Archive for the Science Fiction Category

Sunken Subs, Spaceships and Candy!

Posted in Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Scream Queens, Slashers with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 5, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

The Tribe

Is it just my imagination, or is the current state of politics/politicians not the greatest horror story going? Here’s some upcoming horror movies to make you feel good about politics…

THE TRIBE (February 10, 2017)
“Three young sisters live out their days after a pandemic has consumed most of the known world. One day a stranger suddenly shows up and their world changes in ways they never could have imagined.”

So a global pandemic isn’t something that changes your life forever, and yet a horny stranger with suspect hygiene does? Maybe he has candy. If that’s the case, I totally heart you, candy-bringing stranger!

The Chamber

THE CHAMBER (March 10, 2017)
“Set beneath the Yellow Sea, a pilot of a small submersible craft and a three-man Special Ops team become trapped underwater in a fight for survival. As the pilot and leader of the crew who must fight for their lives and against each other as the water rises and air supply runs out.”

Reminds me of the old joke — air is like sex; it’s no big deal until you’re not getting any. Guys, there’s plenty of air on top of the water. Just tape a bunch of milkshake straws together to access it. Special Ops always carry milkshake straws in case of emergencies, right? Problem solved.

Spaceship Terror

SPACESHIP TERROR (2017)
“Marooned on a deserted planet, and picked up by a old derelict spaceship, six unwitting travelers find themselves enslaved in a torture-filled blood lust that will take you on a white-knuckle ride into Hell.”

You don’t have to go to space to enjoy a white-knuckle ride into Hell. Ever been in a New York taxi?

Stirring

STIRRING (2018)
“Fans will recognize winks to Black Christmas, Silent Night, Deadly Night and To All A Goodnight, but will also appreciate its own unique style and take on the Christmas themed slasher.”

Dubious of the claim Stirring — that doesn’t get released until next year (?) — has it’s own unique style, especially after aligning itself to all those other Christmas horror movies, which are all the same thing. Christmas slashers are so ‘80s. Best leave the holiday slaughter to Krampus and/or Republicans.

Insane Asylums, Demonic Bigfoot, Jungle Gods

Posted in Bigfoot, Evil, Ghosts, Giant Monsters, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Witches, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 2, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

The Heretics

If someone on the beach started screaming and pointing towards the water and yelling there’s the Loch Ness Monster, would you look? If you were in Scotland you would. I won’t be falling for that one again.

Here’s some upcoming horror you won’t have to go to Scotland to see…

THE HERETICS (February 14, 2017 / European Film Market)
“A young girl is abducted by a man after he claims that a cult is hunting her. His goal is to protect her until sunrise but while restrained, the young girl falls deathly ill. While her friends and family search for her, the source of her illness becomes more and more apparent. She’s not sick…she’s changing.”

Based on that press release, this is the same plot as Midnight Special (2016). I don’t think she’s changing into a ball of light alien like that kid in MS. I wouldn’t be opposed to that, though. Wish I could do that; I’d save a fortune on light bulbs.

The Institute

THE INSTITUTE (March 3, 2017/Limited/VOD)
“Based on true events a 19th Century young woman who, due to grief following the untimely death of her parents, voluntarily checks herself into a mental institute. While there she is subjected to bizarre, pseudo-scientific experiments in personality modification, brainwashing and mind control.”

Those techniques, while pioneered in the 19th Century, have been refined and modernized for the 20th Century. Today we call experiments in personality modification, brainwashing and mind control “Happy Hour.”

Dig Two Graves

DIG TWO GRAVES (March 24, 2017/Theater/VOD)
“Set in the 1970s, the pic follows 13-year-old Jacqueline Mather who, after losing her brother in a mysterious drowning accident, soon is visited by three moonshiners who offer to bring her brother back to life but at a grim cost.”

I’m gonna have to side with the moonshiners here. If you can’t trust someone who makes illegal booze, what does that say about us as a civilized society?

Devil in the Dark

DEVIL IN THE DARK (2017)
“When estranged brothers Adam and Clint attempt to reconnect over a week-long hunting trip in remote British Columbia, they find the tables turned by a mysterious presence lurking in the forest.”

The mysterious presence in the Pacific Northwest woods can only be one of three things: Bigfoot, Bigfoot’s mother’s brother’s cousin or a Wendigo thingamajig. Or maybe it’s a Magic Bigfoot who dabbles in the Dark Arts. Yeah, I’m goin’ with that one.

Kong: Skull Island / Apocalypse Now

KONG: SKULL ISLAND (March 10, 2017)
The latest Kong: Skull Island ad poster is a nice homage to 1979’s Apocalypse Now. Got me thinking — what other similarities are there? In Apocalypse Now a military colonel goes rogue, kills a bunch of people and builds a kingdom for himself deep in the Viet Nam jungles.

In Kong: Skull Island, a giant rogue gorilla kills a bunch of people and builds himself a kingdom deep in the jungles of Skull Island.

My bad — totally different.

Apes, Zombies, Ghosts & Teenagers

Posted in Evil, Ghosts, Science Fiction, Slashers, UFOs, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 1, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Don't Hang Up

Been watching a whole slew of UFO documentaries on Amazon Prime™. Sure, there are tons of ‘em on YouTube™, but at least the ones on Amazon are in focus. As for the subject matter, pretty sure UFOs are real — even the blurry ones.

Here’s some upcoming horror movies that’ll leave you blurry…

DON’T HANG UP (February 10, 2017/VOD/Limited)
“While not in school, Brady and his best friend Sam spend their time making prank calls that they upload online to receive millions of views. As their online celebrity begins to rise, the boys escalate their pranks to a dangerous level. One evening, Brady and Sam receive a prank call of their own, igniting a nightmare for the pair of teenagers when the mysterious caller turns their own game against them with deadly consequences.”

I think you have to be a teenager to be into this movie. I’m not a teenager. I am into prank calls, though. But I’m not into this movie. Why? For one thing, there are teenagers in it…

Ghosts of Darkness

GHOSTS OF DARKNESS (March 7, 2017)
“Locked for three nights in a house with a dark and unsettling past, two paranormal investigators must put their differences to one side and work together. They soon discover the myths and stories are nothing compared to what actually resides within the eerie walls of Richwood Manor.”

Is this not the fate of all paranormal investigators, to finally find what they’re looking for, only to be destroyed by it? Sounds like me looking for a cocktail lounge.

Dead Shack

DEAD SHACK (2017)
“On a weekend getaway at a rundown cabin in the woods, Jason, a cautious teen, his crude best friend Colin and his fearless older sister Summer are forced to work together, grow up and save their hard partying parents from their predatory neighbor intent on feeding them all to her undead family.”

Hard partying parents — I wish for them to adopt me. As for the predatory neighbor, with flesh-eating family members, they should meet my neighbors. You know, the ones with the endlessly yapping dogs and the constant tromping up and down the stairs and the doorbell always going off because some dumb ass lost their keys YET AGAIN. Heck, I’d welcome undead neighbors at this point. Who cares if they chew with their mouths open? At least they’d be quiet.

Planet of the Apes: Tales From The Forbidden Zone

PLANET OF THE APES: TALES FROM THE FORBIDDEN ZONE (Available now)
Planet of the Apes: Tales from the Forbidden Zone is a fully authorized collection of 16 stories based in and around the original Apes universe, filled with the kind of violence, wit and intellect that coursed through those first five films.”

“Authors included in the book are Dan Abnett, Kevin J. Anderson, Jim Beard, Nancy Collins, Greg Cox, Andrew E.C. Gaska, Robert Greenberger, Rich Handley, Greg Keyes, Sam Knight, Paul Kupperberg, Jonathan Maberry, Bob Mayer, John Jackson Miller, Ty Templeton, Will Murray and Dayton Ward. Each tale explores a different drama within the post-apocalyptic world, treating readers to unique visions and non-stop action.”

A book, not a movie. But for us hardcore Planet of the Apes fans, this is a cool addition to the Ape legacy while we wait impatiently for the next movie. Just wish I knew how to read. Wonder if it comes in audio book form with cool sound effects and humans screaming?

Not My Earth

Posted in Aliens, Classic Horror, Science Fiction, Scream Queens, TV Vixens with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 28, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Not of This Earth

Even though he’s not from this Earth (or any other Earths for that matter, “Mr. Johnson” is a creepy old man with dark glasses who needs constant blood transfusions. Kinda like looking into a mirror. If he doesn’t get said body beverage, his juice will turn into dust and he’ll become not unlike powered Kool-Aid™.

Not of This Earth

So what the flippin’ flap? Why can’t Mr. Johnson get his own dang blood from his own dang planet? For starters, his home world of Davanna (that sounds so made up) has been flash mobbed by nuclear war. Looks like Republicans exist on other worlds as well. Old Man Johnson is here to test our blood to see if it’ll help keep his fellow Johnsons from going double extinct.

Not of This Earth

Johnson uses telekinesis and eyeless eyeballs to command people to do his bidding, like his doctor, for instance. He even manages to talk Nadine, the doc’s sassy/hot nurse, into moving in to his multi-roomed house to give him nightly blood transfusions. He has a young male assistant/driver to round up park bums with the promise of alcohol for experimental purposes and different “phases” of his program. Free booze or not, you don’t want to be one of his experiments — they end up in the basement furnace. Party foul — that’s where recyclables go.

Not of This Earth

With human firewood missing all over town, the cops are closing in. Johnson unleashes a flying umbrella brain sucking creature that lands on your head and sucks out your brains. That’s kinda cool, but does it hold up in the rain?

Not of This Earth

Seconds before Johnson can remote-control Nadine into an experiment, the cops close in and turn on the sirens to make the car chase scene more official. Before they can shoot him in the umbrella, it’s the blaring alarm that causes Johnson to crash AND burn. (It was earlier revealed he’s highly sensitive to loud sounds. Guess that’s why aliens aren’t into metal. Pity.)

Not of This Earth

Final note: Not of This Earth (1957) is in black and white, so all those bottles of “blood” in Johnson’s fridge might very well be powdered Kool-Aid™.

Smart Aliens, Evilness & World Destroying Cats

Posted in Aliens, Evil, Ghosts, Science Fiction, Slashers, Werewolves with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 25, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Life

Looking at the overflowing toilet of impending horror/sci-fi movies, I’m visibly shocked and probably shaken to the core that there are no movies about robot werewolves. Hollywood — where are you? I’ve written 13 scripts, all ready to go. Admittedly, they’re all the same. But hey, if it’s not broken, why fix it?

Here are a few upcoming horror/sci-fi flicks that don’t have robot werewolves in ‘em…

LIFE (May 26, 2017)
“A six-member crew of the International Space Station is on the cutting edge of one of the most important discoveries in human history: the first evidence of extraterrestrial life on Mars. As the crew begins to conduct research, their methods end up having unintended consequences and the life form proves more intelligent than anyone ever expected.”

Of course extraterrestrials are more intelligent than we are; they don’t live here. A big-budget sci-fi movie featuring movie stars who have more money in their bank accounts than us non-Hollywood types. They should pay us to go to the movies.

From a House on Willow Street

FROM A HOUSE ON WILLOW STREET (2017/VOD/Limited)
“Roguish kidnappers abduct the daughter of a wealthy diamond distributor. When they have her locked up in their hideout, they realize she’s been possessed by a sinister demon.”

Rougish kidnappers. They sound mean. I hope the sinister demon gives them a smack lesson in civic manners and such.

Moggy Creatures

MOGGY CREATURES (in-production/2017)
“A couple takes in a stray cat, hoping to rebuild their marriage, only to have it spawn a litter of evil monsters.”

If you need a cat to rebuild your marriage, your relationship is already in the dumper. As for a litter of evil monsters, they’re cats; what did you expect? Cats have been planning the end of the world long before we started buying ‘em Fancy Feast™, sparkle collars and giving them names like “Shakespurr” and “Sir Pickles Pennybottom.”

Nightworld

NIGHTWORLD (2017)
“When former LAPD officer Brett Anderson takes a job as head of security at an old apartment building in Bulgaria’s capital, he soon begins to experience a series of bizarre and terrifying events. Once he begins to delve deep into the building’s sinister history, and investigate its shadowy owners and past employees, Brett soon uncovers a malevolent force nestled deep in the bowels of the building in basement that will do anything to be set free into our world.”

Sound familiar? Of course it does. This was the same plot for Mirrors (2008), except in that one it was an evil department store. But hey, “apartment” rhymes with “department,” so guilty as charged.

Cut Shoot Kill

CUT SHOOT KILL (2017)
Serena Brooks, an ambitious young actress, signs on as the star of a horror film with a crew of backwoods filmmakers that have worked together for years. When the cast starts disappearing, Serena has to become her character if she wants to survive.”

YET ANOTHER case of plot-lifting. This was the outline of Cut, released back in 2000. That one starred Molly Ringwald, who was in the delightful, yet critically savaged Jem and the Holograms (2015). The media can be so cruel.

Demon Clowns, Amphibious Monsters, Hippie Bongs

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Ghosts, Misc. Horror, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Sharks with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 23, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Evil Bong: 666

Looking into Lotto™ strategies to become financially self-sustained so I can watch horror/sci-fi movies as my “day job” without ever having to put pants on to make a living. Any tips, lucky numbers or insider info would be much appreciated.

Here’s four upcoming new ones headed my/your way. Pants not required.

EVIL BONG: 666 (April 20, 2017)
“When a brutal blood sacrifice opens a portal to Hell, Eebee and The Gingerdead Man are returned to Earth. But his trip to Hell has driven Gingerdead even more insane, and unless someone can stop his murderous cookie-cuttin’ rampage he’s gonna ruin Eebee’s plans for world domination. In a last-minute fit of inspiration Eebee channels her inner Dr. Frankenstein and creates The Gingerweed Man! A tiny, cobbled together monster made from the greatest strains of weed on earth, this little killer is ready to get high with a little help from his friends!”

Not a fan of stoner horror because the only way to enjoy it is to be stoned. I prefer a nice carafe of Budweiser™ or a snifter of paint thinner hooch to augment my horror movie experiences. P.S. Don’t do drugs.

Clowntergeist

CLOWNTERGEIST (2017)
“Emma, a college student with a crippling fear of clowns, must come face to face with her worst fear when an evil spirit in the body of a clown is summoned, terrorizing the town she calls home. One by one Emma and her friends receive a balloon with the exact time and date of when it will appear to kill them written on it. After receiving her balloon, Emma realizes that she has two days left to live, and must fight against the clock to find a way to survive.”

Makes sense that a demon-possessed clown would use balloons to get his point across. Personally, I’d go with one of those cool, honking squeezy horns. That tends to get people’s attention, especially in restrooms. And they just sound so funny.

Cold Skin

COLD SKIN (2017)
“On the edge of the Antarctic Circle a ship approaches a desolate island far from all shipping lanes. On board is a young man, on his way to assume the post of weather observer, to live in solitude at the end of the earth. But on shore he finds no trace of the man whom he has been sent to replace, just a deranged castaway who has witnessed a horror he refuses to name. The young man will soon realize that with each night comes an army of humanoid killer amphibians.”

This one sounds cool. But it does beg the question of why humanoid killer amphibians would seek out a meager food source at the ends of the Earth when we have so many all-you-can-eat beach buffets around here. Just ask any shark — surfers are basically crunchy seals.

Demon Hole

DEMON HOLE (2017)
“A fracking crew drills on sacred Native American land unleashing an ancient demon. Six teens have to serve community service in the remote forest where the demon is lurking. They find themselves trapped in a realm of illusions with plenty of marijuana, an abandoned cabin, dark caves, endless woods, and temptation. There are only two ways out of these woods — succumb to the demon or die.”

Note to ancient demon: Please don’t let those fracking teens out of the woods. And if you need more, we’ll ship ‘em to you, no charge. Just like having an Amazon Prime™ account.

Kaijus, Bigfoot and Future Cephalopods

Posted in Asian Sci-Fi, Bigfoot, Foreign Horror, Giant Monsters, Godzilla, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Slashers with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 20, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

 

Colossal

The butt-numbing cold and saturating winter rain of 2017 in Seattle has been conducive to staying indoors and watching horror movies. You could couch out to other types of movies, but horror/sci-fi seems to vibe with the doom and gloom outside. While there are no sharknadoes or lavalantulas shooting out of our local volcanoes (we have several), just the thought of going outside and getting my hair messed up by the wind and/or rain goons me out. Call me indoor face. I’ll come out of my burrow when the sun arrives, which is usually around July.

Here’s some upcoming bad weather movies to watch indoors…

Colossal

COLOSSAL (April, 2017)
“A woman moves back home after losing her job and being dumped by her boyfriend. Her life takes a sudden turn when a giant kaiju-like creature appears in South Korea and she begins to suspect she may be connected to it.”

The trailer makes this one look like a comedy. Giant monsters are not funny, dang it. Unless its the Giant Claw, who looks like a puppet made by someone on drugs. The hook for Colossal is that whatever the main chick (Anne Hathaway) does, the monster mimics it. Let’s hope she doesn’t start doing kegels.

Attack of the Cyber Ocotpuses

ATTACK OF THE CYBER OCTOPUSES (Kickstarter/in-progress)
Neo-Berlin, 2079. A dark, rain-soaked city held by mega corporations where the only enjoyment in life is connecting to cyberspace and taking ‘Binary Trip,’ a cyber drug that fries your neurons but promises a feeling better than a hundred orgasms at once. In this setting, a team of crack cyberspace detectives are investigating a new menace: an army of cyber octopuses that are terrorizing the city.”

This one’s trying to crowd-fund its way into your hearts and homes as of this posting. Checking under the couch cushions for spare bitcoins. I’d donate real money, but I live in Seattle, which is built around the super wet Elliott Bay, which is teeming with our own octopuses. They’re quite friendly. Just be careful when petting them; They might act all buddy-buddy and squishy, but while they’re hugging you, one of their spare arms always goes for the wallet.

Laundry Man

LAUNDRY MAN (Available now/Amazon Prime/VOD)
Laundry Man is the story about a clumsy serial killer. It is partly based on the crimes committed by American serial killer Jeffrey Dahmer and those committed by the Belgian-Hungarian pastor, Andras Pandy.”

Watched the trailer — more splatter on the platter. The main chick appears to not be wearing a bra. As such, you’ll need permission from your parent(s) or legal guardian(s) to watch this. Wonder where they got the idea for their ad art? Seems vaguely familiar…

Carrie

Primal Rage: The Legend of Oh-Mah

PRIMAL RAGE: THE LEGEND OF OH-MAH (post-production/2017)
“A newly reunited young couple’s drive through the Pacific Northwest turns into a nightmare as they are forced to face nature, unsavory locals, and a monstrous creature known to the Native Americans as Oh-Mah.”

I live in the Pacific Northwest. How dare you call we locals unsavory? We’re loaded with savor. As for the monstrous creature Oh-Mah, never heard of him/her/it. Bigfoot/Sasquatch/Wood Ape/Harry Henderson, of course. But this other pretender to the throne should do what we tell tourists to do — buy our locally made goods and then get the truck outta here. A little rough? Nope. For us it’s quite savory.