More Megalodons, AI Sci-Fi, Cutlery Kids

As mystically foretold on my May 9, 2023 blogging, here are three more/new ad sheets for Meg 2: The Trench, these coming from the incredibly prolific Xin Yi Lian, whose done countless movie art, including Time Raiders, Journey to the West: Reincarnation of the Demon King, and the 2021 Chinese 3D animated fantasy action film, Xin Shen Bang: Ne Zha Chongsheng. I don’t know what that means.

The new art — like the movie’s trailer — promises more giant and super mean creatures from the bottom of the ocean, including a kaiju-esque Kraken (Seattle hockey franchise AND big squid) and THREE megs. Releasing on August 4, 2023, Meg 2: The Trench looks to chew up and sh*t out the summer box office competition.

So while we wait for even more Meg 2 movie posters (there were 26 for the first movie), here are a few upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not be as easily pronounceable as Xin Shen Bang: Ne Zha Chongsheng…

TRANSMUTATORS / Out now (VOD)

“Set in a time when mutants and behemoth alien warriors have come to a rule, a rebel group of survivors must embrace mega fighting machines to take on intergalactic invaders threatening humanity. 

This Filipino science fiction action film, or “movie”, was originally called Resiklo, which translates to Recycle. Given the photocopied plot plot, that sounds about right…

THE CREATOR / September 29, 2023 (Theaters)

“Amid a future war between the human race and the forces of Artificial Intelligence, Joshua, a hardened ex-special forces agent grieving the disappearance of his wife, is recruited to hunt down and kill the Creator, the elusive architect of advanced AI who has developed a mysterious weapon with the power to end the war — and mankind itself.”

The Terminator is listed as one of the screenwriters.

HORRORSCOPE / Release pending 2023 (VOD)

“A group of college friends who, after getting their horoscopes read, begin dying in ways connected to their fortunes. Are their fates fatal or can they change what’s written in the stars?”

So college friends begin dying and it’s asked if their fates are fatal? Who wrote this — a college student? 

TIME OF MOULTING / Release pending 2023 (VOD)

“In a small town in 1970s West Germany, Stephanie is raised by two parents who have no business having children. The mother, never far from despair-induced collapse, suffers from an unspecified medical condition — one both mental and physical. The father makes it clear that he has no patience for his daughter Young Stephanie takes solace in exploring the mysteries hidden away in the increasingly untidy house, particularly the trunk full of her grandfather’s butcher’s equipment; older Stephanie takes far more sinister comfort in the tools found therein.”

Say what you will about kids playing with butcher tools — at least it keeps ’em away from drugs.

Third Dimensional Monsters, Mystery Rash, Famished Freaks

Thanks to the expanding universe of AI, you can now get classic horror and sci-fi movies converted into 3D. Well, two of ’em anyway…for now. Gammera The Invincible (1966) and Carnival of Souls (1962), fair game in the public domain, have been given the 3D treatment by Cinefantastique magazine, IFC.com, Reelz.com writer/editor Dan Persons. And you can get the signed DVDs — with included 3D viewing glasses — on his SpaceBrains3D Etsy™ page (click here) for $15.67 US smackos.

From Persons’ statement: “This is by no means a fly-by-night, cash-in type of operation,” he says. “I come to it from a lifelong passion for how tech can be used to create more experiential forms of art, three years of experimentation born of a dissatisfaction over how mainstream studios were utilizing stereoscopic presentation as a cynical way to apply a premium upsell to the same-ol’ same-ol’, and a 30-year background in film journalism and criticism. This is a very personal and intensely creative project for me — so much so that I sign and number every DVD I send out, and include with each order a copy of my Rethink 3D Manifesto,” which you can see below. Keep an eye on the Etsy™ page for future titles!”

Just so the purists don’t freak out, the Gammera The Invincible 3D edition is the Goodman cut, which runs 63 minutes, and “removes all the talk-talk-talk of the American-shot footage, so you can get to the monster carnage you crave sooner!” If only that kind of editing could be applied to certain loud neighbors.

So while we rush to buy these 3D DVDs because hey, why not, here are a few upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not be better served in public domain…

THE STRANGE CASE OF JACKY CAILLOU / April 11, 2023 (VOD)

“When Jacky’s grandmother, a renowned healer, suddenly passes away and a particularly compelling young woman with a mysterious rash arrives on his doorstep, he has no choice but to stay and try to help. As her condition worsens, it becomes clear that she’s afflicted with no ordinary illness. She’s transforming into something dangerous before his eyes, but he’s already in too deep to abandon her.”

Mysterious rash. I’m pretty sure they have products that’ll fix that.

BURY THE BRIDE / April 22, 2023 (Tubi™)

“Bride-to-be June’s bachelorette getaway turns deadly when her blood-thirsty fiancé and his backwoods friends show up to crash the party. What follows becomes a living nightmare of unholy proportions as June, her sister Sadie and their closest friends fight for their lives, and avenge the ones who don’t make it through the night.”

A party-crashing, blood-thirsty fiancé with backwoods friends. He seems nice.

THE ARTIFICE GIRL / April 27, 2023 (VOD)

“A small team of special agents discover a revolutionary computer program that uses a digital child to catch on-line predators. After teaming up with the program’s troubled developer, they soon find that the AI’s inevitable advancement is far more rapid and incalculable than they could have imagined, posing unforeseen challenges and unsettling consequences for the future of technology and mankind.”

I liked this better when it was called M3gan (2022).

FEEDERS 3 — THE FINAL MEAL / Release pending 2023 (VOD)

“23 years have passed since the last feeding. Now, they have returned to Earth for the final meal.”

The Creeper in Jeepers Creepers (2001) feeds every 23 years as well. Talk about intermittent fasting. I can’t go 23 minutes without shoving soylent green down my snack hole.

Monster Trucks, AI Love Dolls, Mexican Sharks

Rockers and horror fans rejoice —1986’s Maximum Overdrive is getting the Blu-ray SteelBook DVD makeover by Lionsgate’s Vestron Video Collector’s Series™ and being released with a ton of extras on May 30, 2023 for $19.96 as a Walmart™ exclusive (preorder it here). Hold it Maybelle, don’t set the table — what does this have to do with rock and horror? Zip your rock hole and I’ll tell you.

1. Maximum Overdrive was based on Stephen King’s short story, “Trucks”, from his Night Shift collection, which was published in 1978, the same year as Van Halen’s debut album. 2. The movie’s screenplay was not only written by Stephen King, he directed it as well, his first time doing that. 3. Maximum Overdrive’s soundtrack is entirely made up of AC/DC songs.

So MO’s Blu-ray SteelBook — a sort of lunchbox for DVDs — has new audio commentary, featurettes, interviews with the actors, behind the scenes stuff, and the making of the Happy Toyz Goblin fixed to the front of a sentient, killing diesel truck. (They can call it the Happy Toyz Goblin but we all know it’s Spider-Man’s arch nemesis, the Green Goblin. In your face, Happy Toyz.) 

From the Lionsgate press release: “Get ready for the ultimate battle of man vs. bloodthirsty machine in this terrifying Stephen King classic! For three horrifying days, the Earth passes through the tail of a mysterious comet. The skies glow an eerie green as humanity waits to see what the fallout will be. But what they imagine is nothing like the nightmare they find — the comet’s magnetic fields cause all the machines on Earth to suddenly come to life and terrorize their human creators in a horrific killing spree. Now, it’s up to a small group of people trapped in a desolate truck stop to defeat the killer machines — or be killed by them!”

Machines coming to life and killing humans. Just a reminder — this was 21 years before 2007’s Transformers, with autobot machines doing the same thing. (They even had goofy heavy metal band member names: Optimus Prime, Ironhide, Jazz, Prowl, Arcee, Ratchet, Wheeljack, Bumblebee, Megatron, Starscream, Soundwave, Ravage, Laserbeak, Rumble, Skywarp and Shockwave. Somewhere Gwar laughs into the night.)

So while we all crank up some AC/DC and taunt our kitchen appliances, here are a few upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not make your toaster go postal…

ENYS MEN / March 31, 2023 (Limited Theaters, VOD pending)

“Set in 1973 on an uninhabited island off the British coast, a wildlife volunteer descends into a terrifying metaphysical and ecosophical journey that challenges her grip on reality and pushes her into a living nightmare.”

Sounds intriguing, but they’re not selling me with the movie’s off-putting title. How about Mind Island Destructo or Isle of Die Kill Bleed or Apprehension Archipelago? Now there’s some juice.

SIMULANT / April 7, 2023 (Theaters), May 5, 2023 (VOD)

“Faye attempts to replace her newly deceased husband, Evan, with an android simulant (SIM). Although SIM Evan appears like human Evan in every way, Faye does not feel the same love for SIM Evan as it does for her. SIM Evan tries to win Faye back while at the same time being on-the-run from a government agent chasing down SIMs who have become ‘conscious’ and could potentially be a threat to humankind.”

Android simulant, my motherboard — she created an A.I. love doll for horizontal dating purposes.

THE BLACK DEMON April 28, 2023 (Theaters)

“When oilman Paul Sturges takes his family to Bahia Negra, the crown jewel of Baja and the site of Paul’s best-performing rig, the vibrant Mexican coastal town he once knew has mysteriously crumbled. In the decrepit ghost town, the last inhabitants tell Paul the offshore platform has awoken ‘El Demonio.’ Scared to be left alone, the family follows Paul out to the platform and just after they get on, the man and boat that risked bringing them is ferociously attacked by a massive black shark. This shark is unlike any other creature; a shark of legend, known as The Black Demon. It has laid claim to the local waters aggressively protecting mother nature against human threats. It kills everything and repeatedly charges the oil rig itself, threatening to destroy it. Paul and his family are stranded with the few men who have survived and now discover explosive charges have been set on the legs of the platform. Under constant attack by the giant monster and with the time literally ticking away, Paul must find a way to somehow get his family back to shore alive.”

If you’ve seen the trailer for The Black Demon (YouTube™), the shark on the movie’s ad sheet is ratio-sized correctly. And for all involved, oil in the water is the least of pollutants that’ll happen if they encounter you-know-who.

THE WOODMEN / Release pending 2023 (VOD)

“Three individuals who find themselves in a fight for their lives as they attempt to escape from a clan of feral humans that call the Smoky Mountains home. Together, they battle the cunning and elusive adversary that wants nothing more than to protect their land with deadly and savage force.”

Feral humans = hippies. Elusive adversaries protecting their land = hippies squatters.

Colorized UFOs, Dreaded Library, Supernatural Girl Power

While doing more intense research (drinking heavily) into the mushrooming applications of AI in art, literature and music, a thought occurred — could AI colorize black and white photos from the early days of UFOs? Short answer = yep. And since artificial intelligence is smarter than me, I ran a few classic UFO photos through the AI Matrix and it spit out these examples.

The UFO image at the top of this blog-o-sphere is from McMinnville, Oregon taken by farming couple Paul and Evelyn Trent in 1950. And since everything in the ’50s was black and white (color wasn’t invented until the psychedelic ‘60s — just ask a day-glo hippie), AI did a decent job of interpreting what it would’ve looked like.

While I dig through more of the colorless UFO archives to test artificial’s intelligence, here are a few upcoming horror/sci-fi movies/documentaries that may or may not appeal to day-glo hippies…

LEGEND OF GATOTKACA / February 17, 2023 (Hi-Ya!™), March 21, 2023 (VOD/DVD)

“After witnessing the shocking murder of his best friend by a masked assassin with terrifying superpowers, Yuda stumbles upon a secret prophecy long concealed by powerful people. After unlocking dormant abilities of his own, Yuda discovers that he — an ordinary college kid with no belief in the old legends — may very well be the key to winning the upcoming battle against an ancient evil.”

I went to Google Translate™ and typed in “Gatotkaca”, this Indonesian movie’s title. It translated it to “Gatotkaca.” Now it makes way more sense.

CRAM / March 17, 2023 (VOD)

“We all do what we gotta do to pass — except Marc. Desperate to finish his final paper, he struggles to cram all night in the library. After dozing off, Marc awakens to discover that his paper has vanished. Looking for answers and a way out of this nightmare, Marc is drawn deeper into the mysterious and enchanting stacks. Alone in the library (or so he thinks), Marc is easily frightened and considers giving up. But the library has other plans for him.”

Libraries are for people who don’t have TVs.

DEAD HOT: SEASON OF THE WITCH / April 14, 2023 (Tubi™)

“The documentary film is described as The Craft meets The Simple Life, an intimate journey into the supernatural realm as well as a “coming-of-age story that explores identity, feminine power and sisterhood.”

I’m not sure this film is meant for guys. In fact, I’d bet my tampons on it.

PARALYSIS / release pending 2023 (VOD)

“After family trauma, Haley Stone has isolated herself from everyone except her brother Nicky. But with her complicated grief and emotional well-being deteriorating, Haley experiences hallucinations, vivid nightmares and debilitating episodes of sleep paralysis. These episodes become ever more pressing when Haley notices bruises on her body. She suspects the entity that visits her in the night is not just a figment of her imagination. With the assistance of a paranormal investigator, Haley must access the truth buried between realities and free herself from this living nightmare.”

Hallucinations, vivid nightmares, debilitating episodes of sleep paralysis, bruises. This is everything you experience waiting for the Tug Tavern to open.

The Horror of Seattle, Fake UFOs, Pyschedelic Moon

Finally — a film festival I can get to by bus/Lime™ e-scooter — Make Believe Seattle is my home town’s first-ever dedicated genre film fest devoted to horror, science fiction, fantasy, animation and related genre movies. Taking place March 23-26, 2023, the press release says it’ll be an “exclusively in-person event, with venues including SIFF Cinema Egyptian, Northwest Film Forum, West Hall (part of Century Ballroom), and Queer/Bar.” All I have to do is load up the fanny pack with enough snacks to sustain me for four days, and I’m all set.

Of the many films being screened (normally called “movies”, but not when they’re being premiered at an arts festival) include, Aliens Abducted My Parents And Now I feel Kinda Left Out, The Five Devils, Black Lodge, Poundcake, Pursued, Freaks Out and the fan film, Friday the 13th Vengeance 2: Bloodlines. There’s lots more, but it’d be easier on me if you’d just go to Make Believe Seattle’s website (click here) for the drill-down. P.S. Tickets range in price from $25.00 (Party Pass) to $150.00 (VIP Festival Pass).

While we find YET ANOTHER reason to skip work in anticipation of this film fest, here are a few upcoming horror/sci-fi TV series that may or may not be viewable accompanied by a well-stocked fanny snack pack…

THE UFO CHRONICLES: A HISTORY OF MYSTERIOUS SIGHTINGS / Out now (Amazon Prime Video™)

“As the discourse surrounding artificial intelligence builds, The UFO Chronicles: A History of Mysterious Sightings utilizes the technology as the first documentary feature written, illustrated, and performed entirely by AI. Co-directors Brian Cunningham and Matt Niehoff explore the intriguing history of unidentified flying objects, uncovering accounts of encounters from Christopher Columbus to the USS Nimitz. With a script, on-screen narrator, and footage all generated by AI, The UFO Chronicles both demonstrates the potential and pushes the boundaries of what’s possible with AI in the field of filmmaking.

If this thing is successful, AI is gonna put a lot of real UFOs out of work.

INVALUABLE: THE TRUE STORY OF AN EPIC ARTIST / Out now (Synapse Films™, DiabolikDVD™)

“This feature-length documentary focuses on Tom Sullivan, an artist/sculptor and college friend of Sam Raimi, Bruce Campbell and Rob Tapert who became an integral part of The Evil Dead films — creating makeup effects and designing the Book of the Dead, among others. It includes archival behind-the-scenes Super-8 film footage, Hi8, VHS, and vintage audiotapes and photographs, original location visits and all-new interviews with Campbell, Ted Raimi, Josh Becker, Danny Hicks, Hal Delrich, Ellen Sandweiss, Betsy Baker, Theresa Tilly (aka, Sarah York) and others.”

Not a compelling title for the guy who designed groundbreaking demonic vomit. (I’d have titled it, The Master of Puke, Grandmaster Puke or The Puke of Earl.) There’s four hours of bonus material, but probably doesn’t include a vomit stain removal tutorial. You’ll have to go to YouTube™ for that (click here).

WRECK / March 1, 2023 (Hulu™)

“19-year-old new recruit Jamie infiltrates a 1,000-strong crew in a desperate race to find his missing sister, who worked on the same ship but vanished mid-charter. An overworked and underpaid crew live lives of partying and excess and they remain oblivious to bloodthirsty murders taking place on board.”

Wreck is a six-episode dark comedy UK TV series that premiered in British Land in October of 2022. I vaguely recall that year. Come to think of it, I’m a bit London foggy on the whole UK thing as well. Is that an actual town or a malt vinegar fish ’n chips pop-up booth?

MOON GARDEN / Release pending 2023 (Theaters, VOD)

“When a little girl has a terrible accident and slips into a coma, she finds herself thrust into a darkly surreal industrial dreamworld. Haunted by a nightmarish spectre that feeds off her tears, she must follow her mother’s radio-static voice to find her way back to consciousness.”

If this movie sounds familiar, it’s because it played a few snobby art house theaters (where movie popcorn is eaten with a gloved hand and sodas sipped with pinky extended) in 2022. But don’t hold that against Moon Garden — just watch the trailer on YouTube™ and try and figure out how they pulled off all those phantasmagorical visuals without being strung out on psychedelic drugs. P.S. Don’t do drugs. 

Slashers of the Universe, Teen Exterminator, Eco-Friendly Snake Pit

More from the world of AI-generated art, this batch being a mash-up of 1980’s Masters of the Universe with its characters being recast using Jason Voorhees, Freddy Krueger, Pennywise, Michael Myers and Chucky joining the made-for-toy ranks of Skeletor, He-Man and Beast Man. If these ever get manufactured into cool bath tub toys, I’m pretty sure I’d sell my car for a complete set. 

In case you don’t know anything about Masters of the Universe, I could tell you, but here’s what I “borrowed” from Wikipedia™ because I ate too much lazy soup for lunch: “Masters of the Universe (sometimes referred to as the He-Man or She-Ra series) is a sword and planet-themed media franchise created by Mattel™. The main premise revolves around the conflict between He-Man (the alter ego of Prince Adam) and Skeletor on the planet Eternia, with a vast lineup of supporting characters in a hybrid setting of medieval sword and sorcery, and sci-fi technology.”

Sounds like happy Hour at the Tug Tavern. So while we head to the Tug to experience the entire spectrum of artificial intelligence, here are a few upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not benefit from an AI-generated script…

LITTLE BONE LODGE / Release pending 2023 (VOD)

“During a vicious storm, two criminal brothers on the run seek refuge in a desolate farmhouse. Taking the resident family captive, they find the house holds dark secrets of its own.”

And that secret is the farm family is all lactose intolerant. That’s why the farm is desolate — no cows.

PENSIVE Release pending 2023 (VOD)

“After classmates destroy life-size wooden folk art statues during a wild high school graduation party at a remote cottage, a mysterious killer starts picking them off one by one.”

A graduation bash is called wild by destroying wood statues? Today’s high schoolers don’t have a clue how to party. 

THE UNSEEN / Release pending 2023 (VOD)

“A law student finds himself in a twisted web of murder and deceit brought on by a dark force from his past.”

I could never be a lawyer — I can’t pass a bar. [Insert rim shot here]

QUICKSAND / Release pending 2023 (VOD)

“An American couple, on the brink of divorce, travel to Colombia for a work conference. While on a hike through the Rainforest, a storm causes them to become trapped in a pit of quicksand. Unable to move, it becomes a struggle for survival as they battle the elements of the jungle and a venomous snake in order to escape.”

There are snakes in the Rainforest? No thank you — those things goon me out. I’ll do my dirty business in the park. As usual.

Automated Nightmares, Werewolf Flowerbed, AM/FM Evil

In the exploding world of AI (artificial intelligence) art — where you type in key words/descriptive phrases and a sentient computer does the design for you — there’s only one question: can you call yourself an artist? This would be akin to rave DJs calling themselves musicians. (I stand on the “No — you’re not” side of that debate.)

No doubt the flood of AI art — accomplished by MidJourney.com — generates mind-altering and spectacular images; You don’t need a paintbrush to become a robotic Rembrandt — just type in a few words, click a button, and put your rage into the machine. And the horror/sci-fi/fantasy crowd doing this is hitting the gas. Take for example AI artist Paul Parsons (aka, jed.ai.master), who has taken his unique visions and pushes the boundaries of what this new technology can do. And he did it without crayons, water colors, pencils or chalk, the preferred medium of today.

While you click on over to MidJourney.com and start creating your own line of virtual virtuosity, here are a few upcoming horror/sci-fi TV series/movies that may or may not be made by a computer. An iPhone™ maybe…

SCARE BNB: THE HOSTS / February 28, 2023 (DIVABoxOffice.tv)

“The first original, LGBTQ+ series: two couples — long-time friends since high school — are in high spirits when they arrive at a remote, rental cabin in the Tennessee woods for a much-needed vacation. But, upon their arrival, they find the overly attentive owners may want to host them to death.”

A remote cabin in the Tennessee woods? Um, that’s exactly where The Evil Dead was filmed in 1981. I’ll bet my possessed soul that it’s the same cabin, too. Wonder if those evil neighbors still live nearby? They seemed nice.

WOLF GARDEN / February 28, 2023 (VOD)

“A man who has gone into isolated hiding is haunted by visions.”

If you wanna keep wolves out of your garden, fertilize it with Nair™ and… Okay, I took the shot and missed the rim. It’s been a rough week. Maybe I should get in a little isolated hiding.

SOUND OF SILENCE / March 9, 2023 (VOD)

“When her father is gravely injured, Emma returns to her family home in Italy. Alone in the house while her father recovers, she encounters a haunted radio — and the evil entity behind it. With the supernatural force growing stronger by the hour, Emma must reveal the dark secret behind the radio’s curse to survive the night.”

I think it’d be really cool to listen to a haunted radio. Just as long as the supernatural DJ doesn’t play rap music. Smooth jazz, yes. Hip hop, hell to tha no.

THE KNOCKING / Release pending 2023 (VOD)

“Three adult siblings return to their childhood home where their parents were allegedly murdered many years ago. The plan is to get the house and estate ready to be sold but it turns out there’s something evil that tries to prevent them from doing so.”

If they find a buyer who doesn’t mind murder stains (anything can be covered up with paint), they’ll make a…killing…on the sale. I have no idea why I find that to be funny.

Vampires, Mummies, Robots, Teenagers

Some old faces, some new faces. Kinda like looking in a fun house mirror. (Man, I gotta get me one o’ those things. Then I’d be a god.)

UNDERWORLD BLOOD WARS (January 9, 2017)
“Vampire death dealer Selene fends off brutal attacks from both the Lycan clan and the Vampire faction that betrayed her. With her only allies – David and his father Thomas — she must stop the eternal war between Lycans and Vampires, even if it means she has to make the ultimate sacrifice.”

Werewolves versus vampires swap spit on the battlefield one more time, although the press release hints that it’s the end of the line for the highly popular/successful Underworld franchise. Whenever I hear the words “ultimate sacrifice,” I think of that time I tried a tiny sip of wine at the urging of a friend’s wife. Barfed my guts out all over the place. Beer = cool. Wine = NOT COOL.

THE MUMMY (June 9, 2017)
“Thought safely entombed in a crypt deep beneath the unforgiving desert an ancient queen, whose destiny was unjustly taken from her, is awakened in our current day, bringing with her malevolence grown over millennia and terrors that defy human comprehension.”

Tom Cruise heads up this big budget re-remake. I like Tom – he rocked it in Edge of Tomorrow (2014) and Oblivion (2013), two of the better sci-fi movies in recent years. Heck, he’s even been smacking alien arse since 2005’s War of the Worlds. Tom will save us from the Mummy. I have no doubt.

#SCREAMERS (2017)
“When an Internet company decides to investigate a series of ‘Screamer’ videos, they are confronted with havoc and hell they could never expect.”

I’ve seen those #Screamer videos on YouTube™. Most of ‘em are just dumb teenagers doing dumb things. Sorry, I meant to say ALL teenagers are dumb.

KILL COMMAND (out now / VOD), December 27, 2016 / DVD)
“Set in a near future, technology-reliant society is creating killing machines. Against this backdrop an elite army unit is helicoptered in to a remote, off-the-grid island training facility, to test the capabilities of the latest prototypes. They set up positions and make short work of the AI targets in the killing field. However, overnight their sentry goes missing, and when they find the corpse the next day they find themselves in the killing field and the tables have turned. The Marines fight to survive on an island is overrun by an enemy intelligence far beyond their predecessors, which learns from their every move.”

Sounds like they borrowed a rejected script from The Terminator (1984). The tired plot of Kill Command might work better as a video game. Note to video game makers: I don’t play video games. A grand waste of time. I’d rather lay on the couch and enrich myself in the outer glow of TV’s nourishing content.