Archive for Area 51

Sci-Fi Pizza, Apocalypse Santa, Hungry Sinkholes

Posted in Aliens, Evil, Foreign Horror, Ghosts, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, UFOs with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 11, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Flying Saucer Pizza

If you’re fortunate enough to live in Redmond, WA, you can order your nutrients from Flying Saucer Pizza (“An Experience in Outer Taste”), a restaurant that features silverware-optional stomach-fillers that combine mozzarella with sci-fi. After eating one of their highly-rated pizzas, you’ll have to loosen your Van Allen radiation belt. Heh.

Flying Saucer Pizza

Founded in 2005, Flying Saucer Pizza in Washington State makes perfect (and clever) sense, since modern-age UFOs first originated here when aviator and businessman Kenneth Arnold became globally known for making what is generally considered the first widely reported unidentified flying object sighting in the UFA (United States of America — you’re welcome) back in 1947 — way ahead of my backward-pants wearing neighbor.

Flying Saucer Pizza

Flying Saucer Pizza features abduction-stimulating names for their meals, like the “Area 51” (Flying Saucer red sauce, whole milk mozzarella, red roma tomatoes, tender artichoke hearts fresh spinach), “Soylent Green” (FSP pesto sauce, whole milk mozzarella, artichoke hearts, sun-dried tomatoes, basil-garlic topped with pine nuts) and “Crop Circles” (Flying Saucer red sauce, whole milk mozzarella, mushrooms, red onion, green and red peppers, black olives, pepperoncini). In all, FSP features 17 sci-fi themed pizzas — and one Earthly, basic cheese pizza. Prices for a 10” pizza (served on a pan that looks suspiciously like a flying saucer) range from $9.00 to $11.50. Good luck getting those prices on Uranus. Bonus: 27 beers on tap. Beam me up today, if possible.

Flying Saucer Pizza

You can order online at flyingsaucerpizza.com, though if you’re outside of the Earth’s atmosphere, your SOL. (Get the sun joke reference? C’mon, that’s pure comedy gold.)

While you figure out how to have one of their pizzas delivered by UPS™, here are a few just-released/upcoming horror and sci-fi movies to snack on (napkins recommended)…

Swamp Terror

SWAMP TERROR (available now)
“Two sisters venture deep into the swamp looking for their long lost father.”

Not to be confused with The Swamp Terrorists, a Swiss electro-industrial “music” group from the ’80s, although you can see the disturbing similarities. As for the plot, yeah, the first place I’d look for my missing dad would be a swamp. (Those things are like inside-out unflushed toilets.) IMBd.com lists this one as having been released in 2014. I was combing my hair that year, so I may have missed it — if IMBd is not fake news. So what’s in a bayou swamp besides location-challenged patriarchal figureheads? Assorted floatables that can eat you, that’s what.

Basement: The Terror Below

BASEMENT: THE TERROR BELOW (available now)
“Shortly after Tim Ritter moves into his new apartment, he hears strange noises coming from the basement. The nightly disturbances and other unexplained events keep him awake almost every night. Sleep deprived and at his wit’s end, Tom buys several video cameras to record whomever or whatever is causing the strange phenomena.”

Dangitall — another found footage movie. Most found footage movies suck camcorder. The only difference here is this one comes from Germany, which means the nightly disturbances in the basement are likely party people binge-watching Der Tatortreiniger on the ’ol fernsehgerät while munching Currywurst flavored chips from an ornate schüssel.

I'm Dreaming Of A White Doomsday

I’M DREAMING OF A WHITE DOOMSDAY (2017)
Kelly and her son Riley, weathering the end times in a bomb shelter amidst the ruin that once was the world. With supplies and hope steadily declining, Kelly makes a horrifying decision that will cause her to discover just how far she would go for her child, and what lurks outside.”

This may or may not be available now. Couldn’t find it on any of the porn tips, uh, movie database sites I frequent. I think, though, that Kelly’s “horrifying” decision would be to go outside. According to the trailer, there are fat, gas-mask-wearing Santa Claus survivors roaming the waistlands with no one left to give gifts to. (Note to apocalypse St. Nicks — you better not use global destruction as an excuse to not come to my house.)

Sinkhole 2

SINKHOLE 2 (pending 2018)
Angry sinkholes attack a small, nondescript town, engulfing people and buildings one by one. These ravenous monsters appear without warning, sucking terrorized townsfolk into oblivion. Enter a seismological specialist with a secret past, hellbent on revenge. He joins forces with the local sheriff, who is on a personal mission to save his own daughter and town. Can this unlikely duo abort these monstrous cracks of death? Will our heroes survive overwhelming forces of nature with potentially explosive consequences? Can they combat a skeptical mayor with ulterior motives who will stop at nothing to serve his own selfish gains?

Sounds like Dirt Jaws. Sinkholes, by the way, also go by another name: “box office.”

Fog Monsters, Hunting Grandma, Fort Fantastic

Posted in Bigfoot, Classic Horror, Evil, Fantasy, Giant Monsters, Nature Gone Wild, Scream Queens, UFOs with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on July 8, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

WTF!

Watched the first episode of The Mist and am wondering if I should watch the rest of the season (as it plays out) or move on to something like Game of Thrones (I’m about six years behind). The Mist’s set up was underwhelming as they tried to cram too much character B.S. into it as the mist (which looked like fog to me), comes out of nowhere and envelopes a small mountain town.

So if you’ve seen the movie, you know that there be mutated monsters in the mist. What we got with the first episode of the TV series adaptation is a the aftermath of a dog being monster’d, a high school girl date raped at a party, a homeless military guy going nuts, a mom high school sex ed teacher getting fired for explaining BJs to her students and the requisite religious nut. Oh, and they don’t show any monsters. I feel betrayed and/or ambivalent at the same time.

Here are a few upcoming horror, sci-fi and fantasy movies that may or may not end up in land clouds caused by cold air passing over warmer water or moist land…

WTF! (August 1, 2017)
“Three years ago, 22 year old girl-next-door Rachel barely survived a brutal massacre that left her friends in pieces. Time has passed, Rachel has moved on, but unfortunately history has a way of repeating itself. Her close friends are spending spring break in a secluded house in the woods, and they have cordially invited her to join. Little does she realize that another bloodbath will be showing up as plus one. Once Rachel and her friends arrive at the cabin, the partying, sex, and terror begins.”

Tired, worn, cliched, photocopied, mimeographed…at least they got the title right.

Dave Made A Maze

DAVE MADE A MAZE (August 18, 2017)
“Dave builds a fort in his living room and ends up trapped inside by fantastical pitfalls, booby traps, and creatures, leaving his girlfriend Annie to head up the eccentric rescue team to go in after him.”

So Dave discovered drugs. It’s all about moderation, Dave. If I built a fort in my living room, it’d probably look like Area 51. Hey, UFOs aren’t just for looking at.

The Ritual

THE RITUAL (October 13, 2017 (UK)/2017/2018 (US)
A group of college friends reunite for a trip to the forest, but encounter a menacing presence in the woods that’s stalking them.

It has to be Bigfoot or one of their former college professors dressed up as Bigfoot. Really, those are the only two explanations. They should call this 7 Days A Weak: weak premise, weak dialogue, weak budget, weak characters… I shan’t waste your time any further on this subject.

Lasso

LASSO (2017/2018)
“Simon and Kit, two young leaders of an Active Senior tour group, out on an adventure to a small-town rodeo festival located deep in the woods. It’s a great experience for the group…until they try to leave. Simon and Kit must save themselves, and whatever seniors they can, from becoming victims of a deadly Rodeo Ritual. Together the group must fight to survive the night from relentless bloodthirsty cowboys on the hunt for human livestock.”

Humans hunting grandpas and grandmas is new, but the concept of humans hunting humans for sport is not. A couple ’o fun ones to watch are 1976’s Logan’s Run and 1987’s The Running Man, both of the sci-fi variety. Spoiler — lots of running. You’ll feel like you got a month’s worth of exercising after watching ’em.

Hitler, Hamburgers and UFOs

Posted in Aliens, Ghosts, Science Fiction, UFOs, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on April 5, 2016 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Dreamland

Stopping off at the Lil’ Ale’inn — a roadside diner way out in the Nevada desert that sells hamburgers, fries (ketchup’s free) and flying saucer memorabilia, Megan, a mood-swing prone skank and Dylan, her boyfriend who occasionally passes out (probably to escape her nagging), hear tales of government cover-ups regarding UFOs at the neighboring Area 51. (Note: the diner operator is right — there is such a thing as the “government.”)

Little Ale'inn

Heading out into the night, Dylan turns on the radio and hears Hitler’s 1936 Olympic Games motivational speech. Not much fun to sing along to. Suddenly, the car ceases all operations. Dylan passes out while Megan goes screaming into the desert. Incredibly clever as there’s no one around for miles except…Hitler. He shows up — in full military dress — and says, “I know who you are.”

Dreamland

An army guy with his leg cut off says something phonetically similar. A little ghost girl with zombie eyes says exactly the same thing to Megan, who then screams like she’s passing a half-cooked diner burger. Dylan, whose been transported away by strange lights, returns with glowing eyes, talks her back into the now-functional car.

Dreamland

Something’s not right — Dylan is driving the car without using keys. They pull over and he says that nothing is real and that he knows who she is. Running out into the black desert yet again (at first if you don’t succeed), Megan happens across a small cabin with hundreds of UFO photos on the walls. A strange and sad man walks in. Must be his place. Getting outside, Megan is flanked by the diner dude and Dylan. (I think Hitler was off peeing behind some cactus.)

Dreamland

As limp as this is, you should’ve already figured out the “mystery.” What you can’t decipher is all the abstract clues and how it all pertains. (Hitler? Gimme a break – that exact same plot device was used 10 years earlier in Contact/1997). And in case you were hoping for UFOs in Dreamland (2007), there aren’t any. I feel as though my movie rental dollars were abducted.

Art Bell

P.S. Dreamland, is of course, a nod to UFO/conspiracy/paranormal/etc. late night radio host Art Bell and his Coast to Coast AM talk show Dreamland, a roadside diner forum for UFO/conspiracy/paranormal/etc. space case (and me) call-ins.

Aliens and Werewolves

Posted in Bigfoot, Classic Horror, Evil, Science Fiction, UFOs, Werewolves with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 16, 2015 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Area 51

Some new horror offerings, in case your daily recommended allowance of horror has not been met by watching the evening news.

First up is Area 51, in production since 2009 and just now hitting VOD and is YET ANOTHER one of those flippin’ annoying hand-held camera jobs. In this Area 51 (not to be confused with 2011’s Area 51 Confidential), as a class project several conspiracy theorists break into the legendary military base out in the Nevada desert said to house a junk yard of broken down UFOs and even an alien body or two. Or six.

Here’s the official rundown: “In 2009, three friends travel to the infamous Area 51 in order to uncover its secrets. They infiltrate the base using freon filled body suits in order to mask their body temperature. Once inside, the group discovers incredible technologies before finding themselves running for their lives from an unknown force.”

The “unknown force” probably has more to do with farting inside their body suits and not being able to escape the ensuing terror. AVClub.com’s review, though, says it all about Area 51: “A few fun and creepy effects shots, nothing that happens here couldn’t be surmised from simply reading the film’s title. What we really get is a complete failure of imagination.” Ouch.

Uncaged

If probing for government secrets or being probed by aliens isn’t your cup of beer, then you might be up for Uncaged (2015), a new werewolf movie that mixes found footage with trad-style filming.

Plot: “After several nights of waking up in the woods, a troubled teen straps a camera to himself to document how he’s getting there, only to find some things are better left a mystery.”

So a teen wolf doing selfies. I’m intrigued, though a werewolf running around with a GoPro™ strapped to his fuzzy head seems highly improbable. With all that wolfing around, you’d think the camera would fall off.

“Something’s lookin’ for food – and it found us…” Great line in Dark Was The Night, arriving in theaters on July 24, 2015. An ancient curse, a small town out in the trees, and stat worthy body counts.

Dark Was The Night

Synopsis: “Maiden Woods is a remote and quiet town of decent, hard-working people, but something stirs in the dark woods surrounding this isolated community. After a logging company decimates an area of the forest, a rash of increasingly violent and unexplainable events transpires. Sheriff Paul Shields and his deputy struggle to confront their own personal demons while facing down a new breed of raw terror that is possibly older than humanity itself…and much hungrier.”

Is the monster a werewolf? Bigfoot? A hillbilly with abundant facial hair? Probably all three. Better be if they want my movie coupons.

UFOs and Corduroy Sweaters

Posted in Aliens, Science Fiction, UFOs with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on March 6, 2014 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Hangar 18

When three astronauts on a routine space shuttle mission deploy a satellite and it crashes into a UFO, there sure are a lot of red faces in outer spaces. (Heh.)

The resulting explosion sent shrapnel through one of the astronauts, cleanly severing his head/helmet. I don’t mean to disrespect our space program, but the image of the astronaut’s floating body and nearby spinning head was one of those LOL moments.

Hangar 18

The UFO crashes to Earth where scientists try and figure out where the batteries go. The unsevered astronauts land the shuttle and take off in sweaters and corduroys to find the truth/crashed UFO. Trying to stop them is the evil branch of the C.I.A., who seem to have more expendable agents than satellites.

Hangar 18

The scientists, though, are having more luck, having successfully transcribed alien language, only to find out Earth is targeted for an invasion. We’re safe – once they see our stylish sweaters and slick corduroys, they’ll think Earth is far more advanced, and head to some other drab planet.

Hangar 18

Other than the clothes, the magnificently dull Hangar 18 (1980) should have spent less time on the chase scenes and more time on the spinning severed head.

Identified UFO

Posted in Aliens, Science Fiction, UFOs with tags , , , , , , , , on October 5, 2013 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Unidentified

Been a while since I’ve seen a new science fiction-y UFO movie. I usually feed my inner conspiracy freak with all those UFO footage YouTube™ videos, which, after exhaustive research (laying on the couch in my underwear and watching), have determined them all to be TRUE. Even the fake ones.

Unidentified

While I wait for even more factual UFO footage to be uploaded, there’s Unidentified, a movie about a group of friends in Vegas who, while dodging criminals, end up in the Nevada desert (home to every flying saucer ever to visit Earth) and find out aliens go to Las Vegas on vacation, too.

Unidentified

As the official, or “fact based” plot tells us, after eluding a loan shark, four friends, seeking refuge in the desert, discover a mysterious metal fragment. One of them promptly goes missing during the night. When the remaining three catch up with their lost friend, there’s something different about him. As his condition worsens, the others realize that something unearthly might be stalking them in the desert.

Yep, he’s been probed.

Unidentified is released when the military says so.