought is, why do we keep letting these hillbillies breed? Second of all, with one billion square miles in which to move, why do they always live next door to each other? Geez.

Pumpkinhead 4: Blood Feud

So a Hatfield chick is in love with a McCoy dude and they meet in private to feel each other up. A sort of Hee Haw re-imagining of Romeo & Juliet, their secret is discovered and in the process end up with a McCoy sister getting killed in the face. Legal disclaimer: It weren’t no Hatfield that done it — they was a’chasin’ her through the woods and she fell down a sharp incline and whacked her head somethin’ powerful agin’ that there yonder tree.

Pumpkinhead 4: Blood Feud

As could be expected, the McCoys think the Hatfields did it. So the “Luv U 4ever” guy goes to Haggis, the town witch, to call upon Pumpkinhead for vengeance. (Her witch shack has been upgraded with extra rats and decorative stink bugs). Also returning as a “spiritual advisor” is Ed Harley (aka, Lance Henriksen), doomed to walk the earth, caught between here and there, a penalty curse for invoking the Pumpster. The drag is he can’t even see his own dead son, the one whom he brought down Hell in retribution for. That’s f’d up.

Pumpkinhead 4: Blood Feud

Disregarding ALL the warnings, the McCoy kid calls on Pumpkinhead to kill the entire Hatfield clan (there’s like, 20 of ’em)‚ except his beloved skirt. So they can be together. Forever. (That boy needs to get a clue into the ways of barnyard booty.)

Pumpkinhead 4: Blood Feud

In an ironic twist of fate, the Hatfields and McCoys have to team up against Pumpsie. It doesn’t work, because like drinking beer, once it begins IT CAN’T BE STOPPED. If you’ve seen the previous three Pumpkinhead movies you’ll know how this one ends.

Pumpkinhead 4: Blood Feud

Better than Pumpkinhead II: Blood Wings (1993) and Pumpkinhead III: Ashes To Ashes (2006), Pumpkinhead 4: Blood Feud (2007) is more gory, with P-diddyhead stomping on faces (making ’em go goosh!), slashing open bellies to let loose the intestines within, gouging eyeballs, ripping off limbs and making that eerie noise that sounds like a rattlesnake with an electric toothbrush caught in it’s throat.

Somebody needs to quit making these sequels long enough to let Ed at least time to change his shirt. That thing has got to be stinking up the place good after 20 years.

Horsing Around With Horror

Posted in Evil, Fantasy, Misc. Horror with tags , , , , , , , , , , on January 16, 2015 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Horsehead

Horses, despite being a somewhat clean mode of transportation, are kinda creepy. They never talk and just stare judgingly at you, all the while planning to stomp you into road apples with their hooves of doom. And they invade your dreams, as depicted in Horsehead, a horror thriller due out later in 2015.

The pictures of Horsehead goons me out. That thing looks like something out of Barnyards Gone Wild. Here’s the plot to further goon you out…

Horsehead

“Jessica has never dreamed in her life but has had regular nightmares, the meanings of which have escaped her. This peculiarity has led her to conduct studies specializing in the psychophysiology of dreams and to follow a therapy with Sean, her mentor and boyfriend, to try to understand the origins of her nightmares.”

Horsehead

“After a rough first night made restless by a strange nightmare in which she meets her dead grandmother, Jessica suddenly becomes ill. Stuck in her bed with a high fever, the young woman decides to use her lethargic state to experience lucid dreams and thus try to take control of her nightmares. On the advice of Sean, Jessica needs to breathe a little bit of ether when a crisis arises to sink deeper into the other world.”

Hmm. No mention of horses. Maybe they’re hanging out in the other world’s pasture. It’ll be my luck if Horsehead turns out to be some guy in a mask. That would suck hard.

P.S. The trailer shows boobies.