Archive for bar

Fear of Zombies, Ghosts, Haunted Houses and Refrigerators

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Ghosts, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Slashers, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 29, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Fear of the Walking Dead

I don’t want to alarm anyone, but I think I saw the Babadook again in the bathroom at the Maha (a local bar I hang out in). Given that the men’s room is basically a portal to Hell, I’m pretty sure if it wasn’t the Babadook, it’s probably some sort of Pee Demon from the Seven Layers of Urine Splattered Purgatory.

While I complain to the management, here are some upcoming horror and/or sci-fi to help loosen your bladder…

FEAR OF THE WALKING DEAD SEASON 3 (June 3, 2017)
“The families will be brought together in the vibrant and violent ecotone of the U.S.-Mexico border. International lines done away with following the world’s end, the characters must attempt to rebuild not only society, but family as well.”

Abandoned this one right after season one. Was unable to get into the extremely obnoxious characters and situations. That sounds like an oxymoron given the bars I frequent. That, and bar zombies are far more scarier than the ones in FWD. So, will I pick it up again and give it another chance, or will I keep making pithy, low brow comments on it? I think we all know the answer here.

Blood Drive

BLOOD DRIVE (June 14, 2017)
Los Angeles in the near future: where water is as scarce as oil and climate change keeps the temperature at a cool 115 degrees in the shade. It’s a place where crime is so rampant that only the worst violence is punished and where Arthur Bailey — the city’s last good cop — runs afoul of the dirtiest and meanest underground car rally in the world, Blood Drive. The master of ceremonies is a vaudevillian nightmare, the drivers are homicidal deviants, and the cars run on human blood.”

Cars that run on blood has been done before with 2007’s Blood Car. The rest of this plot snacks liberally on 1975’s Death Race 2000 and GTA. So why should anyone watch Blood Drive? I’m thinkin’ for driving tips.

Hush

HUSH (2017/2018)
“Siblings Jackson and Angela run a profitable ghost-busting racket, swindling the bereaved with fake detection equipment and Angela’s paranormal ‘visions’. Hired by Mrs. Green to investigate a haunted old foster home, the team uncover its terrifying past: young girls brutally slaughtered, mouths stitched shut, silenced by a sadistic killer. And Angela’s on the edge — sleepless, strung out and losing her mind, no longer certain what’s actually real and convinced she hears the girls crying out to her from the darkness. But supernatural terrors are the least of their problems when they discover the very real evil lurking in the isolated house.”

Paranormal ghostbusters are fake? All of a sudden I’m feeling very stupid for the $1,000 I paid out to a ghost specialist to exorcise my refrigerator that keeps making noises in the night. Sure, it could be a failing cooling unit, but why take chances? Now that I think about it, I could have easily bought a new fridge and had enough change left over to buy some frozen hot dogs (or “ballpark franks”) for future eating purposes.

The Prey

THE PREY (2017/2018)
“A platoon of U.S. Soldiers in the middle east become trapped in a cave and as they desperately try to find a way out they are hunted down by a deadly creature.”

Ooh, I hope the creature isn’t one of those nasty sand beavers. I hear those things are nasty.

The Haunting on Long Island: The Amityville Murders

THE HAUNTING ON LONG ISLAND: THE AMITYVILLE MURDERS (2018)
“On the night of November 13, 1974, Ronald DeFeo, Jr. took a high-powered rifle and murdered his entire family as they slept. At his trial, DeFeo claimed that “voices” in the house commanded him to kill. Thirteen months later, the Lutz family bought the house and stayed only 28 days before fleeing in terror. Their nightmarish ordeal shocked the world in The Amityville Horror. The Lutzes may have escaped from Amityville with their lives…but the DeFeo’s weren’t so lucky. This is their story.”

Unreal. YET ANOTHER Amityville movie. That makes seven in the last year alone and 20 altogether. Don’t believe me? Click HERE. People, It’s just a tragic real story milked to the bone by Hollywood. I, on the other hand, have a better haunted plot ready to go, written with plenty of angles for sequels. It begins with a possessed refrigerator…

Sun-burned Demon

Posted in Classic Horror, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Scream Queens, TV Vixens with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 26, 2016 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

The Hideous Sun Demon

In 1958’s sci-fi classic The Hideous Sun Demon (aka, Blood on his Lips), prior to that “being exposed to radiation” incident, Dr. Gilbert McKenna was just a normal kind of well-groomed and educated guy. But once an experiment with a new radioactive isotope wrecked his face and skin, Gil is definitely hideous, with the sun’s normally healthy rays transforming him into a scaly reptile fish thingy creature monster. Here’s the rub – he stays in non-beast form while indoors and out of the sun. But once he steps outside, bam! – insta scaly reptile fish thingy creature monster.

The Hideous Sun Demon

This makes him mega upset as there are so many beach bikinis left to ogle. Once given the news by his colleagues that there is no cure, Gil heads to the nearest bar to get fish stinking drunk. Excellent thinking. And it’s here he puts the sore in psoriasis. A non-sober man thinks Trudy, a glamorous gal with two really big talents performing at the club, is a hooker and tries to man date her. Gil steps in and punches the drunk sideways, grabs Trudy and heads down the ocean coast in his sweet convertible.

The Hideous Sun Demon

Gotta give it to Gil – he’s so smooth he talks Trudy into the ocean and out of her wet clothes. Of course, this is all in the dark. After they fall asleep on the beach and the sun comes out, Gil’s inner sun demon rises as well. So much for a second date.

The Hideous Sun Demon

From there it’s a lot of emoting, feeling sorry for oneself, hiding in the shadows, getting in another bar fight (and losing this time), and choking the life out of the neck of that guy who earlier beat him sideways with the help of some thug-like gangstas. No going back indoors for Gil.

The Hideous Sun Demon

Alerted to his monstrous skin condition, the police chase Sunny Jim up stairs surrounding a huge natural gas tank. By my calculations they made it to the top. You might wanna avert your eyes at this point in the movie; the camera follows Gil as he climbs and you can see a big stain on the back and front of his trousers. I found this to be quite hideous.

The Hideous Sun Demon

Mistake #1: Nowhere to go but down. Mistake #2: Firing a gun around a natural gas container. Mistake #3: Not having enough bullets. Mistake #4: Nowhere to go but down.

The Hideous Sun Demon

The cop manages to get the gun nozzle right into Gil’s chest as he’s trying like hell to strangle the hell out of the officer. Now fully air-conditioned, Gil takes the fast way down and makes a splashy exit. Emotingly, this is the end of the Sun Demon. But it still doesn’t explain why one of his shoes having been blown off by the impact, reveals a bare human foot. (Sun Demons don’t wear socks.) I guess radiation only affect oneself from the waist up.

The DNA of Horror

Posted in Evil with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 5, 2015 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

The Evil Gene

The Evil Gene is a new supernatural horror movie pending release 2015, and seeks to lift the lid and jiggle the handle on what makes bad people do even badder things unbecoming of socially-acceptable behavior outside of a bar. But as many attorneys over the years who have argued on behalf of their killer clients, they try to shift the blame on innocent demons that’ve taken up residence in the ’ol bent noodle.

So, yeah – The Evil Gene is a movie about possession, specifically that of the demonic persuasion. (Other types of possession include sweet refreshing alcohol, prescription drugs, and candy cigarettes.) And it’s up to science to provide a court-case study of this so-called “evil” gene.

The Evil Gene

Here’s what they’re selling us: “Scientists studying the DNA of mass murderers have discovered a rare gene, HSS-282, that they associate with violent, psychotic behaviors. Federal prison inmates possessing the gene have been isolated in a remote correctional facility for further observation and testing.”

The Evil Gene

“When an FBI Agent is sent to the secret government research facility to investigate a mysterious death, he begins to experience terrifying visions of his tragic past. Under the guidance of the prison priest, he becomes convinced that a demon is at work in the compound — while others become concerned about his increasingly erratic behavior and the inner ‘demons’ he has brought with him.”

Yep, he’s got the evil gene, no doubt. On that note, I knew a guy named Gene back in my pre-demonically possessed days. His nickname was “Evil.” (It’s a metal thing.) I don’t think Gene was legitimately evil, but he could be a real dick after six or seven party beers.