Archive for amusement park

California Kong

Posted in Fantasy, Giant Monsters, Nature Gone Wild, TV Vixens with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 9, 2016 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Mighty Joe Young

Mighty Joe Young (1998) is a somewhat believable-sized version of King Kong (1933). King Kong is a great name. Who the heck names their pet gorilla “Joe”? Why not Lord Awesome or Kool Mo’Key? You animal lovers need to get a clue.

Mighty Joe Young

Joe Young, who I hear is mighty, is a 15-foot gorilla in love with hottie Charlize Theron. She thinks Joe’s her best friend. He keeps wondering in thought monkey-speak if she’ll split like a hot pineapple should they decide to “consummate” their best friendness.

Mighty Joe Young

Poachers want to kill Joe for his abundant value. An Eco-concerned animal lover wants Joe to be moved from his crib in Africa to a licensed animal sanctuary in Los Angeles (I thought L.A. was an animal sanctuary). Joe goes because hey, he’s in love. But not before a big chase scene with guns aimed at this “how can you miss?” target.

Mighty Joe Young

While in California, an amusement park Ferris Wheel catches on fire and there’s a screaming kid stuck at the top. Time to burn fur. Joe rescues the brat and is the hero, hooray, throw a parade.

Mighty Joe Young

This is a re-telling of 1949’s Mighty Joe Young, but not sure what the fuss is. A big dumb ape being led around by the nose by a hot blonde? Walk into any bar and you’ll see at least 10 of ’em.

Scary-Go-Round

Posted in Asian Horror, Evil, Ghosts with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 13, 2015 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

The Park

Years ago a little girl dies after falling out of a Ferris wheel. (She was probably on drugs at the time and thought the ride was a vertical merry-go-round.) The ensuing grief causes the town’s amusement park to shut down. If Disney™ shut down every time someone died on one of their rides, we’d never get to feel up the Little Mermaid’s mom.

The Park

But what is an abandoned amusement park thought to be haunted by ghosts but a magical place just begging to be explored? Screw Disneyland™ and their defective rides – this is the happiest place on earth.

The Park

Spin forward to today: A young Asian hottie loses her brother in…THE PARK, so she goes into… THE PARK to find him. Mysteriously, all the lights and rides come to life as if someone hidden from sight had turned them on with a mystical switch or button. It’s all but said out loud that this place is owned and operated by Satan. (Maybe that’s why the cotton candy costs a hellish $6.66.)

The Park

That’s all I know about The Park (aka, Chow lok yuen/2003), an inherently dumb “horror” movie with tired special effects. As it was originally filmed in 3D and I made the mistake of renting the special edition version and didn’t have those cool paper glasses with one red eye and one blue eye to view it properly. Everything looked blurry. I just thought it was the malt liquor. I think I saw a digital ghost, though. More likely a solid fart.