Archive for Academy Award

Horror Household, Elevator Sharks, Funny Zombies

Posted in Aliens, Classic Horror, Evil, Fantasy, Ghosts, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Scream Queens, Sharks, Slashers, TV Vixens, UFOs, Vampires, Werewolves, Witches, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on April 2, 2019 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

The Addams Family

The Addams Family started out as syndicated cartoon (1938), then a massively popular TV series (1964), an animated cartoon (1973), a TV film (1977), a second animated series (1992 — 1993), two big screen films (1991/1993), a touring theatre play (2017), a video game series, academic books, and soundtracks based around its Grammy-nominated theme song. Now the eccentrically macabre family gets yet another reboot as The Addams Family, a big-budget animated movie coming out October 18, 2019. To this date, my family has done none of the above.

The Addams Family

Here’s the plot: “The family they faces off against a crafty reality TV host while also preparing for their extended family to arrive for a major celebration.”

The Addams Family

Lots of celebrity vocal cords are lending their verbal skillz to this one: “Charlize Theron will voice Morticia Addams and Oscar Isaac is voicing Gomez Addams, with Chloë Grace Moretz as Wednesday Addams. The cast also includes Finn Wolfhard as Pugsley Addams, Nick Kroll as Uncle Fester, Bette Midler as Grandmama, Allison Janney as Margaux Needler, and Elsie Fisher as Parker Needler, the daughter of Margaux.

Chole Grace Moretz

Chloë Grace Moretz, who voices Wednesday Addams, has in her vast acting resume, played a doomed kid in a haunted house (The Amityville Horror/2005), a vampire (Let Me In/2010), a werewolf (Dark Shadows/2012), a telekinetic prom queen (Carrie/2013), a mini superhero (Kick-Ass/2010, Kick-Ass 2/2013), and a freedom fighter defending Earth from aliens (The 5th Wave/2016). I hereby nominate her for an Academy Award for being awesome. 

Here’s a few upcoming horror movies that may or may not be as awesome as Chloë Grace Moretz

The Silence

THE SILENCE (April 10, 2019/Netflix™)
“When the world is under attack from terrifying creatures who hunt their human prey by sound, 16-year old Ally Andrews, who lost her hearing at 13, and her family seek refuge in a remote haven. But they discover a sinister cult who are eager to exploit Ally’s heightened senses.”

Wasn’t the idea of creatures hunting people animals by sound the premise of A Quiet Place (2018)? I can hear a lawsuit in the distance.  

The Dead Don't Die

THE DEAD DON’T DIE (June 14, 2019)
The Dead Don’t Die is an upcoming American zombie horror comedy film, written and directed by Jim Jarmusch. It stars Adam Driver, Bill Murray, Selena Gomez, Chloë Sevigny, Steve Buscemi, Austin Butler, Tilda Swinton, Tom Waits, and Caleb Landry Jones.”

No plot just yet, but you could probably figure it out. It’s also being billed as “the greatest zombie cast ever disassembled.” That’s pretty dang funny.

47 Meters Down: Uncaged

47 METERS DOWN: UNCAGED (August 16, 2019)
“Four teens diving in a ruined underwater city quickly find themselves in a watery hell as their adventure turns to horror when they learn they are not alone in the submerged caves. As they swim deeper into the claustrophobic labyrinth of caves they enter the territory of the deadliest shark species in the ocean.”

The above art is actually a screen grab of an elevator in Vegas, which is a clever new way to advertise a movie. (There’s also a hilarious Child’s Play elevator as well.) I bet the elevator only goes down. 47 meters, is what I’m thinkin’.

Annabelle Comes_Home

ANNABELLE COMES HOME (June 28, 2019)
“Determined to keep Annabelle from wreaking more havoc, demonologists Ed and Lorraine Warren bring the possessed doll to the locked artifacts room in their home, placing her ‘safely’ behind sacred glass and enlisting a priest’s holy blessing. But an unholy night of horror awaits as Annabelle awakens the evil spirits in the room, who all set their sights on a new target — the Warrens’ ten-year-old daughter, Judy, and her friends.”

Think we just found Chucky a new girlfriend.

Happy Alien Day, Dinosaurs vs. Criminals, Rock Mom

Posted in Aliens, Classic Horror, Evil, Giant Monsters, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Scream Queens, TV Vixens, UFOs with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on April 26, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Alien Day

Today (Thursday, April 26, 2018) is Alien Day. And yes, it’s a globally recognized religious holiday. Traditional gifts include blurry photographs, night trips to Uranus, watches that stop for hours at a time and unearthly implants.

HR Giger Museum Bar

I’m sure you have a lot of themed activities planned, like going to the YMCA and getting probed in the locker room, inviting fellow abductees over to watch E.T. the Extraterrestrial (1982) and LOLing at that turd-shaped toilet plunger alien, or even stopping by the Museum HR Giger Bar in Château St. Germain, Gruyères, Switzerland (fashioned in part to honor of the late Giger’s Alien concept art) to slug down a few Romulan Ales while trying to score with “female” lifeforms.

Area 51

I’m headed for Area 51 and taking a few UFOs out for a test spin. It’s important to test drive a few before laying down the big bucks. FYI: Keep the extras like GPS but lose the LoJack™ — the government’s gonna steal it anyway, so why bleed the weasel?

E.T. the Extraterrestrial

Don’t forget to “phone home” if you party a little too much with your space brothers. Here are  few upcoming horror/sci-fi movies to help you forget tomorrow exactly what happened on your Uranus. (Don’t worry; it’ll all come back to vividly haunt you on Facebook™)…

The Jurassic Games

THE JURASSIC GAMES (June 12, 2018/VOD | July 3, 2018/DVD)
“The film imagines a world set in the near future wherein ten Death Row convicts are chosen to compete in The Jurassic Games, the ultimate virtual reality game show that pits its players against dinosaurs and each other. However, there is a catch; if you die in the virtual game, you also die in reality. As the devious Host continues adding improbable challenges, the characters will find the odds stacked against them as only one victor can emerge as winner and reclaim their freedom.”

The TRUE Hunger Games — heh. So criminals versus dinosaurs. My money’s on the dinosaurs. 

Venom

VENOM (October 5 (2018)
“One of Marvel’s most enigmatic, complex and badass characters comes to the big screen, starring Academy Award nominated actor Tom Hardy as the lethal protector, Venom.”

Venom

Glad they re-serviced the key art. The first one looked like Mothman horked up a Rorschach test.

Embryo

EMBRYO (2018)
Kevin and his girlfriend Evelyn, while camping out in the woods in the Chile countryside, are abducted and Evelyn is impregnated by otherworldly beings. As the entity inside her begins to grow at a rapid rate, Evelyn discovers that the cravings she’s experiencing can only be satiated by the taste of human flesh and blood. When she attacks a doctor, Kevin decides not to hand her over to the authorities, but to go on the run and try to get to big city where they can find help to remove the thing that’s slowly taking over Evelyn’s body.”

Creature feature unsafe sex knocker-uppers aren’t new. A few off the top of the ‘ol untouched condom display rack: The Mole People (1956), Day the World Ended (1956), The Alligator People (1959), Alien (1979), Humanoids From The Deep (1980), The Beast Within (1982), Inseminoid (1981), The Fly (1986), The Terror Within (1989)… I could go on for another nine months. Then there’s the reverse impregnation sci-fi romance tale that is Species (1995). Unfortunately, for you, there is no such thing as a “movie after” pill.

Hollow Body

HOLLOW BODY (2018)
“A struggling rock band led by Jimmy Kleen makes a deal with Rick Roland, a shady record executive. Things take a dark turn when the band’s lead singer Rachel Swann and her controlling stage mother, are struck by lightning and killed. Rachel comes back to life, now possessed by the spirit of her dead mother and with strange electrical powers she can’t control. Both personalities struggle for dominance of her body while the band begins to take off. Rachel’s bandmate discovers the dark secret behind the band’s success: Rachel is using her electrical powers to kill men and drain them of their electricity, transmuting it into electrifying performances. He and Jimmy must decide if they will stop her or if the high cost of success is a price they are willing to pay.”

Sounds like Shocker (1989) with guitars. For another struck-by-lighting-and-becomes-electricity “accidents”, look no further than Supergirl’s not-BFF, Livewire on the hit CW hit TV series. Say what you will about her being bonkers and able to throw electricity around like parade candy, she could re-charge your cell phone in, like, one second. That’s pretty neat.

Alien Jockeys, Bad Students, Pool Monsters

Posted in Aliens, Classic Horror, Evil, Giant Monsters, Misc. Horror, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Slashers with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 28, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Alien

You’ll be visibly shaken to find out the fossilized, giant space alien in 1979’s Alien (one of the movie’s iconic scenes) was replicated as a scale model that measured slightly over 3’ x3’. That’s so emotionally crushing as all these years I though that thing was 100’ x100’. Next, someone will tell me there’s no such thing as Krampus. I don’t think I could handle that.

Alien

What’s more shocking is that the space jockey model, previously owned by 20th Century Fox Executive Peter Beale, was put up for grabs by Nate D. Sanders Autographs and Memorabilia Auction with a starting bid of $100,000 smackos. Here’s the sales pitch:

“Scarce model from the 1979 film Alien of the famed Space Jockey character aboard the Derelict Spaceship’, designed and hand-painted by H.R. Giger. One of the most recognizable scenes in sci-fi cinema, the haunting Space Jockey aka The Pilot, found dead aboard the alien spaceship, was conceived and designed by famed Swiss surrealist painter, sculptor and visual effects artist H.R. Giger, whose work on Alien won an Academy Award in 1980.”

H.R. Giger

The auction ended successfully with someone coughing up the mega space bucks for the model. I would’ve bid on it, but I left $100,000 around here somewhere. Probably stuck between couch cushions or in a pair of not-so-fresh britches I threw into a 3’ x 3’ pile of laundry that needs to be washed and/or salvaged by the Nostromo.

So yeah, denied. While you make plans to join me for a candlelight vigil, here are a few upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not cost $100,000 to rent…

Grey Agenda

GREY AGENDA (available now)
“When a group of friends go missing, the local police are shocked at the return of a mysterious stranger. While searching for their missing friends, they uncover a dark secret and the truth behind the ‘Grey Agenda’.”

Abducted by aliens or everyone just at the mall? While I have yet to be abducted by extraterrestrials, I have fallen prey to the black hole pull of the mall. Man, you could spend days in there and no one would even know.

Creep 2

CREEP 2 (available now)
“Sara is a video artist whose primary focus is creating intimacy with lonely men. After finding an ad online for ‘video work’ she thinks she may have found the subject of her dreams. She drives to a remote house in the forest and meets a man claiming to be a serial killer. Unable to resist the chance to create a truly shocking piece of art, she agrees to spend the day with him, but discovers she may have dug herself a hole from which she cannot escape.”

Didn’t see all of the original Creep (2014) movie. I got through the first 10 minutes and was distracted by the mall and felt a driving need to go there. I just couldn’t help myself. I’ll go back and watch it, but first I need to get down to the mall; Hot Topic™ is having a 2-for-1 sale on faux Goth products. Score!

Dismissed

DISMISSED (November 21, 2017/VOD)
“An idealistic, straight-laced English teacher is drawn down a nightmarish rabbit hole by an honor roll student who will stop at nothing to get an ‘A.’”

Is this even a horror movie? At least they got the title right.

Nereus

NEREUS (2018)
“A young girl is attacked by an unearthly creature in her friend’s swimming pool. Later, she discovers that anyone who comes into contact with the water is in danger and she is driven to confront the mystical and malevolent creature lurking in the depths.”

Probable spoiler: The “unearthly creature” could be an unpackaged Baby Ruth™ candy bar, which looks a heckuva lot like a pool monster. Can’t think of anything else that would resemble the dark brown and peanut lumpy treat. Except maybe a Mountain Bar™.

Ghost Shark: Bites From Beyond

Posted in Ghosts, Giant Monsters, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Scream Queens, TV Vixens with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 12, 2015 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Ghost Shark

2013’s Ghost Shark is memorable for a number of reasons, sub-budget special effects/dialogue/acting notwithstanding. But first you have to ignore the plot, which gives Ghost Shark its rai·son d’ê·tre.

After being fed a hand grenade thrown from a fishing boat by redneck a-holes, Ghost Shark’s corpse floats into a half-submerged cave where early settlers performed satanic rituals. (Okay, what?) It is here Dead Shark is converted into a glowing, transparent kill-beast able to trans-morph out of any body of water, be it a fire hydrant, bath tub, swimming pool, mud puddle and even a bottled water drinking fountain. And this is exactly what makes Ghost Shark’s 84 minutes of dumbassery entertaining.

Ghost Shark

GS crashes a pool party and devours teenagers. GS opens wide and swallows little kids on a Slip ’n Slide™, an unsuspecting youngster shooting down the shark’s throat as if a human oyster on the half shell. A mayor’s assistant pouring himself a cool and refreshing paper cup of thirst quenching death after GS leaves the bottled water container and is delivered to the assistant’s insides, where it splits the guy in half during the chewing out. (This scene alone is worth an Academy Award.)

Ghost Shark

Time wasters until Ghost Shark straps on the feedbag: a drunk lighthouse keeper, savaged by guilt for killing his wife in said satanic cave years ago who seeks revenge on GS. Not sure how that works. The smack-talking mayor going on a Jaws-driven balance-of-justice boat ride. (His crunchy death – being sucked down a watery toilet – as a true feel-good moment.) Tthen there’s the never-ending parade of young girls in bikinis and a really, really fat guy riding a jet ski that looked like it might get permanently lodged into FG’s ass crack on the next wave.

Ghost Shark

Back to the bikinis: Most horror films feature young gals in their 20s, probably still in community college or of X-rated movie age. Not so with Ghost Shark; The girls running around in kite string swimsuits are barely (heh) in high school. I felt somewhat dirty watching Ghost Shark make fish bait out of jail bait. I would’ve showered my shame away afterward, but hey – Ghost Shark possibly coming through the nozzle.

Ghost Shark 2: Urban Jaws

P.S. Ghost Shark 2: Urban Jaws (pending 2015) is not a sequel or related to Ghost Shark. It’s an indie movie (i.e., made with two New Zealand guys and a Best Buy™ video camera) that was supposed to have come out in 2010. Time to put down the Foster’s mates, and show us some of your Down Under horror. Okay, that didn’t come out right.

Bigfootage

Posted in Bigfoot, Giant Monsters, Nature Gone Wild with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on November 9, 2014 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Hunting The Legend

Hunting The Legend – YET ANOTHER “found footage” horror movie. Hunting The Legend – YET ANOTHER “found footage” horror movie about Bigfoot. Both are so 1999. And yet anyone with a hand-held camera thinks doing movies like this makes them a filmmaker. If that’s the case, then I should be up for an Academy Award™ for my movie, Doing Stuff in the Neighbor’s Pool While They’re Gone (2013). Now there’s some found footage.

While Neighbor’s Pool was full of drama and twist-y plot turns (the garbage can submarine was pure genius), there’s nothing in the trailer for Hunting The Legend that doesn’t scream Blair Witch Project (1999) rip-off.

Hunting The Legend

Case in point: “When Chris Copeland was a young boy, his father was abducted by the legendary Bigfoot when the two went on a hunting trip. Authorities gave up on the case, stating it was all caused by a wild boar. It’s now five years later and Chris has recruited the help of two friends and a hired film crew to take matters into their own hands and capture the truth of the mystery monster.”

And just to drive home my bitchy point, the broken-but-still-running video camera on Hunting The Legend’s movie poster rips-off Diary of the Dead (2007) and Area 407 (2012), two other found footage horror movies.

Diary of the Dead / Area 407

Found footage “filmmakers” should just leave the camera to me and an unattended swimming pool.

Faust In The House

Posted in Evil, Fantasy, Giant Monsters with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on March 15, 2014 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Faust: Love of the Damned

Gargantuan boobs, wholesale decapitations, kegs of blood, devil dealings, icky demons, cool red capes… Why Faust: Love of the Damned (2000), a horror/sci-fi-/fantasy flesh rodeo wasn’t nominated for an Academy Award™ offends me.

Faust: Love of the Damned

A knock-off of Spawn (1997), another artist type witnesses his mail-order girlfriend being killed with a blowtorch to the eye. Ouch-y. Depressed about this, he is later interrupted by a freakishly weird weirdo whilst trying to off himself by flying off a bridge without a hang-glider. The busybody is the mysterious “M,” who offers suicide boy revenge in exchange for his soul. Standard deal. But sure, why not?

Faust: Love of the Damned

Contract signed in sticky blood, the man grows Wolverine blades on his arms, which he uses to Cuisinart™ his enemies. He also cuts a train in half with ’em, which is cooler than you’d initially think.

Faust: Love of the Damned

Along the way he falls for a supermodel psychotherapist who has daddy issues every since she was sexually initiated at the ripe old age of 11. Then there’s a cop who learns “the truth” and signs up for a soul-searching vacation in Hell.

Faust: Love of the Damned

M’s girlfriend is a sex-dispensing hottie who has a novel way of breaking up with boyfriends she’s just met and had sex with: she kills them, sometimes before they even get their pants back on. Hey, if you’re gonna go…

Faust: Love of the Damned

Based on a comic book, Faust is a clever, fun and sometimes goofy movie for those who enjoy dismemberment and demon sex in-between handfuls of blowtorch popcorn.