Archive for 3D

Scary-Go-Round

Posted in Asian Horror, Evil, Ghosts with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 13, 2015 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

The Park

Years ago a little girl dies after falling out of a Ferris wheel. (She was probably on drugs at the time and thought the ride was a vertical merry-go-round.) The ensuing grief causes the town’s amusement park to shut down. If Disney™ shut down every time someone died on one of their rides, we’d never get to feel up the Little Mermaid’s mom.

The Park

But what is an abandoned amusement park thought to be haunted by ghosts but a magical place just begging to be explored? Screw Disneyland™ and their defective rides – this is the happiest place on earth.

The Park

Spin forward to today: A young Asian hottie loses her brother in…THE PARK, so she goes into… THE PARK to find him. Mysteriously, all the lights and rides come to life as if someone hidden from sight had turned them on with a mystical switch or button. It’s all but said out loud that this place is owned and operated by Satan. (Maybe that’s why the cotton candy costs a hellish $6.66.)

The Park

That’s all I know about The Park (aka, Chow lok yuen/2003), an inherently dumb “horror” movie with tired special effects. As it was originally filmed in 3D and I made the mistake of renting the special edition version and didn’t have those cool paper glasses with one red eye and one blue eye to view it properly. Everything looked blurry. I just thought it was the malt liquor. I think I saw a digital ghost, though. More likely a solid fart.

Three-Dimensional Shark

Posted in Classic Horror, Giant Monsters, Nature Gone Wild with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 11, 2015 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Jaws 3-D

A 35-foot Great White shark gets caught in Sea World, an all-people-you-can eat theme park. This is where admission paying citizens come to swim, water-ski and pee now that everyone has lost their, um, appetite for swimming in the ocean. (See Jaws and Jaws II).

Jaws 3-D

Once the rogue chomper has been outed, a big game diver goes in to kill it. The shark swallows him whole and chews on him like seal jerky—and they show this from the inside of the shark’s mouth looking out! You don’t see that every day. (I do because I bought the DVD. Hey, it was only $1.99 at the gas station still in its original wrapper.)

Jaws 3-D

Where Jaws 3-D (1983) further belly-ups is with the appearance of Mama Jaws, a submarine-sized shark that’s looking for her little lost torso-biter. Filmed in 3-D didn’t help matters much and only made the sharks look even more rubber-esque and thus by extension not cool.

Jaws 3-D

The original title for this wet willie was the best thing going for it: “Jaws 3, People 0.”

Nightmare on Phlegm Street

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Fantasy, Scream Queens, Slashers with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on August 21, 2014 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

 Freddy’s Dead: The Final Nightmare

Up to 1991, it’s been a good, if not rewarding 10 years for Freddy Krueger, the supernatural serial killer who has gleefully slaughtered nearly all the kids of Springwood. Unfortunately, there’s still one left, a John Doe who can’t remember his past, but has no problem with nightmares, Freddy’s enabling device.

 Freddy’s Dead: The Final Nightmare

Freddy attempts to close the file on this one but discovers he’s trapped within Springwood’s city limits. That sucks because the only bar in town closes early. And some more of Freddy’s past is also unveiled. Did you know Freddy was abused as a kid? Or that he was married, had a kid and killed his wife? Truly, an active member of his community.

 Freddy’s Dead: The Final Nightmare

John Doe gets the thought in his empty grocery bag of a brain that he’s Freddy’s offspring. He’s wrong – it’s one of the chicks he’s hanging out with who is the DNA sample of you-know-who. (Not a spoiler – they telegraph this one.) So it becomes Daddy-Daughter Day, with the girl giving her dear old melted face dad a Father’s Day gift in the form of a pipe bomb. A tie is more traditional, but points for originality.

 Freddy’s Dead: The Final Nightmare

The otherworldly fight scenes between Maggie (wouldn’t it be funny if she was named Frida Krueger?) and Freddy are inventive but double corny, especially when the movie switches to 3-D in Freddy’s world. But then, that’s why we watch sucker bait movies like Freddy’s Dead: The Final Nightmare (1991). And by we, I mean me.

So is Freddy really dead? I don’t know as I quit watching any more of these sequels after this. OK, that is a total lie. I didn’t want you to think less of me. Sigh.