Dirty Laundry Monster

In the small, unwashed Texas town of Sublime, a horrible secret exists. Hunters are being viciously attacked by a mythical Wild Man of Navidad, their guts strewn about like Texas litter.

Locals with intact guts form a hunting party, or “Texas Prom Dance.” They chase down W. Man Nav, shoot him in harmful areas, hang the bullet-ridden corpse up in the middle of town like a Texan piñata. Even in broad daylight no one can figure out what he/it is. But he/it has big tusks. Maybe it’s a land walrus. I’m fresh outta ideas here.

In summation, The Wild Man of Navidad’s (2008) starring creature grunts like a razorback, damages stuff, runs through the bushes, eats skinned animals (because fur tends to get caught on his tooths), and disembowels red necks, tossing entrails around as if in a spaghetti throwing competition.

This stuff is OK. This isn’t: Wildy is dressed in what looks to be piles of dirty laundry. No big hairy creature that smells like freshness-expired skunk, just an overturned laundry basket as a fright fashion statement. The hick locals they cast as extras were far more frightening. (Don’t people in Texas ever brush their tusks?)

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m taking my dirty laundry down to the river and shooting it.