Archive for Annabelle

Spider-Man, Bloody Vampires, Demonic Nuns

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Fantasy, Ghosts, Nature Gone Wild, Vampires with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 30, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Spider-Man: Homecoming

Seriously considering about not going to movie theaters anymore and just renting new flicks on Fandangonow.com for a mere $4.99. Sure, I won’t get to see the latest flicks the second they come out, but dango, movie theater tickets/popcorn/soda/hot dogs are getting to be about the price of a steak dinner with a cloth napkin.

Then there are the obnoxious theater goers who continue to talk during the movie and/or use their cellphones. The death penalty would be too lenient for these jerks. So yeah, I can save a bunch of money, not get stressed out and horizontally lay on my couch and watch movies. Very uncomfortable, rude and probably CDC unhygienic to lay down on movie theater seats.

Speaking of movies I’ll probably not see in the theaters (and a few not at all), here are a few upcoming horror/sci-fi/fantasy movies for your horizontal viewing pleasure…

SPIDER-MAN: HOMECOMING (July 7, 2017)
“Thrilled by his experience with the Avengers, young Peter Parker returns home to live with his Aunt May. Under the watchful eye of mentor Tony Stark, Parker starts to embrace his newfound identity as Spider-Man. He also tries to return to his normal daily routine — distracted by thoughts of proving himself to be more than just a friendly neighborhood superhero. Peter must soon put his powers to the test when the evil Vulture emerges to threaten everything that he holds dear.”

Deadpool

Is it just me or is the new Spider-Man movie taking a direct marketing lead from Deadpool (2016)? Makes sense as they both wear similar masks. Deadpool, though, shoots guns; Spider-Man just webs his pants. Heh. Don’t get my solid gold attempts at humor mislead you; I can’t wait for Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017). The trailers are kick asinine and Spidey’s an old comic book fav. That’s were I learned to read and webbed in my own pants. Yeesh — I hope that was webbing.

Super Dark Times

SUPER DARK TIMES (October 3, 2017)
“Teenagers Zach and Josh have been best friends their whole lives. But when a gruesome accident leads to a cover-up, the secret drives a wedge between them and propels them down a rabbit hole of escalating paranoia and violence.

The title sounds like something a teenager would say. Wonder what the gruesome accident is? A zit-popping contest gone wrong? The cinnamon challenge? Planking over a shark-filled pool? Doing the mannequin challenge on a train track? You can never tell with idiot teenagers.

Blood Dynasty

BLOOD DYNASTY (October 31, 2017)
Blood Dynasty is the third in “Irina” vampire film cycle, that began with 2012’s award winning Blood for Irina and continued in 2014’s Queen of Blood. The character of Irina – inspired in part by Lina Romay’s character in Franco’s Female Vampire (1975) — is once more reborn, rising from the sea to bring madness and bloodlust to a lonely young woman living in a decaying motel.”

Queen of Blood seems to be the go-to phrase these days, what with the new Hell Boy movie using it as well. As for Female Vampire, there’s some pretty bold undressedness in that one. You’ve been warned.

Jumanji: Welcome To The Jungle

JUMANJI — WELCOME TO THE JUNGLE (December 20, 2017)
“Four high school kids discover an old video game console and are drawn into the game’s jungle setting, literally becoming the adult avatars they chose. What they discover is that you don’t just play Jumanji — you must survive it. To beat the game and return to the real world, they’ll have to go on the most dangerous adventure of their lives, discover what Alan Parrish left 20 years ago, and change the way they think about themselves — or they’ll be stuck in the game forever.”

Oddly, I never saw the original Jumanji, released back in 1995. Looked too goofy to me. And to keep the goof factor in place for the remake, Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson — is the lead, along with the always hilarious Jack Black. I think Dwayne’s in every movie coming out these days. Seems like he is. As a movie star he’s good. But as a former WWE superstar, he was king of the ring.

The Nun

THE NUN (July 13, 2018)
“When a young nun at a cloistered abbey in Romania takes her own life, a priest with a haunted past and a novitiate on the threshold of her final vows are sent by the Vatican to investigate. Together they uncover the order’s unholy secret. Risking not only their lives but their faith and their very souls, they confront a malevolent force in the form of the same demonic nun that first terrorized audiences in The Conjuring 2, as the abbey becomes a horrific battleground between the living and the damned.”

The Nun

For your own sanity’s sake, The Nun probably should not be confused with The Nun from 2005. (Same named horror movies give me tummy achings.) So this is the scary nun from The Conjuring (2013), like that movie’s “possessed” doll Annabelle, also getting her back story spin-off. With seven Conjuring and planned tie-in movies based its characters, I figured that particular cow was milked dry after the formulaic The Conjuring 2 (2016).

Devil Dolls, Witch Wedding Crashers, Sharks

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Scream Queens, Sharks, Witches with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on April 11, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Heidi

Been toying with the idea to do a run-down of all the streaming horror/sci-fi movie chanels. Turns out there’s a lot, so that means work. I’ll probably call in sick so as to not work. Shudder™ tops the short list of good ones, but it can’t match YouTube™ for its unlicenced use of practically every horror movie ever made in broadcast quality ranging from beer goggles to bent antenna. Anyway, try Midnight Pulp, American Horrors and/or Frightpix (warning — if you don’t pay Frightpix’s admittedly cheap subscription, you’re gonna have to endure a commercial every two minutes.)

Speaking of wading in crap, here’s a few upcoming ones to consider stepping in…

HEIDI (Available now)
“After investigating a neighbor’s attic, two high school pranksters are increasingly plagued by a series of disturbing, supernatural events involving a creepy, vintage doll named Heidi. As she stalks them day and night, no one will take their claims seriously until it is too late.”

An odd trend in horror movies these days, using painted wooden dolls as the source of all which plagues non-painted/non-wooden citizens. It came back with the Puppetmaster series and got more mileage with Annabelle from The Conjuring franchise (the doll now has its own stand-alone film coming out in 2017). Its moderate success spread to horror lite flicks as The Boy (2016) and The Doll (2016) to rat out a few.

This is nothing new; possessed dolls go way back in time and have a long history of gooning out people who own them. The one that got to me as a kid was that messed up Zuni hunting fetish doll in Trilogy of Terror (aka, Terror of the Doll) back in 1975. Soiled my Underoos™, I did.

7 Witches

7 WITCHES (April 14, 2017)
“As their big day approaches Cate and Cody should be celebrating, they’ve got their family with them, and rented an island for the big day. Unbeknownst to them their wedding falls on the day when a 100 year old curse comes to fruition. Instead of celebrating they find themselves fighting for their lives as a coven of witches rise for revenge.”

Time to fire your wedding planner. Geez, of all the things to disrupt the happiest day of your life (for a few months, anyway), you’d think it’d be a drunk relative and not a flippin’ witch. Wonder what the witches will give the bride as a household wedding gift — a broom? Heh.

Sharknado

SHARKNADO 5 (August 6, 2017)
“With much of North America lying in ruins, the rest of the world braces for the inevitable — a global sharknado. Fin Shepard and his family must put a stop to this disaster before Earth is completely obliterated.”

Man, this joke has worn itself so thin, it should be shown on wax paper. The best — and worse — part of these Sharknado droppings are the C-list “celebrities” lining up with make cameos inside the shark’s mouth. I don’t know if I’ll be flattered or insulted if they ever get around to calling me.

Nails

NAILS (2017)
Dana Milgrom, a track coach who, having survived a near-death car accident, finds herself completely paralyzed and trapped inside her own body. While recovering she becomes convinced that an evil presence exists inside her hospital room and is intent on killing her. Believing her to be experiencing a mental breakdown, Dana’s family brush away her concerns. Becoming increasingly terrified, Dana soon realizes that she may not be the only target. Unable to leave her bed, she risks losing the ones she cares for most.”

If you’re seeing an evil presence in the hospital, it may be time to up the morphine drip. Then you won’t care who the entity goes after. High or not, it’d be really funny if the evil presence tripped over a full bed pan. Just thinking about it is making me LOL.

Boy Horror

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Ghosts, TV Vixens with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 27, 2015 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

The Boy

In yet another dazzling display of laziness, the horror lite movie The Boy arrives January 22, 2016. Looking to do the dude version of the evil doll in The Conjuring (2013) and its pointless spin-off Annabelle (2014), the ONLY thing this movie has going for it is that it features The Walking Dead hottie Lauren Cohan, aka “Maggie.”

Lauren Cohan

So Lauren/Maggie plays an American nanny hired to tend to a mansion-owning crusty old British couple’s young boy. Yeah, it’s pretty much a life-size wooden doll all decked out in Sunday knickers and combed hair. But this boy doll comes with a laundry list of strict “don’t do’s,” all of which Lauren/Maggie does because, hey, American – we do what we want.

The Boy

Once the rules go out the door, the doll comes to life and tries to feel her up. Okay, not really try to feel her up. That’s just what I’d do if I were a reanimated demon doll with a wooden crotch.

The Boy

Less ye forget, Another “horror” move with the same title came out in March of 2015. This The Boy stars an isolated, motherless kid (she abandoned him and the hubby) who is “unchecked by the bounds of parenting, friendship, or affection. Its here his fascination with death awakens.” FYI: The trailer for this one is really creep-tacular.

Annabelle

P.S. They’re sandpapering Annabelle 2 as of this posting. Two back-to-back star vehicles. Man, that evil doll must have a good agent.

Photocopied Horror

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Ghosts, Slashers, Witches with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on September 22, 2014 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Horror Copy

It’s hardly a revelation the horror genre notoriously feeds on itself with scores of movie studios lining up at the office copy machine pumping out generic plots merely needing a change of title. One only needs to look as far as the SyFy™ Channel for weekly examples of this profit-motivated plagiarism.

And mimicking movie ad materials is also a common practice. It’s almost as if the industry holds weekly keggars to compare notes to make sure everyone is ripping off each other correctly.

Is this a deal breaker for horror movie fans? Nah. But it is smug fun to rub their faces in piles of steaming hypocrisy. That said,  several examples of advertising “monkey see, monkey doo doo.” (Feel free to suggest more)…

Horror Copy

Devil’s Due (2014) / Devil’s Sky (2014)

Horror Copy

The Possession (2012) / Dark Skies (2013)

Horror Copy

The Last Exorcism 2 (2013) / The Bell Witch Haunting (2013) – with poster turned upside down to illustrate grave robbing.

Horror Copy

Dead Silence (2007) / Annabelle (2014)

Photocopied Horror

The Haunting of Helena (2012) / Dark Touch (2013)

Photocopied Horror

State of Emergency (2011) / Juan of the Dead (2011)