Archive for the Science Fiction Category

Hunting Vegetables By Night

Posted in Aliens, Classic Horror, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Scream Queens, UFOs, Werewolves with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 20, 2015 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

The Growling

You may not know the name, but you know his work. Australian filmmaker Philippe Mora is the guy behind such toilet gems as Howling II: Your Sister Is a Werewolf (1985) and Howling III: The Marsupials (1987) as well as The Beast Within (alien date rape, 1982) and Communion (alien butt probe, 1989). Returning to werewolf territory, Mora wants you to guide him back to box office glory with your overly-taxed fun coupons.

The Beast Within / Communion

Seeking $200,000 to crowd-fund The Growling, Mora promises only this for your investment: Werewolves in LA and New York are trained to be vegans to throw off investigators. Hybrid lycanthropes cannot control their own cursing and obscene language, particularly in Los Angeles. If someone starts speaking obscenities, stand back immediately…”

As of this writing only three people have donated for a total of $140.00. They have 18 days left to raise $1,999,860. (Update 6/25/15: Was just informed the fundraising campaign is open-ended, so get to clickin’.)

Maybe it has something to do with werewolves being cast as vegans or being foul-mouthed. (OK, that’s not quite new; check out Big Bad Wolf (2006) for some colorful four-letter werewolf speak.) Or maybe the concept lacks, I don’t know, something not what it’s being presented as. (Vegan werewolves? What do they do – attack rutabagas by the light of the silvery moon?)

Die, Vegetable, Die!

Help fund vegetables and werewolves by clicking HERE.

Aliens Should Be Free

Posted in Aliens, Science Fiction, Scream Queens, TV Vixens with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 14, 2015 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Aliens vs Titanic

Given how much of my life I’ve devoted to watching horror and sci-fi, you’d think something exquisitely cheesy like Aliens vs. Titanic would automatically move to the top of my viewing list. And I still haven’t seen it. And here’s the shocking reason why: I don’t have cable TV. Yep, most of my movie thrills come from YouTube™, where you don’t have to pay Comcast™ up the whazoo for overpriced and craptacular (ok, I get the irony here) programming.

That said, I first stumbled across Aliens vs. Titanic via a trailer on YouTube™ back in 2012. Made by TomCat Films™ (trying boldly to usurp the craptacular Asylum Films™), I figured it was only a matter of time before someone uploaded it, thereby saving me an embarrassment of riches.

Then time went by and I went on. Then AvT showed up again in 2014 with another trailer. And still no booted copy online. Then IMDB goes and lists AvT as being released in 2015. Still can’t find it anywhere for free. To say this makes my tummy upset is an understatement. Besides boasting a really funny kicker line: “The Unsinkable Meets The Unthinkable,” the movie has a tantalizing plot:

Aliens vs Titanic

“Offering only the finest amenities, the ‘TITAN 1C’ space-cruiser is considered the most luxurious star-liner ever built. Future spring-breakers on board are excited to be touring through space with some of the world’s elite.”

“A sudden meteor storm smashes into the hull, and a deadly biological alien life-form is let loose on the ship. Seeking a suitable host, the retrovirus successfully merges with some the passengers, transforming them into seemingly invincible predators with the ‘touch of death.’ As the ship is destroyed, the surviving passengers crash on a remote planet, and they learn that one of them is infected. They must quickly band together before it has a chance to slaughter them all.”

It’s a crime against my humanity to not be able to see this without paying for it. However, I shan’t give up the fight. So in your face, Comcast™, you monthly price-increasing b-holes.

P.S. I just saw mention online of Jaws vs. Titanic. May the gods shine down upon my head.

Holy Shirt – It’s Whalewolf!

Posted in Giant Monsters, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Werewolves with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 13, 2015 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Whalewolf

Hate to resort to filthy gutter talk to vent my frustrations, but gosh ding dong dang it – every time I come up with a new horror/sci-fi movie monster, somebody else has beaten me to the punchline.

Such is the case with the upcoming Sharktopus vs. Whalewolf, airing on the SyFy Channel™ on July 19, 2015. I thought up Whalewolf – a cross between a whale and a werewolf – several years ago. Even then I was too late as the The Field Guide to Doomsday blog created their own Whalewolf as a creature of the Apocalypse back in 2011. Son of a beehive.

Whalewolf

I shouldn’t get my panties in a pinch; Sharktopus (2010) was coined by Futurama in 1999, long before the ratings winner turned up in a feature “film.”

Sharktopus vs. Whalewolf

So here’s how Sharktopus vs. Whalewolf goes down: “When a mad scientist mixes the genes of a killer whale and a wolf, it creates the Whalewolf, and it’s up to Sharktopus to stop it.”

Adventure Time

I recently came up with Snoa Constrictor and even designed a fake movie poster for it, only to find out Adventure Time got there first. Flippin’ flap. I better brew up some Chamomile tea so I don’t get further stressed out.

Ghost Shark: Bites From Beyond

Posted in Ghosts, Giant Monsters, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Scream Queens, TV Vixens with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 12, 2015 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Ghost Shark

2013’s Ghost Shark is memorable for a number of reasons, sub-budget special effects/dialogue/acting notwithstanding. But first you have to ignore the plot, which gives Ghost Shark its rai·son d’ê·tre.

After being fed a hand grenade thrown from a fishing boat by redneck a-holes, Ghost Shark’s corpse floats into a half-submerged cave where early settlers performed satanic rituals. (Okay, what?) It is here Dead Shark is converted into a glowing, transparent kill-beast able to trans-morph out of any body of water, be it a fire hydrant, bath tub, swimming pool, mud puddle and even a bottled water drinking fountain. And this is exactly what makes Ghost Shark’s 84 minutes of dumbassery entertaining.

Ghost Shark

GS crashes a pool party and devours teenagers. GS opens wide and swallows little kids on a Slip ’n Slide™, an unsuspecting youngster shooting down the shark’s throat as if a human oyster on the half shell. A mayor’s assistant pouring himself a cool and refreshing paper cup of thirst quenching death after GS leaves the bottled water container and is delivered to the assistant’s insides, where it splits the guy in half during the chewing out. (This scene alone is worth an Academy Award.)

Ghost Shark

Time wasters until Ghost Shark straps on the feedbag: a drunk lighthouse keeper, savaged by guilt for killing his wife in said satanic cave years ago who seeks revenge on GS. Not sure how that works. The smack-talking mayor going on a Jaws-driven balance-of-justice boat ride. (His crunchy death – being sucked down a watery toilet – as a true feel-good moment.) Tthen there’s the never-ending parade of young girls in bikinis and a really, really fat guy riding a jet ski that looked like it might get permanently lodged into FG’s ass crack on the next wave.

Ghost Shark

Back to the bikinis: Most horror films feature young gals in their 20s, probably still in community college or of X-rated movie age. Not so with Ghost Shark; The girls running around in kite string swimsuits are barely (heh) in high school. I felt somewhat dirty watching Ghost Shark make fish bait out of jail bait. I would’ve showered my shame away afterward, but hey – Ghost Shark possibly coming through the nozzle.

Ghost Shark 2: Urban Jaws

P.S. Ghost Shark 2: Urban Jaws (pending 2015) is not a sequel or related to Ghost Shark. It’s an indie movie (i.e., made with two New Zealand guys and a Best Buy™ video camera) that was supposed to have come out in 2010. Time to put down the Foster’s mates, and show us some of your Down Under horror. Okay, that didn’t come out right.

An Avalanche of Snow Sharks

Posted in Giant Monsters, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Scream Queens with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 10, 2015 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Avalanche Sharks

Killer sharks that swim through snow as though the snow was water? (OK, I get the irony that snow is already water, just more solid-y.) Two things come to mind: Avalanche Sharks is a blatant attempt to cash-in on the highly successful Sharknado franchise. Second, this premise was already done with 2011’s Snow Shark: Ancient Snow Beast.

Snow Shark: Ancient Snow Beast

Look for Avalanche Sharks (releasing June 30, 2015) on Amazon, Google Play, iTunes, Vimeo, and VUDU as well as On Demand with AT&T and DirecTV. And to entice you to watch it, here’s the low down on the snow down…

“Bikini Snow Day is the busiest day of the year at Mammoth Mountain and the resort is packed with wild co-eds looking for a good time. When an unexpected avalanche rumbles down the mountain, it awakens ancient spirits in the form of massive sharks with a taste for human flesh. As the body count begins to pile up, the local sheriff must form an unlikely alliance with a motley crew of locals and tourists in order to kill off the terrifying creatures before it’s too late.”

Avalanche Sharks

Brain dead/dumbass plot notwithstanding, some clarification is required. First, Avalanche Sharks was originally titled Snow Sharks and might’ve been released on DVD in 2013. (I saw it on the Internet with a bar code and everything, I swear. That, and Snow Shark: Ancient Snow Beast beat ‘em to the punch by two years).

Ice Jaws

Secondly, Ice Jaws, the Japanese admat take on Avalanche Sharks is way more awesome. The art for all other snow shark movies gives me sno-cone headache.

Blood and Ass Blasters

Posted in Classic Horror, Giant Monsters, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 9, 2015 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Blood Story

Hard to tear myself away from binge watching The Walking Dead (all five seasons back-to-back for the sixth time) in order to seek out new horror/sci-fi with which to explore, share and make fun of. Alas, a fortunate break in the form of a rather long bathroom intermission afforded me enough time to bring two possible gems to light.

First up is Blood Story (2015), just now out on DVD/VOD, and “centers on the discovery of the legendary Fountain of Youth and the awaking of a centuries old demon that unleashes upon the guests of a nearby villa, subjecting them to unspeakable acts of depravity, perversion and murder.” There is nothing about “unspeakable acts of…” that doesn’t find an application in my own life.

Tremors 5: Bloodlines

As a fan of the Tremors (1990) franchise, I look forward to Tremors 5: Bloodlines (releasing October, 2015), starring original actor Michael Gross returning as the excitable Graboid hunter, Burt Gummer. (Graboids, as you know are Dune-esque sand slugs that can sense people walking on the soft desert dirt, occasionally burrowing up for human candy bar treats.)

Tremors 5: Bloodlines goes like this: “Weapons enthusiast and expert subterranean creature hunter Burt Gummer sides up with Travis as his new tech-savvy right hand man. The pair are joined by an international cast as they mount a battle against the deadly creatures that turn out to be far more than they bargained for.”

Ass Blasters

I hope they give the varying creatures cool names like they did  in the earlier films (Tremors (1990), Tremors 2 – Aftershocks (1996), Tremors 3 – Back to Perfection (2001), Tremors 4 – The Legend Begins (2004) and Tremors Attack Pack (box set, 2005). They were originally called Graboids, but my favorite is Ass Blasters – flying Graboids that use an obvious form of propulsion to take and maintain flight.

Not obvious? Binge watch all the Tremors movies and shoot for a bathroom intermission for enlightenment.

3-Headed Shark Attack

Posted in Giant Monsters, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Scream Queens, TV Vixens with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 5, 2015 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

3-Headed Shark Attack

In the beginning here was Jaws (1975), a shark with but one head to bite you in half.

Then came 2-Headed Shark Attack in 2012. It was fake-y looking and appeared to be more of a stuffed animal than a twice-fold apex predator. It bit vacationing college students in half.

2-Headed Shark Attack

Now comes 3-Headed Shark Attack (July 11, 2015) with three times the appetite, looking to bite a bigger share of the ratings. The plot is your basic “line ’em up and chomp ”em down” scenario: “The world’s greatest killing machine is three times as deadly when a mutated shark threatens a cruise ship. As the shark eats its way from one end of the ship to the next, the passengers fight the deadly predator using anything they can find.”

3-Headed Shark Attack

Ugh. I could be in a shark’s belly for a week, crapped out onto a polluted beach, my gushy remains pecked at by seagulls, and still come up with a better plot than that. But hey, if a three-headed shark, which admittedly looks kinda cool, isn’t enough to sink yer boat, the “movie” also stars genre king Danny Trejo and pro-wrestling legend Mr. Monday Night – Rob Van Dam.

3-Headed Shark Attack

Wonder how 3-Headed Shark Attack would stand up against Japan’s Double-Headed Jaws (2012)? (Note: I think Double-Headed Jaws is the Japanese release of 2-Headed Shark Attack. Crappy movie, but way better title.)

Double-Headed Jaws

Even though a shark with any amount of heads could bite me in half, I’m really starting to feel sorry for what pop culture/Hollywood/you are doing to them.

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