Archive for Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter

Pilfering Horror & Sci-Fi

Posted in Aliens, Giant Monsters, Science Fiction, UFOs, Vampires, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 14, 2016 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Independents’ Day

Led Zeppelin is getting sued for $40 million for “stealing” the opening riff that was used to create “Stairway to Heaven.” Asylum Studios – who have been outright stealing movie ideas/plots and slightly modifying the titles – get rewarded with a 15% percent profit margin on blatantly plagiarized horror/sci-fi knock-offs. Led Zeppelin should hire Asylum’s attorneys.

Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter / Abraham Lincoln vs. Zombies

We’ve all seen Asylum’s robbery techniques: Abraham Lincoln vs. Zombies (ripping off Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter), Transmorphers (ripping off Transformers), The Day The Earth Stopped (ripping off The Day The World Stood Still), Battle of Los Angeles (ripping off Battle: Los Angeles), and so many more, you almost can’t keep track.

Transformers / Transmorphers

Asylum continues the business model with Independents’ Day, which is set for release (June 7, 2016) in front of (!) Independence Day: Resurgence (June 24, 2016), the sequel to the 1996 blockbuster, Independence Day. And because Asylum makes these movies on the cheap (usually around $250,000.00 – and uses the SyFy Channel™ as a primary garbage delivery system – there’s no way they can’t make money.

Battle: Los Angeles / Battle of Los Angeles

So how much bling are we talkin’? According to Forbes Business™, averaging around $150k per film. For a studio that doesn’t have to invest any money in the creative department and cranks out between 25 and 30 “movies” a year, that adds up. As Forbes™ reports, $12 million a year in greasy gained wallet stuffers.

The Day The Earth Stood Still / The Day The Earth Stopped

To be fair, not all of Asylum’s, movies are “mockumentaries.” But since the appetite for ultra low-grade cheese like Almighty Thor is insatiable, Asylum will continue to bold-face rip off intellectual properties and keeping climbing their own stairway to heaven – even though it was already built by somebody else.

Thor / Almight Thor

Sherlock Holmes vs. Frankenstein

Posted in Classic Horror, Science Fiction, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 29, 2015 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Sherlock Holmes vs. Frankenstein

Sherlock Holmes vs. Frankenstein. I was wondering when those two were gonna lock it up given all the period piece mash-ups leaking into our popped cultured brains: Helen Keller vs. Nightwolves (2015), FDR: American Badass! (2012), Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter (2012), Pride and Prejudice and Zombies (2016).

Filming in Belgium near the German border in a castle of all things (what, Starbucks™ too “contemporary” for you?), Sherlock Holmes vs. Frankenstein (release pending) will make it to your face if they get enough crowdfunding via IndieGoGo [click HERE]. In the meantime, the filmmakers have uploaded a nice trailer to get your wallet warmed up.

So here’s how these two legendary icons get in a tangle: “1898. Sherlock Holmes and Doctor Watson travel to Germany to investigate a strange case in the village of Darmstadt.”

“Who is the mysterious figure who digs up corpses and steals their limbs? Could these events be related to the nearby presence of Castle Frankenstein, whose name is closely associated to Mary Shelley’s horror novel? Everyone is a suspect.”

I’m not a suspect. I have a iron-clad alibi; I was drinking a cold refreshing adult beverage and watching the telly.

Sherlock Holmes vs. Frankenstein has a killer movie poster created by Gil Jouin, a French illustrator. I wonder if he’d be available to design the poster for my upcoming crowdfunded period flick, Daniel Boone vs. Mecha Old Yeller. I only need $15 dollars to get this thing done.

Nutty Horror

Posted in Misc. Horror, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction with tags , , , , , , on August 27, 2013 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Squirrels

Squirrels have been referred to as rats with good PR. That’s dang funny. I’ve since paraphrased in order to impress the high society crowds I hang out with by employing lines like, “I say dear fellow, waffles are merely pancakes with good PR.” Top drawer stuff. Always gets a laugh.

Squirrels are in the Top 10 of all time cute animals that you just want to rub against your face and give ’em adorable names like “Mr. Fuzz,” “Chip Monk,” and “Destroyah.” In truth, though, squirrels, the latest animal to be made a horror villain, are four-legged toilets brushes that can infect you with foamy rabies with one well-place nibble.

Squirrels

Scheduled for release in 2014 and based on a 30-second concept by producer Timur Bekmambetov (Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter/2012), the blandly titled Squirrels finds our furry forest friend wreaking utter havoc. Hence…

“When a young man’s estranged father is killed under suspicious circumstances, he returns home for the first time in years to get to the bottom of the mystery. Hoping to uncover some logical explanation, he instead finds his mom’s sleazy new boyfriend, a natural gas company buying up the town, an angry female sheriff who happens to be his ex-girlfriend, and an army of flesh-eating squirrels hellbent on destroying everything in their path due to an erosion of their food chain as a result of environmental destruction by the gas company.”

Blood Waffles

Flesh-eating squirrels. Kinda rolls right off the tongue. I bet these squirrels would eat your tongue. If they didn’t, then the movie wouldn’t have a whole lot of appeal. Yeah, the whole thing sounds pretty dang dumb. I’d rather see a movie about acid syrup-spraying waffles that punch square holes in you. And the movie could be made in Belgium. And cities under siege by these lethal breakfast monsters call on butter companies to combat… Yeah, pretty dumb as well. I really thought I was on to something there for a sec.

And then the beer wore off.