Archive for 976-Evil

Renamed Aliens, Social Evil, Fresh Beats

Posted in Aliens, Classic Horror, Evil, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 24, 2016 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Alien: Covenant

Recently had a conversation with my dumpster diving associate behind the Squeezie Mart about the state of horror and sci-fi movies. His position: “Technological advances in the visual arts have broken through the limitations of horror filmmaking, thereby pushing the medium into new territories…” Then he peed his pants to emphasize his point. My thought is I don’t care; I just wanna see things go squish on the big screen.

Anyway, here’s what’s new horror/sci-fi is coming up to make your bladder splatter. Presumably not in public.

ALIEN: COVENANT (May 19, 2017)
Alien: Covenant begins with the colony ship Covenant bound for a remote planet on the far side of the galaxy. The crew discovers what they think is an uncharted paradise, but is actually a dark, dangerous world, whose sole inhabitant is the ‘synthetic’ David, survivor of the doomed Prometheus expedition.”

Back in time — September 24, 2015, to be exact — I blogged that the next sequel in the Alien franchise was gonna be called Prometheus 2. That was the opposite of correct. Then I reported the movie was being retitled to Alien: Paradise Lost. Strike two. Now I find out it’ll be called Alien: Covenant. Not gonna say a word, other than I bet my life savings they’ll change the title again to make me look like a cred-less boob.

The Devil Lives Here

THE DEVIL LIVES HERE (December 13, 2016)
Three friends — Ale, Magu and Jorge — go on a trip to visit their friend Apolo at his family’s farm for a weekend of fun. At the same time, Sebastião and his younger brother Luciano are getting ready to perform the spiritual ritual their family has been tasked with every nine months, for centuries. On the night the two groups meet, they find out that what they thought were scary tales becomes more than real. It is now up to them to prevent evil to be born and take over the world.”

Spiritual ritual. That rhymes somehow. No doubt someone could turn rhymes into a rap song. Not me. No fan of rap here — or kids performing spiritual rituals. But hey, it should be fun to watch ‘em try and keep evil from being born and taking over the world, and then rapping about it against a backdrop of fresh beats.

Hostile

HOSTILE (2017)
“After a worldwide epidemic, most of the planet’s population is killed. Only a few thousand have survived and are struggling to find food and shelter. But they’re not alone: they have to hide from strange creatures that go hunting at night.”

Liked this better when it was called The Last Man on Earth (1964), The Omega Man (1971), and I Am Legend (2007).

Friend Request

FRIEND REQUEST (available now UK) / releasing 2017 / US)
“Laura is one of the most popular girls in her high school, seemingly adored by all. She is then sent a Facebook™ friend request by lonely Marina. Having initially accepted, Laura finds herself being obsessively pursued by Marina and not long afterwards hits the ‘unfriend’ button. When Marina apparently commits suicide in an online video, Laura’s life takes a turn for the terrifying, and she becomes the victim of a supernatural presence, attacked in her own home by a mysterious force. Is Marina responsible? And why does she refuse to disappear from Laura’s friend list, even as it increasingly diminishes in number?”

They forgot a question: who cares? Pointless social media horror has been around for a while. Not sure why; with its limited premise — do we need YET ANOTHER one? [Moviepilot.com lists Megan is Missing/2011, Smiley/2012), Antisocial/2013, The Den/2014, #Horror/2015, Unfriended/2015, and Ratter/2016, as “top” examples. They are wrong — all of ’em suck, because I’m older than social media and I can say things like that.]

Social Media Horror

Sorry, kids, but you can take your social media and cram it down your Facebook™. Back in my day our social media was the telephone — and we used it to call forth horror, i.e., 976-Evil (1988). Crank called satan all the time, we did. No fancy pants digital screen tapping, just pure finger-in-the-hole, rotary dialin’ horror.

976-Evil

Hellish Phone Bill

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Slashers with tags , , , , , , on August 28, 2013 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

976-Evil

Hoax Wilmoth has worse problems than his  name. As a socially-exorcised teen with a religious freak mom who can make it rain fish and a renegade male cousin whom he feels a certain pant-tingling attraction for, Hoax finds a telephone number that puts him in direct contact with…SATAN. (What’s a “telephone”?)

976-Evil

Thinking it’s one of those horoscope pay numbers, Hoax (yeesh, that name is stupid) calls and gets advice on how to deal with the gang of teen gay guys who beat him up every day and play strip poker together. (Instructions: chop off one guy’s hand, stab another with a neon pitchfork (!), punch through the chest of two others, yank out their black hearts and show it around the room.)

And that chick who scorned him? The evil voice tells him to make a pentagram out of salt and bugs, and the next thing you know, she’s being devoured alive by salty bugs.

976-Evil

Mom gets the phone bill and freaks. Hoax is pretty much up to here with her fire and brimstone, so she’s got to go. Then he writes a bunch of anti-church stuff all over the walls. I’ll give him this, his handwriting is nicely legible.

976-Evil

A final confrontation between Hoax and his dreaded cousin Spike makes the house fall apart to reveal a pit leading straight to Japan. Or Hell. If you’re not evil, go to Japan. If you’re evil, then go to Hell.

976-Evil

Hoax is played by Stephen Geoffrys and is the same character he played as Evil Ed in Fright Night (1985). All of 976-Evil’s (1988) gore and violence is done off-screen, which is surprising given that Robert EnglundFreddy Krueger himself – directed this horror-lite butt toffee. So when evil calls, hang up on it.