Archive for barb wire

Dr. Feelgood

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Ghosts, Science Fiction, Scream Queens, Slashers with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 19, 2014 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Asylum

The Richard Miller University got an upgrade: the insane asylum ward, shut down for years, has been renovated and re-opened as a dorm for freshman arriving at college. (I’m sorry – did I just yawn?)

Asylum

It was in this asylum Dr. Burke performed experimental lobotomies on his teenage patients. Then his patients ran out of patience, wrapped him in barb-wire and subsequently made him the exact opposite of healthy. Not sure how, but Burke is back to continue his work. (Oops – another yawn.)

Asylum

Playing out almost exactly like Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors (1987), each student dies according to his or her dark past. For the muscle-bound jock, it’s being fat. For a cold hottie it’s being beaten by her boyfriend. (For me it’d be swimming in a lake of Budweiser™ – without fashionable swim trunks.) Burke, cracking jokes (but not as good as Freddy Krueger) transports his victims into the scene of their fear.

Asylum With Asylum (2008) you seen it all before, you’ve heard it all before. Burke looks like a Rent-A-Center™ version of a Hellraiser (1987) Cenobite with the bondage leather and barb-wire shirt, but he has neither the wit nor style to carry it off. Once impaled by his own lobotomy picks, black stuff leaks out and all the souls he’s collected over the years float away like hot-air victims. I have GOT to stop yawning as it’s so rude.

Two Werewolves = Twice The Fun

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Nature Gone Wild, Scream Queens, Slashers, Werewolves with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 14, 2014 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Blood Moon

Blood Moon, an upcoming werewolf movie, is described as a mash-up of comedy, horror and the western. Sounds cool – just as long as they don’t make the werewolves wear spurs that jingle jangle jingle.

Like all westerns, Blood Moon (no official release date set as of this e-scribble; be sure and check your sun dial) takes place in 1887 in Colorado. “A passenger-heavy stagecoach and an gunslinger are held hostage by two outlaws on the out with the law. Events take an unexpected turn when the travelers are stalked by a mythical beast that only appears on the night of a blood red moon.” I bet it’s a werewolf.

P.S. Do not confuse this Blood Moon with Bloodmoon from 1990, in which a serial killer, loose at an all girl school, strangles them with barbed wire. What a dick.

Bloodmoon

And since the only thing better than a werewolf movie is another werewolf movie, comes Wolves, releasing on October 16, 2014 on VOD and limited theater release in November 2014.

Wolves

Wolves sounds like somebody’s been watching Twilight (2008): “Cayden Richards, 18, has it all: captain of the high school football team; straight-A student; gorgeous girlfriend. But when he wakes one dark night to find his parents brutally murdered he is horrified to realize that he is turning into an animal: a wild, savage wolf.”

“Panicked, Cayden runs, determined to find out what is happening to him. His quest leads him to the strange, isolated town of Lupine Ridge, where two clans of wolves are on the brink of war. When Cayden falls for Angelina, the beautiful, young mate promised to another wolf, a battle to the death is inevitable.”

Two things: Cayden is a really dumb name for a werewolf. Secondly, when in fur form, he looks a lot like me after being denied last call…

Wolves