Archive for the Science Fiction Category

Mammoth Mammaries

Posted in Aliens, Classic Horror, Science Fiction, TV Vixens, UFOs with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , on July 7, 2016 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Attack of the 50 Ft. Woman

Can’t blame rich socialite Nancy Archer for being so upset over her philandering husband’s ways, that she almost runs her speeding car into a recently landed UFO with a giant alien in it.

Attack of the 50 Ft. Woman

At first, no one believed Nancy’s story about the spacecraft. Harry – her husband whose been hanging out at the local bar with the sexilicious Honey Parker – used this to his strategic advantage, given that Nancy has a pronounced drinking problem, is prone to hysterical mood swings, has a jealous streak as wide as an airport runway, and was recently under the care of a mental health facility. In other words, a normal chick.

Attack of the 50 Ft. Woman

Harry figures if he can get Nancy’s ball of yarn to further unwind, he can have her re-committed, thereby putting him in charge of all that sweet dough, and then go get some Honey on his stinger.

Attack of the 50 Ft. Woman

Nancy’s encounter with the extra-extra-extra-large alien eventually causes the mentally distraught woman to grow to the size of two telephone poles stacked on each other. When Nancy super-sizes herself, all of her mental issues balloon proportionately.

Attack of the 50 Ft. Woman

While I can buy the science fact behind alien encounters whose space radiation makes normal Earth people exponentially expand, I call party foul on making the clothes grow. So the 50-foot tall Nancy, in a tight bikini top and mini-skirt, goes after her husband, yelling “Harry!” loud enough to shake the surrounding buildings.

Attack of the 50 Ft. Woman

Once Nancy locates Harry and Honey (at the bar, of course), she becomes the ultimate party crasher, and brings the roof down. In all, Attack of the 50 Ft. Woman (1958) is a simple but entertaining love story with a smidge of radioactivity, a giant extraterrestrial, a shameless hussy, and some all-purpose booze.

Space Cowboy

Posted in Science Fiction with tags , , , , , , , on July 2, 2016 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Outland

Io is the third moon of Saturn. I could’ve sworn it was the fourth. Io is the home of a mining colony whose employees are all drug addicts. As above, so below. Hooked on a super-amphetamine, it’s no problem to work overtime. And hey, if you feel like going for a space walk without your helmet, that’s your business. Clearly, the drug is harmful in that it makes you want to harm yourself.

Outland

Enter Sean Connery as a Federal District Marshall. But the leaders of the drug ring don’t want The Law messing with their profit margin, so they conspire to kill him using Union thugs. Yep, this is pretty much High Noon (1952) in space.

Outland

The first half of Outland (1981) is painfully slow, with Connery running around impressive industrial sets and arching his eyebrow. When the assassins come gunning for him, no one is wearing a cowboy helmet or space hat.

Even with drugs, the future is boring.

Space Wife

Posted in Science Fiction with tags , , , , , , , on June 24, 2016 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Solaris

In Solaris (2002), professionally handsome George Clooney plays a widowed psychologist sent to the space station orbiting Solaris (hey – same name as the movie title – neato!), a new planet with potential Starbuck’s™ applications. He has to find out why the crew gooned out and aren’t returning Earth’s tweets.

Solaris

When he arrives (just a mere shuttle flight once you pass the moon on the left hand side, what crew isn’t dead is gooned out. Seems they’ve been having visitors drop by. These visitors are a physical manifestation of someone in your life. For George, it’s his dead wife who he’s been in power-grieving mode for since she committed suicide after an argument she and George had. He carries guilt around like a grocery bag.

Solaris

When she suddenly appears, he goons out. Rationally, he knows it can’t be her, even though she still smells as fresh as a Nordstrom’s™ 1/2 off shoe sale. He tricks her into getting into an escape pod, and jettisons the illusion to the lunar curb. The next day she shows up again. What the hell? Is she, a space boomerang?

Solaris

Clearly, this is the work of drugs. Or Solaris. Probably drugs. There is a way to permanently kill off the visitors, but it involves a science weapon of some sort. This gal, though, wants to die because she knows she’s not real, and drinks liquid oxygen. (Shaken, not stirred, served up.) But soon she resurrects and it’s back to being boring.

Solaris

Another plan is devised to get out of Solaris’ gravitational pull in the escape module, but George stays to be with his artificial wife because he still hearts her. Then he ends up back on Earth and cuts himself while chopping up mouth-watering zucchini in his kitchen. That’s odd — his cut just healed instantaneously. That must mean… Yep, he’s officially dull, too.

Solaris

There’s just no other way to put this: Solaris is a really boring sci-fi movie with more talking than outer space-y stuff.

Aliens Taking A Crop

Posted in Aliens, Science Fiction, UFOs with tags , , , , , , , , , , on June 19, 2016 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Silent Warnings

In the time waster Silent Warnings (2003), a nutbag survivalist in Oregon gets himself blown up real good while chasing aliens invading his remote farm.

Silent Warnings

So his cousin, just now graduating from college, rounds up five friends (three of which are supermodels) to clean up the inherited property, sell it, then probably buy drugs with which to get high.

Silent Warnings

These city hippies discover crop circles all over the farm’s cornfields and notice that everything is starting to smell electrical. Then there are the nightly visitations, abductions, then ultimately a confrontation with the aliens who are using crop circles as a means of transportation. A sort of Old McDonald Stargate, if you happen to be partially standing in a spot where the circles suddenly appear, you’re vertically cut in half, as illustrated with the Cuisinart-ing of one post-grad student.

Silent Warnings

By the time the sheriff arrives, everybody’s screaming and shooting at the aliens, neither of which are doing any good. Somebody figures out that iron is the only thing that’ll kill the spacey farmjackers. Once again, metal saves the day.

Silent Warnings

The aliens are digitally transposed into scenes and look like 1980s cartoon figures. I offered to put on an alien suit to scare the smug outta those thugs, but the movie’s producer said aliens don’t have beer guts. How the hell does he know? He ever been to Mars? I have. In fact I’m going there as soon as I gas up the ’ol Stargate.

Zombie ReZort

Posted in Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , on June 15, 2016 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

The ReZort

The ReZort, which is also being advertised as Generation Z (both dumb) is YET ANOTHER zombie movie wherein people pay to hunt and shoot zombies in a controlled and monitored environment. We already know how this is gonna end.

Here’s the plot: “The Rezort sets its story in a world after an almost-apocalyptic zombie outbreak. Humans have won the war and are exploring how humanity can recover after such a huge percentage of the population has been wiped out.”

“Humankind finally has the upper hand, but Melanie, who lost her entire family, is still deeply traumatized. In a bid to overcome the demons of her past, she goes on a zombie safari retreat. It is the ultimate in therapeutic revenge.”

Man, the undead cannot get a break these days. But I do like the idea of a zombie safari retreat. Most of those comes with snack bars with you as the snack. Heh.

Westworld

Of course the system goes down and the zombies escape and go on the snack attack. A few horror movie blogs are comparing The ReZort to Jurassic Park. Perhaps. However, try the 1973 sci-fi classic Westworld, where you pay to go to an Old West “town” and have shoot outs with  robot cowboy criminals dressed in black. All is good until the system goes down and the robot cowboy criminals start firing back.

Robot cowboy criminals are highly entertaining. Zombies – massively overdone and over used – not so much anymore.

P.S. No official release date yet for The ReZort. This gives them time to come up with a less crappy ad poster.

Sketchy Godzilla

Posted in Asian Horror, Asian Sci-Fi, Classic Horror, Foreign Horror, Giant Monsters, Godzilla, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 14, 2016 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

The Art of Shin Godzilla

Wanna know what Godzilla is gonna look like when Godzilla: Resurgence opens this summer (2016 in case you’re reading this in 2017) in Japan? You can buy the book The Art of Shin Godzilla: Resurgence (releasing August 2016) through Hobby Link for $90+ pocket coupons.

The Art of Shin Godzilla

I know what you’re saying with a mouthful of something hopefully edible. If the book comes out the same time as the movie, why buy the book and just go see the cheaper movie instead? Because you’d have to go to Japan to see Godzilla: Resurgence as it won’t be released in your/my zip code until after summer. Going to Japan to see a movie is really expensive. (I’m looking in your direction, Cowby Bebop: The Movie/2001.)

Shin Godzilla

First announced by Skreeonk.com, an English kaiju website with awesome pics and G-news, The Art of Shin Godzilla: Resurgence shows us development concept drawings of the new Godzilla from Mahiro Maeda and proves that Shin Godzilla is way lots bigger than Godzilla/2014 (as I’ve repeatedly pointed out in previous bloggings).

Shin Godzilla

And in case you’re writing this down, Godzilla: Resurgence is co-directed by Hideaki Anno and Shinji Higuchi, the guys behind the scenes of the amazing Neon Genesis Evangelion and Attack on Titan animated TV series. In the States we call them “cartoons.”

Globally-Warmed Bugs

Posted in Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 13, 2016 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

The Thaw

Thank you global warming for wrecking our planet. And after all we’ve done for you. Because of you, that parasitic infested woolly mammoth has defrosted, and one million (give or take) previously frozen prehistoric flesh-eating bugs have hatched and gotten into human orifices. That’s gratitude for you.

The Thaw

Dr. David Kruipen, an “Earth-first” kind of scientist, discovered the room-temperature mammal meat and its germs and, after watching it infect it’s way through his staff out in the field, decided it probably isn’t a good idea to let said disease get back to civilization. Too bad his estranged college-aged daughter doesn’t listen to him and flies out with several grad students to study infestation up close and, for some, really personal.

The Thaw

Once the little buggers get under your skin, red bumps and open sores show up all over your face and stomach, you itch yourself at socially-inconvenient times, you throw up like it was your first quart of Jagermeister™, you sweat on everything, then you die a horribly painful death, thereby hatching even more bugs. (Note: said crawlers look like the Motorhead version of caterpillars.)

The Thaw

The helicopter pilot discovers he caught the bug and in an “oh, crap” scene, has two people dope him up with morphine (standard research equipment), put a tourniquet just above the goal line, and chop off his infected arm with a meat cleaver (also standard equipment). The two things he needed to happen didn’t quite work out, with the knife getting stuck halfway through the former arm and the discount amputation not getting all of the infection. Sucks to be him.

The Thaw

In order to make the world understand the threat, the good ’old doc infects himself and plans on being the only one evacuated. His reasoning being that, yeah, a few hundred thousand may die, but this is a valuable lesson for us all to stop making the atmosphere so toxic with our SUVs and party flatulence. But the doc’s daughter has a different ending in mind — and it’s just what the doctor didn’t order.

The Thaw (2009), though a decent “bug up your butt” movie, could use a little less moralizing and a bit more meat cleaver. And some Raid™.