Archive for the Science Fiction Category

Extraterrestrial Feminine Hygiene

Posted in Aliens, Science Fiction, Scream Queens, UFOs with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on February 10, 2015 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Alien Tampon

It makes you wonder what going through the minds of the filmmakers behind the upcoming Alien Tampon (2015) when they decided that was an awesome movie title. Where they sitting around drinking Pabst Blue Ribbon tall boys and watching discount porn? Were the trying to out gross Terror at Bloodfart Lake (2009)? Or are the filmmakers using the tampon as a new spin on extraterrestrial probe jobs?

Alien Tampon

At any rate Alien Tampon is one of those movies you won’t be able to help but watch, just to see how far they push the concept. No plot yet, but doubt they need one. Ick factor (for non-fetish guys, anyway) likely running high, which can be somewhat excused as it’s a “horror, science-fiction, comedy, action” film.

P.S. There’s a sequel to Terror at Bloodfart Lake titled predictably enough, Return to Bloodfart Lake (2012). Sounds like the time I spent at summer camp as a kid who discovered “accidental” bodily noises to be absolutely hysterical. Some things never change.

Futuristic Sci-Fi

Posted in Aliens, Evil, Science Fiction with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 7, 2015 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

The Omega File

Been awhile since I fully invested myself into a sci-fi television series. If it’s not The Walking Dead, American Horror Story or select episodes of Hemlock Grove, I can’t seem to make my attention span stick, even during binge watching. I blame Lost (2004 – 2010) for this. (All those years and a pay-off that was as weak as a penny slot machine.)

So now comes The Omega File, complete with cool looking creatures and a snake woman. (They probably already gave her a name, but I’ll just call her Melisssssa. Heh.)

The Omega File

Here is a snapshot of what we can expect when this project arrives in every format known to man, and probably even Netscape 3: “Solomon Archer, the leader of The Alliance, has been captured. He will be freed by his lover, a Snake Woman. Together with the help of Rocky and another teammate they will try to destroy The Order, the evil that is ruling planet earth.”

The Omega File

You got your hero, his love interest, a BFF made out of rock, the good guys and the bad guys, as well as a heaping helping of EVIL. I ask you, what good is anything without evil?

Hopefully, The Omega File comes out in the future year of 2015. I’ll cryogenically freeze myself to await its debut.

Frog Aliens

Posted in Giant Monsters, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Scream Queens with tags , , , , , , , , , on January 31, 2015 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Alien Incursion

Alien Incursion (2006). Had to look up “incursion” because I didn’t know what it meant. The definition is: “An aggressive entrance into foreign territory.” Sounds like my last proctology exam.

Alien Incursion

An alien meteor does an incursion into the woods, where it busts open and little snake-like aliens wiggle out and look for hosts to incur. Once inside the human body, the aliens eat your guts and pop out your stomach, just like their grandpa did in Alien (1979).

Alien Incursion

After they make their grand exit, the space eels grow at an alarming rate (they have to – the movie is only 90 minutes long) and turn into giant frogs with teeth and spiky things on their backs. For budgetary reasons, these “frogliens” are computer-generated, which means they suck.

Alien Incursion

Tack on a ham-fisted plot about a para-military group wearing KISS makeup sent in to eliminate the evidence (and witnesses), a weapon-hoarding survivalist, a forest ranger chick with lips so puffy from collagen shots she could be a blonde mudshark, a bunch of whiny characters that deserve to be frog food, and you have one helluva stupid sci-fi movie.

The best part – everyone dies, except two campers who will no doubt go on to have nightmares about being associated with this porcelain swirler.

Harping On Horror

Posted in Evil, Fantasy, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, TV Vixens, Witches with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 30, 2015 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Harpies

A washed-up NY cop is having a bad day. His wife wants a divorce. The police force won’t let him shoot people anymore. And his job as a security guard at a museum is about as interesting as the science behind why paint dries.

Harpies

Some well-prepared thugs break in to crack the new exhibit containing a mystical egg jewel that when hooked up to a gold amulet opens a portal to the time of the Harpies (972 AD, when chicks didn’t shave their legs or under their arms).

Harpies

W.U.C. (Washed Up Cop) intervenes but gets sucked back in time, where he regards his time travel as an every day occurrence. It’s there he encounters the days of yore and winged nag creatures that are so poorly special effected, they wouldn’t even be allowed in a video game – from 1980.

Harpies

To call Harpies (2007) a crappy movie is to be overly complimentary. Up closed the creatures look like crack whores, and Stephen Baldwin as the “hero” pitifully tries to echo Bruce Campbell’s character in Army of Darkness (1992), but falls so short as to be embarrassing to his mom and even his neighbors.

Damned To Heck

Posted in Aliens, Classic Horror, Science Fiction with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 27, 2015 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

John Carpenter’s Village of the Damned

John Carpenter’s Village of the Damned (1995) is a pointless remake of 1960’s movie of the same name/plot/ending but with “John Carpenter” added. Maybe someone thought adding the legendary horror/sci-fi director’s name to the title would make it sell more. It did, but that strategy didn’t make the movie better.

John Carpenter’s Village of the Damned

One day everyone in Midwich, California passes out, right in the middle of what they were doing. Not good for some of the small town’s residents, one of whom happened to be grilling food and tested the charcoal temperature with his face. Later, everyone wakes up going, “WTF?”

John Carpenter’s Village of the Damned

A few months pass and all the child-bearing women in town are knocked up, giving birth in record time to super-intelligent, Aryan Nation-esque white-haired kids with glowing eyes. Again we ask, “WTF?”

John Carpenter’s Village of the Damned  These psychic youngsters can use their minds to make you do stuff, like slice your skin open with a scalpel. Where this movie differs is with lots more blood and things that cause the letting of blood. (There was none of the above in the original and/or its sequel.)

John Carpenter’s Village of the Damned

The final solution to stopping these alien ankle-biters is the same the second time around (think brick wall—literally), but one protective mother found a way to get around it. Pity – I generally like to see kids go kaBOOM.

Women and Dinosaurs

Posted in Giant Monsters, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Scream Queens with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 23, 2015 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Extenction

Totally not surprised to see a “dinosaurs run amok” movie coming out as anticipation swells for the impending Jurassic World (2015), in which dinosaurs run amok. Extinction (previously known as The Expedition) premiers in London on February 25, 2015. I shan’t be there.

Extinction, which is a slight title improvement over The Expedition, goes a little something like this: “Deep in the Amazon jungle a research team lead by a respected Professor embark on an expedition to protect vulnerable and endangered species. After a series of strange events their superstitious guides abandon them and the team choose to remain deep in the jungle, dedicated to the project. But as night falls in the camp they begin to realize that all is not as it seems, and that they are in the hunting ground of a predator – one they never could have expected.”

I call B.S. on the whole “they are in the hunting ground of a predator – one they never could have expected” thing. Did they not see the movie poster? Clearly, the predator is a flippin’ dinosaur. Geez people – open your eyes for crying out loud.

Heh.

XX

Changing lanes entirely, XX (2015) is an anthology of four short stories using women as the hook. Can’t tell if this one is a good movie or not because they don’t show any boobs on the movie poster. (Don’t look at me like that.) Guess I’ll just have to roll the dice on a movie ticket to find out if I’m wrong or not. (Note to movie studio – uncool to release the artwork and not a plot. You just ruined my entire day.)

Retro Insects

Posted in Classic Horror, Giant Monsters, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 18, 2015 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

It Came From The Desert

Not even filmed yet, It Came From the Desert, a giant ant movie based on the 1989 Atari™ video game, already has to movie one-sheets, a Facebook™ page and a logo. All this before cameras start rolling for a scheduled 2016 release. Somebody ate a big bowl of optimism for breakfast.

It Came From The Desert

No movie details yet, but if it follows the video game outline, a giant ant comes out of the desert and, like, attacks humans ’n stuff. (I never played with video games – I played with beer. And occasionally a girl who drank beer.)

It Came From The Desert

But if all of that except my personal details seem familiar to you, this was spectacularly done with 1954’s Them!, wherein giant ants come out of the desert and come looking for the sugar cube that is your head.

Them!

Stuff about Them! I copied off of Wikipedia (which I already knew BEFORE there was a factually-dodgy online encyclopedia) reveals the iconic sci-fi masterpiece was universally lauded: Them! was nominated for an Oscar for its special effects and won a Golden Reel Award for best sound editing. The film has been nominated for two American Film Institute lists, AFI’s 100 Years…100 Thrills and AFI’s 10 Top 10 (science fiction genre).

Them!

Of course, you’d know that yourself if you cared to read my February 2, 2013 blog about it. [Click HERE]. So until It Came From The Desert arrives in the future, watch Them! to see how a real giant ant movie can bug you – in a good way.

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