Archive for the Science Fiction Category

Japanese Girls vs. Tokyo Zombies

Posted in Asian Horror, Asian Sci-Fi, Foreign Horror, Science Fiction, TV Vixens, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 22, 2016 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Battle Girl: The Living Dead in Tokyo Bay

A meteor crashes into Tokyo Bay, the resulting stink steam fusing with unknown heavy metal compounds and Hello Kitty™ energy drinks and creates Cosmo-Amphetamine, a chemical agent that revives the dead.

Battle Girl: The Living Dead in Tokyo Bay

Since the meteor just killed a city’s worth of people (6.5 million to be exact), Capt. Fujuka is tasked with keeping people from coming into Tokyo and zombies from leaking out. Thanks to grade-school special effects, he fences off an entire city in a few hours flat. That’s why they made him a captain.

Battle Girl: The Living Dead in Tokyo Bay

But Fujuka is ill-intent, experimenting on survivors, using Cosmo-Amphetamine to create a squad of military zombies that squirt green liquid when split open. Someone needs to clean up this mess, but who? How about the easily-pronounced K-ko, the hot daughter of Colonel Kirihara, who is working on the problem from outside the quarantine zone?

Battle Girl: The Living Dead in Tokyo Bay

You’d think she’d have her hands full, what with 6.5 million zombies and Fujuka screwing around. But there’s hardly any living dead encounters, and the fight scenes are so bad as to be nothing more than dance moves with chin kicks. Not a lot of gory undead gunk, either. Oh sure, a few rotters are made into sandwich bread slices, but hardly anything that satisfies a deep hunger for black gut stuff.

Battle Girl: The Living Dead in Tokyo Bay

If you’re gonna title a movie Battle Girl: The Living Dead in Tokyo Bay (1991) then you should have way more violent gore and ninja moves than, say, a chick flick. This felt like a snack when it needed to be all-you-can-eat.

Sex In The Time Of Hyper Zombies

Posted in Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , on May 18, 2016 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

The Stink of Flesh

The Stink of Flesh (2005) is without question one of the more messed up (in a good way) zombie movies you’ll ever see.

The Stink of Flesh

Matool, a kick-boxing Mexican with a hammer, is inadvertently captured by an alternative lifestyle husband and wife team. Two sisters also live with them in a fortified house out in the desert: one just to the left of normal, the other growing out of her sister’s stomach.

The Stink of Flesh

Matool’s tool has been recruited to feed the wife’s insatiable need. The bent sister gets off by whacking Matool’s bare Mexican grupa with a section of Hot Wheels™ race track. The husband watches, and when he’s in the mood for romance, goes out to the garage where he keeps a naked, rock chick zombie chained up — and the scent of love and rotting flesh fills the air.

The Stink of Flesh

Military guys, out patrolling the countryside, are ambushed by “hyper zombies” and take refuge in the House of Non-Stop Porking. They’re enlisted to fulfill the deep desires of the wife who needs as much flesh as the undead. One of ’em is actually sexually motivated by the conjoined twin in the sister’s stomach and makes out with it. Super ick.

The Stink of Flesh

All the while an assembly line of the undead converge on the house. On the gore-o-meter, the splat of brains and overripe gunk is a 9 on a scale of 10. Bonus: the movie is filmed in broad daylight for optimum viewing pleasure. This one’s a keeper, much like the zombie chick in the garage.

Mechanics vs. Mexican Preserves

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Foreign Horror, Science Fiction, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 15, 2016 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

The Robot vs. the Aztec Mummy

The Robot vs. the Aztec Mummy (aka, La Momia Azteca Contra el Robot Humano/1958). Great title. Not so great movie. Once everyone discovered the gold breastplate on the Aztec mummy was real, then everybody, including the predictably evil Dr. Krupp (aka, “The Bat”) wants some ’o that booty.

The Robot vs. the Aztec Mummy

The professors who first violated the tomb got a wake-up call when the mummy woke up. They got away the first time, but came back with pretty much the same results, minus one professor. Turns out the mummy only gets p*ssed and starts walking like an Egyptian if someone tries stealing his stash.

The Robot vs. the Aztec MummyDr. Krupp’s plan is to build a human-faced giant robot (eight-feet tall, not counting the high heels) to grab the gold and pound the mummy into a pile of dusty gauze. That doesn’t quite go according to plan.

The Robot vs. the Aztec Mummy

At least there was some action in this otherwise mostly narrated and plodding tale of reincarnation (the professor’s easily hypnotized wife is the spitting image of the mummy’s ex), greed, and power gone awry. The robot was kinda neat, though.

Pilfering Horror & Sci-Fi

Posted in Aliens, Giant Monsters, Science Fiction, UFOs, Vampires, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 14, 2016 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Independents’ Day

Led Zeppelin is getting sued for $40 million for “stealing” the opening riff that was used to create “Stairway to Heaven.” Asylum Studios – who have been outright stealing movie ideas/plots and slightly modifying the titles – get rewarded with a 15% percent profit margin on blatantly plagiarized horror/sci-fi knock-offs. Led Zeppelin should hire Asylum’s attorneys.

Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter / Abraham Lincoln vs. Zombies

We’ve all seen Asylum’s robbery techniques: Abraham Lincoln vs. Zombies (ripping off Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter), Transmorphers (ripping off Transformers), The Day The Earth Stopped (ripping off The Day The World Stood Still), Battle of Los Angeles (ripping off Battle: Los Angeles), and so many more, you almost can’t keep track.

Transformers / Transmorphers

Asylum continues the business model with Independents’ Day, which is set for release (June 7, 2016) in front of (!) Independence Day: Resurgence (June 24, 2016), the sequel to the 1996 blockbuster, Independence Day. And because Asylum makes these movies on the cheap (usually around $250,000.00 – and uses the SyFy Channel™ as a primary garbage delivery system – there’s no way they can’t make money.

Battle: Los Angeles / Battle of Los Angeles

So how much bling are we talkin’? According to Forbes Business™, averaging around $150k per film. For a studio that doesn’t have to invest any money in the creative department and cranks out between 25 and 30 “movies” a year, that adds up. As Forbes™ reports, $12 million a year in greasy gained wallet stuffers.

The Day The Earth Stood Still / The Day The Earth Stopped

To be fair, not all of Asylum’s, movies are “mockumentaries.” But since the appetite for ultra low-grade cheese like Almighty Thor is insatiable, Asylum will continue to bold-face rip off intellectual properties and keeping climbing their own stairway to heaven – even though it was already built by somebody else.

Thor / Almight Thor

Mexican Frankenstein

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Foreign Horror, Science Fiction, TV Vixens, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 12, 2016 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Santo y Blue Demon contra el Doctor Frankenstein

Somebody is kidnapping pairs of young hot women and attempting to surgically swap their brains. Seems kinda redundant. Nevertheless, that variety of behavior is illegal.

Only one man could pull off such a medical maneuver: Dr. Frankenstein. Okay, not the real Dr. Frankenstein, but his grandson, Irwin. (You didn’t know Frankenstein had progeny? I’m visibly shocked.) Irwin is 113 years old, but due to his innovative experiments with blood beta blockers, he’s managed to turn back the clock and looks about 40-ish and has suspect hygiene.

Santo y Blue Demon contra el Doctor Frankenstein

He offers the same de-oldening serum to several other brain surgeons in return for their help in transplanting the brain of El Santo – Mexico’s greatest pro wrestler/superhero – into the body of Golem, a 7-foot tall black guy with 3% body fat and muscles that would give Popeye bicep envy.

Santo y Blue Demon contra el Doctor Frankenstein

In order to lure Santo into his web of medical deceit, Frankenstein has to kidnap Santo’s latest trim, the lovely Alicia. Time to spring into action with his trusted ally, the Blue Demon. These two guys kick so much ass, you’ll actually feel bruised from watching this punching jamboree. And the clothes they wear — Blue Demon sports a double-wide necktie so colorful, rainbows by comparison look like dog crap smeared in an arc across the sky. And Santo’s beige blazer and turtleneck ensemble never gets ruffled when taking on six bad guys at once. Splendid!

Santo y Blue Demon contra el Doctor Frankenstein

In a genius move, Irwin Frankenstein turns Golem into Mortis, an unspeaking wrestling giant with a lucha mask and puts him in the ring with Santo. The strategy being that if Santo gets killed during the match, it’s legal. But the Blue Demon has Santo’s back and corners Frankenstein’s crony into revealing the evil doctor’s plans. (He does this by applying a devastating Indian rug burn — flippin’ ouch!)

Santo y Blue Demon contra el Doctor Frankenstein

Once again the ring announcer calls the action, expertly pointing out that Mortis just hit Santo in the tracheae and that it’s a forbidden move. Good call as the referee, obscured by forearm smashes, was not witness to the harshness.

Santo y Blue Demon contra el Doctor Frankenstein

We know how this all ends. Matters not. Santo y Blue Demon contra el Doctor Frankenstein (1974) is a great action-packed pro wrestling/superhero/evil scientist story with girls in mini skirts, brain-transplanted zombies and Blue Demon’s electrifying sense of fashion.

Lust For Frankenstein

Posted in Classic Horror, Foreign Horror, Ghosts, Science Fiction, Scream Queens, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 11, 2016 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Lust For Frankenstein

In the straight-faced schlocky Lust For Frankenstein (1998), that “never-say-die” Frankenstein fellow sure is a wacky guy. This time he’s a ghost with greasy hair and blood running down his scientific face. He also talks really slow and likes German heavy metal.

Lust For Frankenstein

Seems Franky cannot relax as his creation — a rather large woman with bare boobies and (cover your eyes) a Vienna bratwurst dangling between her legs — needs to be resurrected in order to clear the family name.

Lust For Frankenstein

But heck, since he’s a ghost, he’s hardly up for the task. So he gets his daughter, an unattractive older woman no one loves, to tend his fleshy creation. The older unattractive woman (who no one loves) goes to a strip club to pick up a victim for her new pet. She must think its the Royal Fork™ because apparently they allow you to, uh, lick the dancers’ plates clean. (Note to self: go to that strip club next pay day.)

Lust For Frankenstein

The monster — named “Goddess”— walks around totally nude, except for gold disco platform shoes. She also rubs herself against trees and stuff because both her sexes “need love.” Great dialogue (“I am a puppet…a beautiful, nasty puppet…”), tons of nude nakedness, soft-R sex scenes, and the bug-eyed ghost of Frankenstein.

Sex With Robots

Posted in Asian Sci-Fi, Fantasy, Science Fiction, TV Vixens with tags , , , , , , on May 10, 2016 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Maid-Droid

Eight-year-old Ueno has a life-like, sexy cute robot maid whom he calls Maria. She cooks, cleans up after him, does his laundry… What she doesn’t do is the important stuff, like making out, feeling up, and ushering Ueno into manhood.

Maid-Droid

When he got older (about 77 to be exact), Ueno tries reprogramming her to fulfill his perv desires. Why he waited until he was pushing 80 to do this beyond me. The hitch in the plan is that Maria’s batteries are running dry. Because she’s an older model, they don’t make power cells for that droid series anymore. This sucks as Ueno is in love with her. (Why he didn’t stock up on batteries is beyond me.)

Maid-Droid

Elsewhere, another maid-droid customer is “trying out” the newer model, with adjustable boob size, enthusiastic response and, um, back door controls. The salesman stands by to point out all the new features while the potential customer is taking her for a test drive. Awkward.

Maid-Droid

Across town, a supermodel detective is investigating a series of rapes that may or not relate to the sex-bots. This part confused me as she owns a dog-droid, which was programmed to pleasure her. And they show this. Weird, and yet not cool.

Maid-Droid

How it ties in to Ueno and his beloved Maria is another thing that is beyond me. I blame sub-titles, as I can’t read that fast. Not without moving my lips, anyway. Maria is delightfully adorable and forever loyal to her owner. Ueno is old. Not sure if Maid-Droid (2008) was meant to be poignant or just an excuse to show boobies. Probably both.

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