Archive for ape

Bigfoot’s Girlfriend

Posted in Bigfoot, Fantasy, Nature Gone Wild, TV Vixens with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 19, 2016 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Tanya's Island

Tanya is a big city supermodel whose artist boyfriend has hair-trigger anger issues. He wants her to go away. She doesn’t want to go away. Instead, she fantasizes about the two of them on a deserted island, where clothes have no meaning and there are bananas everywhere, some even for eating.

Tanya's Island

While exploring the island, Tanya happens across a grotto that serves as a rent-free apartment for Blue, a lonely Bigfoot (or “island gorilla”) with more bananas than he could hope for. (Intermission: Tanya names him Blue because the ape’s eyes are that color. “Grotto” would be a better name for a gorilla. Just sayin’.)

Tanya's Island

Tanya develops a friendship with Blue, which taps into the jealous rage anger of Lobo, her mood swingin’ boyfriend. His temper is as bad as his name, which seems like it would be more suitable on a can of chewing tobacco. He sees the odd couple beauty and beastin’ it without him, so he traps Blue in a remarkably sturdy bamboo cage (i.e., island jail). What follows is a series of LOL moments punctuated by Tanya’s liberal nudity.

Tanya's Island

Lobo war paints his face, goes all Rambo crazy, and he and Blue get into a prolonged dust up, fighting for Tanya’s bounty. Blue manages to imprison Lobo in his own cell and makes off with Tanya, who by now is fed up with both her boyfriends’ behavior. She tells Lobo, “Go away, I don’t want to be with either of you,” like being in a relationship with a gorilla was an option. Blue responds by chasing her through the jungle. He must’ve tripped, because he fell right on top of her bare bottom and seemed to get stuck there. Gee, I hope he’s okay.

Tanya's Island

All this fun, and yet the best moment is was watching Tanya in waist deep water trying to catch fish with a bow and arrow. Tanya, btw, is Vanity, who later became Prince’s girlfriend. Too bad the monkey didn’t learn how to play guitar.

Tanya's Island

P.S. You can find the horror-esque fantasy Tanya’s Island (uncensored) on YouTube™.  I’m not promising I won’t tell your mom of your perverse viewing habits.

California Kong

Posted in Fantasy, Giant Monsters, Nature Gone Wild, TV Vixens with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 9, 2016 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Mighty Joe Young

Mighty Joe Young (1998) is a somewhat believable-sized version of King Kong (1933). King Kong is a great name. Who the heck names their pet gorilla “Joe”? Why not Lord Awesome or Kool Mo’Key? You animal lovers need to get a clue.

Mighty Joe Young

Joe Young, who I hear is mighty, is a 15-foot gorilla in love with hottie Charlize Theron. She thinks Joe’s her best friend. He keeps wondering in thought monkey-speak if she’ll split like a hot pineapple should they decide to “consummate” their best friendness.

Mighty Joe Young

Poachers want to kill Joe for his abundant value. An Eco-concerned animal lover wants Joe to be moved from his crib in Africa to a licensed animal sanctuary in Los Angeles (I thought L.A. was an animal sanctuary). Joe goes because hey, he’s in love. But not before a big chase scene with guns aimed at this “how can you miss?” target.

Mighty Joe Young

While in California, an amusement park Ferris Wheel catches on fire and there’s a screaming kid stuck at the top. Time to burn fur. Joe rescues the brat and is the hero, hooray, throw a parade.

Mighty Joe Young

This is a re-telling of 1949’s Mighty Joe Young, but not sure what the fuss is. A big dumb ape being led around by the nose by a hot blonde? Walk into any bar and you’ll see at least 10 of ’em.