Archive for alcohol

Melting Faces On The Rocks

Posted in Misc. Horror, Science Fiction with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 18, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Street Trash

What’s worse — drinking wine and watching your flesh literally turn into hot pudding, or your joystick falling off and a bunch of junkyard hobos playing keep away with it? If you’re a guy, I already know your answer.

Street Trash

All of this and more happens in the cult comedy horror classic, Street Trash (1987). This movie, about alcohol that melts you, people living in city dumps and some of the most stinkiest sex you’ll ever hope to not have, has this and more.

Street Trash

Brooklyn, New York. A liquor store owner finds a 60 year-old case of wine called Tenafly Viper. (Who wouldn’t drink that?) His client base is the homeless, so sit back and watch the crumpled bills flow like bum honey.

Street Trash

Within two seconds of consuming said Viper wine, your flesh liquifies, turns into a carnival of colors, and your drinking problem is solved forever. A frantic cop tries to solve the deaths, all the while a mentally unplugged Vietnam veteran, also living in the junkyard (I hear rents are quite affordable there), has formed a gang of junk thugs to rule the rubbish.

Street Trash

While it’s a face-pinching moment to see dumpster dames engage in garbage sex (I hear flies and maggots are aphrodisiacs in some junkyard countries), it’s when a hobo’s flesh flute falls off (not pictured — I just can’t), and people start throwing it around like a deflated Nathan’s Ballpark Frank™, that’ll have you questioning your taste in movies. (I’m exempt because I’m mentally unplugged.)

Insane, yet colorful gore. Melting hobos. Booze aplenty. Any questions?

Fearsome Phones, Possessed by Aliens, Demonic Kitties

Posted in Aliens, Asian Horror, Asian Sci-Fi, Evil, Foreign Horror, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 4, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Morgan's Mutations

There are one billion kinds of smartphone cases out there, but not one of ‘em is as cool as the handcrafted ones made by freakishly talented artist Morgan Loebel. A dental technician by trade, Loebel hand-sculpts and paints one-of-a-kind horror smartphone cases made out of polymer clay. I don’t know what that is. But I do want one of his cases. (Disclaimer — I don’t own a smartphone, but would still like one of his super awesome cases I can show off in bars to act like a big shot.)

Morgan's Mutations

Calling his creations Morgan’s Mutations (catchy), Loebel has an Etsy site as well as a Facebook and Instagram page so you can keep up with his latest designs (He also does lightswitch plates and lighters.) And hey, he takes requests! Of course you need this. Click HERE and HERE and HERE to go about getting one. (Phone not included, dang it.)

Morgan's Mutations

While you’re waiting in line to get a Morgan’s Mutations original, here are a few horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not feature polymer clay…

Before We Vanish

BEFORE WE VANISH (available now)
“Three aliens travel to Earth on a mission in preparation for a mass invasion. Having taken possession of human bodies, the visitors rob their hosts of the very essence of their being, leaving psychological and spiritual devastation in their wake.”

Switch out the word “alien” with alcohol and you get the same results.

Scorched Earth

SCORCHED EARTH (available now)
“The planet suffered an environmental collapse. The air became dangerous to breathe, the water became toxic, and billions of people died. Generations later mankind has finally re-established a rudimentary society, in which bounty hunters roam the land in search of wanted eco-criminals. Bounty hunter Attica Gage has a chance at the bounty of a lifetime: bringing down the ruthless outlaw, Thomas Jackson. Gage infiltrates Jackson’s gang, and everything is going to plan until she meets a slave girl that reminds her of her dead sister. With her loyalty to only herself now tested, Gage learns that there might be more to life than just survival.”

Eco-criminals? Do they litter instead of rob banks? Do they drop a hot deuce and not use Glade™ afterward? Do they use old car tires in the fireplace to heat the house?  If so, I may be on the bounty hunters’ hit list.

Hell's Kitty

HELL’S KITTY (March 13, 2018)
“Nick, a Hollywood screenwriter, discovers his cat has become murderously possessed, and will stop at nothing to rid him of any women in his life. As his life unravels out of control, Nick must find a way to have his kitty exorcised of the demonic spirit haunting her and creating a body count.”

Odd — usually the owners of cats are the ones possessed. Still, I’ve never seen a pet being exorcised, so might have to buy a few tall boys and a bag of catnip and settle in for this one.

Beyond The Woods

“Seven friends meet up in the Irish countryside for a secluded weekend getaway but unfortunately for them a fiery sinkhole has opened up in the mountains nearby. It’s burning hot, spewing out sulfur and casting a hellish stench over the local area. Determined to make the most of the weekend, the group decide not to let the noxious atmosphere get to them…but it’s getting worse. Soon the troubling hallucinations begin as an ancient evil starts to take hold. What malevolent force has crawled from the sinkhole and will any of them survive the weekend?”

Sinkhole or stinkhole? I’m thinkin’ those people stumbled across an overflowing outhouse.

Werewolves, Vampires, Electric Sheep

Posted in Bigfoot, Classic Horror, Evil, Fantasy, Foreign Horror, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Slashers, Vampires, Werewolves, Witches, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 10, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Halloween Horrorthon

Insanely cool ad art to promote the upcoming 2017 Halloween Horrorthon on Saturday, October 21 at the Cinema Arts Centre in Huntington, NY. Presented by the groovy folk at Retro Picture Show, the all night horror movie marathon is scheduled to include 35mm screenings of Halloween 3: Season of the Witch (1982), House of 1000 Corpses (2003), Scream Blacula Scream (1973), Psycho III (1986), Tourist Trap (1979) and Frankenstein and the Monster from Hell (1974). All that’s missing are Horrorthon-branded pajamas and a mix ‘n match blankie.

Halloween Horrorthon

If you want the event poster, which designed by artist Marc Schoenbach and inspired by Halloween 3, its available as a 24” x 36” print, as well as a several versions of T-shirts. (What — no ’jammies?) And it won’t slash your wallet — most everything Horrorthon for sale is $20. Buy tickets to the marathon and e-purchase the goodie-goods HERE.

For those of us not within Uber™ spitting distance of Huntington, NY, here are a few just released/upcoming horror and sci-fi flicks that may or may not make you stain your jams…

Predatory Moon

PREDATORY MOON (available now)
Kyle Reading investigates an alleged bear attack where the survivor is showing unusual symptoms. Unfortunately for him, there is someone who sees an advantage to having a stranger in town who cries ‘werewolf’.”

Bears get all the credit every time someone sees something big and hairy in the woods. (Which is why I don’t venture into the underbrush to enjoy a private moment every now and again.) Even Bigfoot himself has been described as fake news and that he’s nothing more than a bear standing on two legs, all the while swinging his knuckle-dragging arms around as if on So You Think You Can Dance. Maybe its a were-bear. Common mistake.

Monsters Among Men

MONSTERS AMONG MEN (available now)
“An egocentric businessman awakens deep in the woods to find he has been abducted by a subversive group of vampires disguised and living among us. He must not only escape their clutches, but save his beloved girlfriend before time, the truth, and his kidnappers catch up with him.”

Geez, vampires desperate enough to kidnap egocentric businessmen? They must be really hungry to dine on corporate b-holes. Maybe we should open a blood bank and give all the vampires ATM cards. It’s the Christian thing to do.

The Virus

THE VIRUS (available now)
“A group of film students find a top secret test facility hidden in the wilderness. Unknown to them, the hospital was ground zero for a large-scale test of a truth serum based ten years earlier; a test that went disastrously wrong. Now infected with the deadly virus, the students fight against time, guards, each other and an inability to lie to find the truth.”

Cracks me up that scientists have been trying to develop a truth serum when alcohol has been doing a fine job of making people unbury their secrets since the dawn of time. In fact, I plan on having a six-pack of truth serum tonight.

Phillip K. Dick's Electric Dreams

PHILLIP K. DICK’S ELECTRIC DREAMS (2017/2018/Amazon Prime™)
“From the mind of the prolific sci-fi author, comes the new anthology series Philip K. Dick’s Electric Dreams. With 10 standalone episodes and a sweeping all-star cast, each epic story will explore fantasy, humanity, and a future we’ve only begun to imagine.”

Looking forward to this having been a fan of Phil back when I used to read. My first introduction was a high school book report on Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep? (1968). I thought I was gonna be reading about a sci-fi barnyard robot goat. Instead I got global thermonuclear war. Dang it. Cooler, though, are the sci-fi movies based on Dicky’s work: Blade Runner (1982), Total Recall (1990/2012), Minority Report (2002), A Scanner Darkly (2006), and The Adjustment Bureau (2011). P.S. This TV series, though, has already started airing in the UK. It’s on Channel 4 in case you live in the vicinity of a British television.

Evil, Space Stuff, Spider-Man

Posted in Aliens, Evil, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 22, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Spider-Man, Alien

Is it just me or does Spider-Man look like the inspiration for grey aliens or the other way around? These are the things I think about. All the time.

Here are some upcoming new horror/sci-fi movies for you to think about…

Galaxy of Horrors

GALAXY OF HORRORS (March 7, 2017)
“Trapped in a damaged cryogenic pod, a man is forced to watch a series of horrific science-fiction tales while his life support systems run out. Featuring intense stories of the unknown and otherworldly, equally wonderful and terrifying.”

Change cryogenic pod to couch and this could be me. Also smells like a winked homage to the punk rock sci-fi classic A Clockwork Orange (1971), wherein after a hyper violent crime spree, a gang leader is apprehended and is subject to “attempted rehabilitation via controversial psychological conditioning.” It’s the Republican way.


BETHANY (April 7, 2017 / VOD / Limited)
“A young woman named Claire moves back to her childhood home only to be haunted by her imaginary friend from when she was a child.”

I never had an imaginary friend. I had imaginary parents, though. I can’t move back to my childhood home, either. I think someone’s been living there since I got kicked out, uh, moved away.

“When a young college professor Adam and his pregnant wife Lisa suffer a traumatic event, they find themselves haunted — and connected — to a malicious entity. It is only when Adam calls upon Dr. Clark, a professor of parapsychology at the university, that the true horror of what they have encountered becomes clear.”

The key art hints that some sort of evilness either is responsible for the pregnancy or wants the kid once its plopped out. Note to evilness: no matter how the paternity suit fits, you’re looking at 18 years of child support.

Without Name WITHOUT NAME (2017)
“There’s something bizarre and nightmarish waiting in the woods, and its sights are set on Eric, a land surveyor who’s tasked with assessing the woodland area in question just as his marriage is about to crumble. Stressed out by his fractured home life, Eric is tragically susceptible to the woods’ powerful ability to enter the emotionally wounded man’s mind and wreak both physical and mental havoc on him.”

Sounds to me like the “bizarre and nightmarish something” and the guy’s soon-to-be-ex are the same thing. Or it could be a meth-crazed chipmunk. On the fence as to which. Or maybe the woods with its powerful ability to wreak physical and mental havoc is a metaphor for an alcohol-fortified bender in the bushes to celebrate being able to turn on the “open for business” sign again.

Not My Earth

Posted in Aliens, Classic Horror, Science Fiction, Scream Queens, TV Vixens with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 28, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Not of This Earth

Even though he’s not from this Earth (or any other Earths for that matter, “Mr. Johnson” is a creepy old man with dark glasses who needs constant blood transfusions. Kinda like looking into a mirror. If he doesn’t get said body beverage, his juice will turn into dust and he’ll become not unlike powered Kool-Aid™.

Not of This Earth

So what the flippin’ flap? Why can’t Mr. Johnson get his own dang blood from his own dang planet? For starters, his home world of Davanna (that sounds so made up) has been flash mobbed by nuclear war. Looks like Republicans exist on other worlds as well. Old Man Johnson is here to test our blood to see if it’ll help keep his fellow Johnsons from going double extinct.

Not of This Earth

Johnson uses telekinesis and eyeless eyeballs to command people to do his bidding, like his doctor, for instance. He even manages to talk Nadine, the doc’s sassy/hot nurse, into moving in to his multi-roomed house to give him nightly blood transfusions. He has a young male assistant/driver to round up park bums with the promise of alcohol for experimental purposes and different “phases” of his program. Free booze or not, you don’t want to be one of his experiments — they end up in the basement furnace. Party foul — that’s where recyclables go.

Not of This Earth

With human firewood missing all over town, the cops are closing in. Johnson unleashes a flying umbrella brain sucking creature that lands on your head and sucks out your brains. That’s kinda cool, but does it hold up in the rain?

Not of This Earth

Seconds before Johnson can remote-control Nadine into an experiment, the cops close in and turn on the sirens to make the car chase scene more official. Before they can shoot him in the umbrella, it’s the blaring alarm that causes Johnson to crash AND burn. (It was earlier revealed he’s highly sensitive to loud sounds. Guess that’s why aliens aren’t into metal. Pity.)

Not of This Earth

Final note: Not of This Earth (1957) is in black and white, so all those bottles of “blood” in Johnson’s fridge might very well be powdered Kool-Aid™.

Stoned Cold

Posted in Bigfoot, Ghosts, Misc. Horror, Scream Queens, Vampires with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on March 27, 2016 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Dead of Winter

In Dead of Winter (aka, Lost Signal/2006), college sweethearts Kevin and Tiffany (they’re in luv) go to a New Year’s Eve house party, snort some crystal meth and do a shot of what they thought was cold and refreshing alcohol. The flavorful drink was laced with LSD. If you’ve ever wanted to know what happens when you mix LSD with crystal meth, the results are pretty much what you’d expect – your head turns inside out and encores with you sh*tting your pants in front of friends and relatives.

Dead of Winter

Driving home in the snow, Kevin hallucinates a mysterious old man in the back seat of his car. They stop, leap out of the vehicle and bolt for the woods. (Note: It’s called Tanglewoods for a reason.) Freezing and tripping or “re-imagining reality,” both become extremely paranoid, all of which is complicated by the onset of cold and refreshing hypothermia.

Dead of Winter

They manage a call 9-1-1, but they’re so lost in the woods, only tracker bears and maybe vampire owls could find them. Attempting to get inside the cab of a snow plow, the darn thing comes to life and chases Kevin down, who loses a shoe in the process. (Note to self: socks are worthless in snow.)

Dead of Winter

Kevin and Tiffany find a small shed and plan to ride out the night in there. Instantly, the shack shakes like it was being drum soloed by Bigfoot. Demonic voices whisper evil things. Kevin starts freaking out on Tiffany and decides she needs to be killed into portion appropriate cubes, and chases her to an unoccupied house.

Lost Signal

The silly gal manages to lock him out and he figures out a way in, applying the Santa Claus methodology. Most of the movie is just Kev and Tif running around in the freezing cold and freaking out. The “shock” ending is actually quite stock and should be largely ignored.

So the message here is don’t do drugs in the snow. Save ’em for a nice and warm sunny beach where there aren’t any ghost snow plows around for miles.

P.S. Don’t do drugs.

Creatures Sharing Features

Posted in Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Scream Queens, TV Vixens with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 3, 2015 by Drinkin' & Drive-in


Ardent fan of creature features. Think it has something to do with alcohol. I’m a big fan of that as well. So imagine my inebriated glee to see two new “nature gone wild” horror movies headed towards my bar stool: Indigenous – a take on the Chupacabra legend (at least I think that’s what it is), and Gitaskog, a fishy horned serpent (at least I think that’s what it is).


Curiously, both movies (release dates pending) share distinctive (i.e., photocopied) ingredients, the first of which is the employment of folklore creatures. But there’s more than that. You may proceed…

Indigenous: “Five friends travel from Los Angeles to exotic Panama for a week of partying in the lush tropical paradise…”

Gitaskog: “Five friends embark on a camping trip to sacred Native territory…”

Indigenous: “They learn of a secret jungle hike to a pristine waterfall nearby and are cautioned strongly against the hike, warning that other gringos in search of the legendary waterfall had mysteriously disappeared into the jungle, never to be seen or heard from again. Ignoring the warnings…”

Gitaskog: “They are warned to stay away. When they choose to ignore the warning…”


Indigenous: “As night closes in, the friends realize too late the truth behind the warnings – horrific, bloodthirsty, flesh-eating creatures are now stalking them…”

Gitaskog: “They are confronted with strange occurrences, seductive apparitions, vengeful locals and a deadly behemoth. Their weekend of fun becomes a descent into Hell…”


It appears both movies were written by the same person. I care not, because hey – creatures! And we all know what goes good with creaturesalcohol, an ingredient necessary for the betterment of every horror movie.