Archive for Amazon jungle

Cannibal Dinosaurs

Posted in Classic Horror, Scream Queens, TV Vixens with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on April 24, 2016 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Massacre in Dinosaur Valley

Massacre in Dinosaur Valley (1985). Misleading title. There are no dinosaurs. There is a valley, though. And cannibals, alligators, bugs, 50% naked women, snakes, 50% naked women, bugs… Let’s see, did I forget anything? Oh, yeah — 50% NAKED WOMEN! Meaning, only half their clothes are off.

Massacre Dinosaur Valley

Doesn’t matter which half as they’re supermodels. Specifically, supermodels whose toy plane has just landed in what looks to be a mud puddle somewhere in the Amazon jungle. Three guys, three chicks and a jungle full of cannibals who don’t like their meals with any dressing (heh). The grand plan is to walk back to civilization. Great plan.

Massacre in Dinosaur Valley

One guy’s wife seems to be drunk all the time and rags on her Vietnam vet husband, the ONLY guy with skills to get them safely through the dense bushes. The other two guys think he’s a p*ssy for letting his wife walk all over him in front of the cannibals and alligators. (Don’t worry — he eventually responds with a solid right to the lip-sticked pie-hole.)

Massacre in Dinosaur Valley

If the cannibals, who force the girls to take off the other half of their clothes weren’t bad enough, now the six survivors have to contend with white slavery business owners who are running a local illegal mining business. There’s a bit of grisly gore (shredded ankle), but only one cannibal meal, which seemed a bit on the light side given how hungry natives there are.

Massacre in Dinosaur Valley

Still, the depiction of naked modern women in the untamed jungle is a juxtaposition that invites social commentary. That, and jungle boobies all over the place. Still, I was kinda hoping for a dinosaur or two, you know, to help make sense of everything.

Women and Dinosaurs

Posted in Giant Monsters, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Scream Queens with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 23, 2015 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Extenction

Totally not surprised to see a “dinosaurs run amok” movie coming out as anticipation swells for the impending Jurassic World (2015), in which dinosaurs run amok. Extinction (previously known as The Expedition) premiers in London on February 25, 2015. I shan’t be there.

Extinction, which is a slight title improvement over The Expedition, goes a little something like this: “Deep in the Amazon jungle a research team lead by a respected Professor embark on an expedition to protect vulnerable and endangered species. After a series of strange events their superstitious guides abandon them and the team choose to remain deep in the jungle, dedicated to the project. But as night falls in the camp they begin to realize that all is not as it seems, and that they are in the hunting ground of a predator – one they never could have expected.”

I call B.S. on the whole “they are in the hunting ground of a predator – one they never could have expected” thing. Did they not see the movie poster? Clearly, the predator is a flippin’ dinosaur. Geez people – open your eyes for crying out loud.

Heh.

XX

Changing lanes entirely, XX (2015) is an anthology of four short stories using women as the hook. Can’t tell if this one is a good movie or not because they don’t show any boobs on the movie poster. (Don’t look at me like that.) Guess I’ll just have to roll the dice on a movie ticket to find out if I’m wrong or not. (Note to movie studio – uncool to release the artwork and not a plot. You just ruined my entire day.)