Archive for the Science Fiction Category

Jaws In Your Bathtub

Posted in Classic Horror, Giant Monsters, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 25, 2015 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Jaws

“You’re going to need a bigger toy box…”

A re-casting of the famous line in Jaws (1975) in which Roy Scheider’s character Chief Martin Brody is chumming the sea with fish guts and Jaws pops out and causes Brody to pollute his pants.

Coming soon is a new Jaws ReAction toy figures by Funko™. Their website says it’ll be released in July doesn’t line up with Amazon.com’s available date of September 30. No worries – Korea will probably bootleg this thing and have it for sale by the end of today.

A Gremlins (1984) set is being released at the same time as well. But I never liked those little trouble-making toilet brushes, so put me in the “not even close to being interested” column. Nope, I want me some Jaws.

Gremlins

The coolest part is the air tank accessory, which fits as nicely in Jaws’ mouth as action figure/shark hunter Quint. (For realism they should’ve added a beer can accessory to go along with Quint’s harpoon.) Then you have marine biologist and all-around wise-guy Matt Hooper. Oddly, he looks built to the scale of Quint and Brody. In the movie Hooper is a little dude, a veritable Scooby snack for Jaws.

Each uneaten figure is sold separately for $19.99 and Jaws for $24.99 (on Amazon), or buy ’em altogether for $49.88 + $4.99 shipping. Seems reasonable given how much fun time you’ll get in the tub with these guys. OK, that didn’t come out right. Really wish they would’ve made Quint’s boat, Orca. Now I’m gonna have to use a cereal bowl carrying his next three meals for Jaws to attack/kill/eat.

Zombie Ghost Bug

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Ghosts, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 22, 2015 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Virus of the Dead

A viral zombie, a demon ghost, a mouth bug. That’s what’s new on your horror movie horizon. Or, if you’re not into those kinds of things, nothing is on your horizon. Nothing at all. Welcome to boring.

Virus of the Dead (releasing in the UK on August 29, 2015) comes with a twist – the entire thing was shot on smartphones, webcams and video logs (or “vlogs”).  This is an anthology with each of the 18 segments only lasting five minutes each.  Good thing Virus of the Dead is about zombies or they’d have to call it V/H/S (2012).

Before I Wake

Up next is Before I Wake (2015) in which a couple who lost their young son to the clutches of death, go to a little boy pet shop (or “adoption agency”) and get a replacement. Slight problem with this model – his dreams and nightmares manifest physically as he sleeps. Pffft – in my youth they called that wetting the bed. Before I Wake looks to cash in on the onslaught of generic wetting-your-pants ghost movies currently scaring tweeners in mall cineplexes.

Bite

This one’s kind of icky. In Bite (2015), Casey, a bride-to-be at her bachelorette party getaway, gets a seemingly harmless bite from an unknown insect. Soon she starts exhibiting insect like traits. Between her physical transformation and her wedding anxiety, Casey succumbs to her new instincts and begins creating a hive that not only houses her translucent eggs, but feeds on the flesh of others.

Translucent eggs. I wonder how many breakfasts would be ruined by a serving of those, bug embryos or not. Still, cook anything in enough butter and it’ll taste good.

The Truth About UFOs

Posted in Science Fiction, UFOs with tags , , , , , on May 20, 2015 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Unidentified Flying Objects: The True Story of Flying Saucers

Unidentified Flying Objects: The True Story of Flying Saucers (1956) is a long-winded documentary turned into a movie about the burgeoning UFO phenomenon in the late ’40s/early ’50s. Do they show any flying saucers? Not until the very end of a b-o-r-i-n-g story loaded with endless tech talk of a few close encounters with military flying objects.

Unidentified Flying Objects: The True Story of Flying Saucers

And when they do get around to showing you some UFO action, the footage is just of glowing lights in the sky as opposed to the ground. In which case they wouldn’t be flying. Then we’d have to call ’em UGOs. That doesn’t work for me in the slightest.

I wish flying saucers were made out of shiny future metal instead of hall closet lighting.

Unidentified Flying Objects: The True Story of Flying Saucers

I Love The Dead

Posted in Foreign Horror, Science Fiction, Scream Queens, TV Vixens, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 17, 2015 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Burying The Ex

Two new horror comedies – one from the U.S. and the other from England – with almost identical plots: girlfriends coming back from the dead to mess with their still living boyfriends who now have new girlfriends. And to further screw with your mind, Life After Beth, a horror zombie comedy released in 2014, has the same plot outline as both these movies.

Burying The Ex

First up is Burying The Ex (2015), which follows Max, an “all-around nice guy, and his overbearing but incredibly beautiful girlfriend, Evelyn. Their relationship takes a nosedive when Evelyn turns out to be a controlling, manipulative nightmare. Max realizes it’s time to call it quits, but there’s just one problem: he’s too afraid to break up with her.”

“Fate steps in when Evelyn is involved in a freak accident and dies, leaving Max single and ready to mingle. Several weeks later, he has a chance encounter with Olivia, a cute and spirited girl who just might be his soul mate. But that same night, Evelyn returns from the grave as a dirt-smeared zombie and she’s determined to live happily ever after with Max…even if that means turning him into one of the undead.”

Um, are they sure that’s dirt she’s smeared with? Looks like something I saw monkeys at the zoo playing with. Good thing movie trailers aren’t filmed in smell-o-vision.

Nina Forever

Made in British Land, Nina Forever (2015) is an “outrageous horror-comedy in which a young man’s romance with his dream girl takes an unexpected turn when Nina, his dead ex-girlfriend, rises from the grave bloody and broken and shows up every time Rob and his new girlfriend make love.”

Nina Forever

This goons out Rob, but I think he’s not seeing some interesting mattress possibilities here.

Life After Beth

In Life After Beth (2014), another boyfriend sees his girlfriend die (from a snakebite) and later come back from the dead. Sure, she seems fine at first. But dead things, living or not, tend to get ripe, if you know what I mean. Think of a potato left out in the rain for, like, a really long time. Ick.

Life After Beth

Aliens and Werewolves

Posted in Bigfoot, Classic Horror, Evil, Science Fiction, UFOs, Werewolves with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 16, 2015 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Area 51

Some new horror offerings, in case your daily recommended allowance of horror has not been met by watching the evening news.

First up is Area 51, in production since 2009 and just now hitting VOD and is YET ANOTHER one of those flippin’ annoying hand-held camera jobs. In this Area 51 (not to be confused with 2011’s Area 51 Confidential), as a class project several conspiracy theorists break into the legendary military base out in the Nevada desert said to house a junk yard of broken down UFOs and even an alien body or two. Or six.

Here’s the official rundown: “In 2009, three friends travel to the infamous Area 51 in order to uncover its secrets. They infiltrate the base using freon filled body suits in order to mask their body temperature. Once inside, the group discovers incredible technologies before finding themselves running for their lives from an unknown force.”

The “unknown force” probably has more to do with farting inside their body suits and not being able to escape the ensuing terror. AVClub.com’s review, though, says it all about Area 51: “A few fun and creepy effects shots, nothing that happens here couldn’t be surmised from simply reading the film’s title. What we really get is a complete failure of imagination.” Ouch.

Uncaged

If probing for government secrets or being probed by aliens isn’t your cup of beer, then you might be up for Uncaged (2015), a new werewolf movie that mixes found footage with trad-style filming.

Plot: “After several nights of waking up in the woods, a troubled teen straps a camera to himself to document how he’s getting there, only to find some things are better left a mystery.”

So a teen wolf doing selfies. I’m intrigued, though a werewolf running around with a GoPro™ strapped to his fuzzy head seems highly improbable. With all that wolfing around, you’d think the camera would fall off.

“Something’s lookin’ for food – and it found us…” Great line in Dark Was The Night, arriving in theaters on July 24, 2015. An ancient curse, a small town out in the trees, and stat worthy body counts.

Dark Was The Night

Synopsis: “Maiden Woods is a remote and quiet town of decent, hard-working people, but something stirs in the dark woods surrounding this isolated community. After a logging company decimates an area of the forest, a rash of increasingly violent and unexplainable events transpires. Sheriff Paul Shields and his deputy struggle to confront their own personal demons while facing down a new breed of raw terror that is possibly older than humanity itself…and much hungrier.”

Is the monster a werewolf? Bigfoot? A hillbilly with abundant facial hair? Probably all three. Better be if they want my movie coupons.

The Return of Mega Shark

Posted in Giant Monsters, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 14, 2015 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Mega Shark vs. Kolossus

Once a proud king of the ocean, the shark has now been relegated to being a repeated movie joke punchline. Jaws’ heart, if it was still beating, would be breaking right about now.

The latest shark sci-fi pits Mega Shark, an aircraft carrier sized Megalodon, against a size-appropriate robot. In Mega Shark vs. Kolossus (releasing July 7, 2015), the two monsters rumble in what Asylum Films, Hollywood’s notorious bottomfeeders, hopes to be a ratings bonanza.

Mega Shark vs. Kolossus

Here’s how they hope will accomplish that: “In search of a new energy source, Russia accidentally reawakens the Kolossus – a giant robot doomsday device from the Cold War.”

“At the same time, a new Mega Shark appears, threatening global security. Now the world must figure out how to stop the deadly giants before they destroy everything on land AND sea.”

Mega Shark vs. Kolossus

A giant robot from Russia? I thought only Japan made giant robots.

This is not a new swimming hole for Mega Shark. You can see the “King Kong of the sea” in Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus (2009), Mega Shark vs. Crocosaurus (2010), and Mega Shark vs. Mecha Shark (2014). Knock yourself out.

Mega Sharks

Sky Sharks

Posted in Giant Monsters, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 13, 2015 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Sky Sharks

Fins up, Sharknado – you’ve just been served. Sky Sharks, featuring science enhanced Great White sharks flown by Nazi zombies, are owning you just as soon as they get enough crowd-funding to finish this obvious masterpiece in the making.

Sky Sharks

Just the trailer alone has more splattery gore than most horror movies these days. And hey, who doesn’t like airborne sharks? The Discovery Channel™ even does entire episodes dedicated to the bi-element predator.

Sky Sharks

The plot is as delicious as shark fin soup: “Deep in the ice of the Antarctic a team of geologists uncover a still-intact Nazi laboratory where dark experiments had occurred.”

Sky Sharks

“Unwittingly, the geologists unleash upon the world a top-secret experiment the Germans had been working on – modified sharks that are able to fly, whose riders are genetically mutated, undead super-humans. The only thing that can stop them and possibly save the world is a military task force called “Dead Flesh Four” – assembled from reanimated U.S. soldiers who fell in Vietnam.”

Sky Sharks

I don’t know whether to cry or weep with happiness. Sky Sharks (2016 pending) has GOT to be made. Click HERE to make my dreams come true.

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