Archive for assassin

Janes Bond

Posted in Fantasy, Ghosts, Misc. Horror, Science Fiction, TV Vixens with tags , , , , , , , , , , on November 30, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Samurai Chicks

A dancer’s academy on a Japanese island (I thought Japan was an island) recruits rhythm-inclined street kids for an elite group of teeny bop terrorist assassins. Their first assignment: steal a suitcase handcuffed to a suspicious guy.

Samurai Chicks

No problem for these four highly trained break-dancers. They intercept the car by throwing a fake boob that shoots icy-cold smoke out of the nipple. (Can’t tell you how many times that’s happened to me.)

Samurai Chicks

The little ladies easily dispatch the man’s bodyguards with a couple of roundhouse kicks to the sushi hole and then chop his arm off to get the suitcase. (They didn’t have the handcuff key, so…)

Samurai Chicks

A promising start to Samurai Chicks (2004) ponderous story about a freedom fighting underground movement to liberate themselves from a bunch of guys who don’t really reveal why they’re bad, they just are.

Samurai Chicks

The sci-fi girls get orders via message codes built into dance moves, which instruct them to kill. (Note to self: be careful when out hip-hopping as I might be giving someone the go-ahead to stab my neck with a shoe.)

Samurai Chicks

All told, very little blood, a ghost mom who dies when a bolt falls out of an army plane and bolts itself to her head, a flamethrower dude with a stuffed duck on his head, a few electro-shock therapy dudes and a dancing pink bunny. (Don’t ask.)

Samurai Chicks

You’d think with all these kick ass ingredients, Samurai Chicks (aka, Dokuritsu shôjo gurentai) would kick ass. But it just doesn’t.

Space Cowboy

Posted in Science Fiction with tags , , , , , , , on July 2, 2016 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Outland

Io is the third moon of Saturn. I could’ve sworn it was the fourth. Io is the home of a mining colony whose employees are all drug addicts. As above, so below. Hooked on a super-amphetamine, it’s no problem to work overtime. And hey, if you feel like going for a space walk without your helmet, that’s your business. Clearly, the drug is harmful in that it makes you want to harm yourself.

Outland

Enter Sean Connery as a Federal District Marshall. But the leaders of the drug ring don’t want The Law messing with their profit margin, so they conspire to kill him using Union thugs. Yep, this is pretty much High Noon (1952) in space.

Outland

The first half of Outland (1981) is painfully slow, with Connery running around impressive industrial sets and arching his eyebrow. When the assassins come gunning for him, no one is wearing a cowboy helmet or space hat.

Even with drugs, the future is boring.