Archive for the Science Fiction Category

Rappin’ Zombies

Posted in Classic Horror, Science Fiction, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 2, 2015 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Dead Heist

Four street hustlers with a degree in rap plan to rob a small-town bank so they can afford a lifestyle befitting their hip-hop dreams. Too bad they picked the one town that, on a full moon, is overrun with blood-eating zombies. Yo, that’s whack.

Dead Heist

The robbery goes further south when the zombies converge on the financial institute, looking to make a withdrawal of interest-bearing neck chunks and high-yield blood loss. Additionally, the dialogue between the gangstas is priceless, full of colorful street colloquialisms like “Step off, b*tch!”, “That’s the game, b*tch!” and “Your top is comin’ off, b*tch!” Not surprising, given that almost the entire cast is a rap star.

Dead Heist

The zombies have their freak on and run after you like you just called their mother a ’ho. They gurgle a lot and have foggy eyes, but this brand of the undead – a result of a botched military experiment to fashion synthetic blood – only dies when you shoot ’em in the heart. So if you’re a rapper with a gun (and why wouldn’t you be?), forget the rule about popping a cap in their brains, because it just wouldn’t be dope, yo.

Dead Heist

Dead Heist (2007) flashes bank amounts of blood, a little neck chewin’, and some fresh zombie rhymes. I’m down wid’ it.

Suffering Sasquatch

Posted in Bigfoot, Classic Horror, Evil, Giant Monsters, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on April 30, 2015 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

The Suffering

Two new ones to accentuate your hallowed couch time: The Suffering (release pending sometime 2015) and the intriguing Valley of the Sasquatch (2015), which has a valley of some sort and possibly a Sasquatch if the title is to be believed.

In The Suffering: “Henry Dawles is at a crossroads in life. A diminished bank account and a baby on the way with his estranged wife have his personal life in shambles. When Mr. Remiel, an elderly shut-in, offers Henry a lucrative sum to appraise his rural estate, he accepts without hesitation.”

What follows is a harrowing exploration of mind and madness. A journey through an estate as vast and beautiful as it is secretive and horrific. When Henry closes in on the land’s dark truth, Remiel’s eccentric behavior takes a menacing and unforgettable turn.”

Need some clarification here as “eccentric behavior” can encompass anything from scratching your butt and smelling your fingers to practicing the Dark Arts with instructions found on the Internet. I’m guessing Mr. Remiel does both.

Valley of the Sasquatch

Valley of the Sasquatch is a great title. So why are red flags going up? First, no one in the history of the world has been able to make a great Sasquatch/Bigfoot movie. (OK, Harry and the Hendersons/1987. Hey, guilty pleasure – stay out of my wheelhouse.) Secondly, of all the 1,017 Bigfoot movies I’ve seen, the best costume is the one in the Jack Link’s™ Beef Jerky (or “meat snacks”) commercials.

Jack Links

So here’s the rally in the valley: After losing their home following a devastating tragedy, a father and son are forced to move to an old family cabin. This trip into the forest will unearth not only buried feelings of guilt and betrayal, but also a tribe of Sasquatch that are determined to protect their land.”

Valley of the Sasquatch

Of course Sasquatch is territorial – every time a hunter, day hiker, camper, forest ranger leaves a trail of stink in the woods, you’re dissing and pissing in Bigfoot’s hood. Can’t blame him for wanting to eat your face like it was an overpriced meat snack. (They had to pay for the suit somehow.)

A World of Zombies

Posted in Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on April 23, 2015 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Zombieworld

Oh, boy – YET ANOTHER zombie movie! Yippee! With the June 8, 2015 release of Zombieworld we can watch the 17,000th undead movie released this year! Wow, just think – the undead eating the living! How can the same movie/theme released over and over and over get boring?

Hard to convey sarcasm with the printed word without using a frown-y face Emoji.

Zombieland

So, yeah – Zombieworld. If you feel a yawn coming on, go nuts. Or go watch the superior Zombieland (2009). But if you have to know what Zombieworld is about (and you probably already do), here’s the pitch:

“The end is here! The Zombie Apocalypse is upon us – and all you can do is kick back and watch how it happened, right here, right now in the place we call Zombieworld.”

“Satisfy your thirst for all things zombie as we take you back in time to the biblical rise of the living dead before running screaming from continent to continent as reports of zombie devastation arrive from Ireland, Canada, Australia, and all over the U.S.”

“Watch for the ‘Government Health Warnings’ on ‘How to Survive a Zombie Attack.’ They could be the only thing between you and a newfound hunger for human flesh. And above all else, enjoy yourself – you may not have much longer to live.”

Zombieworld

“With ultra-violence, gallons of gore, and heaps of bloody fun, Zombieworld – a ravenous collection of deadly tales – is like nothing you’ve seen before.”

“Like nothing you’ve seen before.” And that’s the problem, isn’t it? More like, “everything you’ve seen before – over and over and over.”

Where is that frown-y face Emoji when you need one?

P.S. Zombieworld is not to be confused with the 2014 Spanish movie, Zombie World. Seems filmmakers have run out of movie titles.

Zombie World

The World’s Breast Horror Movie

Posted in Misc. Horror, Science Fiction, Scream Queens, TV Vixens with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on April 19, 2015 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Killer Rack

A horror movie about killer boobs. There are days I get up and think, “What a wonderful world this is!”

Killer Rack – still in production as of right now (April, 2015) – is a heartfelt/boobfelt film that stars Debbie Rochon, one of my all-time favorite genre actresses. While Deb’s been featured in dozens of indie horror/sci-fi movies removing her bra for the sake of making the plots cohesive, this time she plays Dr. Cate Thulu, who does breast implants for those deflated by life.

Killer Rack

Betty Downer, one of Dr. Thulu’s patients, gets new market melons and life is good until she finds out they’re man-eaters, Lovecraft-esque monsters looking to end mankind one grope at a time.

Killer Rack

As her boobs are Lovecraft inspired mutations, Dr. Cate Thulu’s name makes way more sense. (Tell me you got the reference.)

Killer Rack

You can help Killer Rack see the light of day via their Indie Go Go fundraising page [click here ]. Don’t let the their efforts sag and the project go bust.

Heh.

 

The Farmer’s Zombie Daughter

Posted in Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on April 17, 2015 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Maggie

The Terminator himself – Arnold Schwarzenegger – in a cannibalistic zombie movie? The fudge you say. And yet, it’s fudgin’ true, I tell you.

Starring in Maggie (releasing May 8, 2015), a horror movie about a Midwestern farmer whose daughter slowly turns into the aforementioned flesh-eater, Arnold has to figure out how to TERMINATE (heh) the problem.

Maggie

Co-starring is Abigail Breslin as the zomb-teen. You may remember her as Mel Gibson’s five-year-old daughter in the crop circle movie, Signs (2002). Now she’s grown impressively into her shirt if you catch my driftings.

Joely Richardson also stars. She’s the hot red-head who was in Loch Ness in 1996. That had the Loch Ness Monster in it as well as Ted Danson. He’s kind of a monster.

Loch Ness Monster

So I’m wonderin’ how Arnold’s farm daughter came down with zombieitis? One might surmise being bitten by a cow getting revenge after all its brethren society has eaten. Or maybe she touched icky farm stuff, rubbed her eyes, and then came down with hay fever (heh). I’m hoping it’s the cow.

Man, I am all over the road today.

Anti-Religious Prison Shark

Posted in Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Scream Queens, TV Vixens with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on April 15, 2015 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Shark Exorcist

Only in your lifetime could this happen: Shark Exorcist – YET ANOTHER shark movie due out sometime in 2015.

Shark Exorcist

Mashing up The Exorcist (1973) with Jaws (1975), Shark Exorcist involves a demonic nun unleashes holy heck when she summons the Devil to possess a man-eating shark.

Let us prey.

But wait, order now and you can get Sharkansas Women’s Prison Massacre (pending 2015) for the same price! Here’s part of why you should care…

Sharkansas Women's Prison Massacre

“The beautiful inmates at a women’s prison in rural Arkansas concoct a daring plan to escape. It works perfectly. The guards are unable to stop them. But the ladies can’t prepare for a previously unknown menace: the Arkansas swamp shark. It hunts the escapees. It hunts the guards. It hunts every human being that it can reach. Nothing can stop it.”

Sharkansas Women's Prison Massacre

Here’s the other part of why you should care: Sharkansas Women’s Prison Massacre stars legendary adult film thespian, Traci Lords. I’m thinkin’ at the MILF-ripened age of 47 she doesn’t drop top for the good of all mankind. Maybe the Arkansas swamp shark bites it off. That’d be pretty cool, you know, from a unique plot twist standpoint.

Ahem.

Godzilla Hotel

Posted in Giant Monsters, Godzilla, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , on April 12, 2015 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Godzilla Hotel

Godzilla, the world’s most iconic monster who has dominated all other monsters and related merchandising for decades, is about to conquer another foe: the hotel industry.

Godzilla Hotel opens April 17th, 2015 in monstrous fashion in Shinjuku, Tokyo, with an 80-ton, built-to-scale, radiation-spewing G-Head atop the 31-story Shinjuku Toho building. (For hotel purists, the life-size head was based on his face from 1992’s Godzilla vs Mothra.)

Godzilla Hotel

From the press release that arrived with no free tickets to Japan OR complimentary five night stay with mini-bar privileges: “There are two viewing rooms, which overlook the massive head of the King of Monsters that erupts from the roof of the theater, while the third is a Godzilla Room boasting its own statue, movie posters and a gigantic claw over the beds. The hotel also offers Godzilla-themed memorabilia and treats.”

Godzilla Hotel

And the price to stay at what is now the best hotel in the world? $334 to $417 a night, depending on the date. The $125 view rooms are a less wallet destructive.

Godzilla Hotel

All this comes on the heels of Toho re-booting the Godzilla franchise for a 2016 release, no doubt re-energized by the American 2014 Godzilla movie blockbustering in $528.7 million worldwide. That would buy a lot of nights at Godzilla Hotel.

I wonder if the concierge is Rodan? That’d be so cool. Just don’t let him park your car; he’d probably eat it.

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