Archive for A Ghost Story

Happy Horror-days, East Coast Aliens, Irish Witches

Posted in Aliens, Classic Horror, Evil, Foreign Horror, Ghosts, Giant Monsters, Misc. Horror, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Scream Queens, Slashers, UFOs, Witches with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 29, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Yuletide Terror: Christmas Horror On television And Film

Finally someone jumped on the holiday horror genre and did a book on ’em. With Christmas horror movies coming out every other day, hard to froth up my holiday attitude. But Yuletide Terror: Christmas Horror on Film And Television (releasing December, 2017/ Spectacular Optical) has your/our/my back.

Krampus

The press release is mega long, so I just included this section: “Yuletide Terror collects over 20 essays and interviews that will deck your halls with insightful looks at all your festive fright favorites, including the BBC’s A Ghost Story for Christmas anthology series and contentious 1980s Santa slashers like Silent Night, Deadly Night. Unwrapping the true meaning of films featuring everyone from the Krampus and Scrooge to killer snowmen and evil elves, Yuletide Terror is a comprehensive look at TV and cinematic holiday horror from around the world, and includes a compendium including nearly 200 Christmas horror film reviews.”

Krampus Kandy

Now THAT sounds like a perfect addition to the porcelain library. Mind you, this is a crowdfunded project and is a word selfie. Don’t let that dissuade you from buying it. People need to know what a dick Santa Claus is. (In your red face red guy; I told you there were consequences in not getting me that Batman costume with candy-loaded utility belt when I was young-ish.)

While we start applying eye drops in anticipation of reading this book, here are a few just-released and upcoming horror/sci-fi movie and documentaries to strain your vision…

The Grinn

THE GRINN (available now/VOD)
“A man awakens in an empty house that he is unable to leave. Battling fatigue, injury and amnesia, and guided only by a cryptic voice on his phone, he begins piecing together fractured memories of the events that led him to be trapped. With a terrifying presence confining him inside the house, he ultimately discovers a truth more horrifying than he could have ever imagined.”

Somebody’s watch Saw (2004) too many times. Or not enough. Not sure there’s a difference. As for the truth of a terrifying presence, it’s probably a mirror, because that’s what The Grinn feels like.

Inside Ben

INSIDE BEN (available now/VOD)
When a man faces his fears, he realizes agoraphobia isn’t his biggest problem. The surprise ending will leave you in awe!

Big statement – hope they can back that up. Then again, Inside Ben did win a 2017 award as an official selection at the International Hotel Horror Fest. I care not for that. I want my foldable pocket money to actually be usable for something other than sparkly toothpaste (it sparkles!) and Sasquatch plaster foot cast ashtrays. (P.S. I don’t smoke. Those things just look cool and make me happy for some reason.)

Invasion of Chestnut_Ridge

INVASION ON CHESTNUT RIDGE (available now/VOD/DVD)
Aliens. Hair-covered beasts. Mysterious lights in the forest. Giant birds. What do they all have in common? This new documentary film makes the case that a mountain range in Southwestern Pennsylvania is their home. The terrifying ‘invasion’ comes in the form of various phenomena that have been seen by ordinary people living in the area since the 1800s.”

The claim all these monsters and phenomena originate from a mountain range in Southwestern Pennsylvania seems like a way to stretch 20 minutes into an hour and a half (kinda like watching golf matches on TV). Pennsylvania might be hard to spell, but they’re cool. I’d like to point out that the Pacific Northwest is home to lots of paranormal things, like Bigfoot, UFOs, giant octopuses, me and…gasp!…volcanoes. We’re surrounded by those spooky things. Let’s hope they’re duds — don’t tempt fate by climbing one and throwing a cigarette butt in the crater. (I’d do it, but like I said a few sentences ago, I don’t smoke.)

Crone Wood

CRONE WOOD (2017/2018)
“After only meeting the night before, a young couple enter the woods of Ireland and discover that not all of the country has left its Pagan roots behind.”

They’re not pagans, they’re enthusiastic drinkers. Big difference, though both consort with witches. Heh. The kicker line says it’s a terrifying blend of Blair Witch and The Wickerman, ironically two of the not-even-being-close-to-terryifing horror movies.

Ghosts, The Future, Rib-Eye Steaks

Posted in Evil, Ghosts, Science Fiction, Slashers, Vampires with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on March 29, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

A Ghost Story

Was eating a steak at my fav restaurant (JaK’s Grill) the other day (the “K” is supposed to be capitalized) and wondered between forking my face with savory chunks of rib-eye if Dracula ever ate a steak. Sure he’s eaten lots of stakes, but you’d think after hundreds of years of having those rammed into his gut hole, he’d wanna mix it up a bit. I suggest JaK’s top sirloin and work your way up to the 36 oz. Prime Delmonico (only $50 smackers). You have to wait a little longer to get it as it requires more cooking time, though. So if you’re Dracula or one of his minions, best not to order it before sunrise.

And yes, I do think about vampires when eating dinner. Helps take my mind off the bill. That said, here’s some potentially flavorful upcoming horror/sci-fi.

A GHOST STORY (July 17, 2017)
“In this singular exploration of legacy, love, loss, and the enormity of existence, a recently deceased, white-sheeted ghost returns to his suburban home to try and reconnect with his bereft wife.”

Dude, your widowed wife is gonna freak that you cut holes in her freshly laundered, lightweight cotton percale flat sheets. (Fitted sheets make for a very dumb looking poltergeist.) Try something else because you’re a ghost, dang it. Your forever job is to scare the sheet out of everybody.

Valerian

VALERIAN (July 21, 2017)
“In the 28th century, special operatives Valerian and Laureline maintain order throughout the universe for the government of the human territories. Under orders from their commander, the duo embark on a mission to Alpha, an intergalactic city where diverse species share their technology and resources for the betterment of all. The ever-expanding metropolis is also home to sinister forces that jeopardize the future of mankind.”

Yeesh — YET ANOTHER teen sci-fi movie. This one stars that chick with the uni-brow. Maybe future technology could fix that for her.

Escape From Cannibal Farm

ESCAPE FROM CANNIBAL FARM (2017)
“In the British countryside, the Harver family head out on an idyllic summer camping trip where they can bury past tensions and enjoy some family bonding. But when their camp is sabotaged by an unseen intruder in the night, they head to the nearby creepy old farm desperate for help, where vengeful farmer Hunt Hansen and his hideously deformed son aren’t farming animals. Caged and waiting for their limbs to be severed, cooked and eaten one at a time, the Harver family must overcome their differences and unite in order to escape alive.”

Gotta say, nifty title. It tells you everything you need to know going in. Curious as to why cannibal horror movies seem to arrive with, say, the regularity of breakfast, lunch and dinner. Of all horror’s sub-genres, you’d think people eating people wouldn’t be on the top of anyone’s menu. Guess the popularity of zombies have made cannibalism more mouth-watering. Okay, I’ll stop.

Tonight She Comes

TONIGHT SHE COMES (2017)
“After a girl goes missing, two of her friends and a mysterious set of strangers find themselves drawn to the cabin in the woods where she disappeared. They will laugh, they will drink, they will kiss, they will make love, and THEY MUST ALL DIE.”

Thanks, hack Hollywood press release writer — don’t need to see the movie now that you’ve just given it all away. Then again, we’ve all been watching this movie for decades. I should start watching same plot films like these with my eyes closed.