Dinosaur Food, Multi-Headed Sharks, Post-Apocalyptic Criminals

Dino Food

Gotta hand it to film marketers — Universal™ teamed up with Kellogg Co.™ (the folks behind such nutritiously sugarized cereal like Honey Smacks™,  Kellogg’s Smorz™ and Kream Krunch™) to cross promote Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom (June 22, 2019) by putting a dinosaur on the box cover as well as (here comes the genius part) an embedded digital screen that offers Jurassic fans an exclusive five-minute compilation of behind-the-scenes footage from the making of the movie. 

From the press release: “The collector’s editions of the Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom packages will cost $24.99 each (plus shipping). Quantities are very, very limited: Kellogg has produced a total of only 200 boxes. The Kellogg’s packages with the embedded digital screens and Jurassic World-themed packaging are available for purchase on Amazon.com.”

Dino Food

“The videos in the embedded digital player will include clips showing how the filmmakers brought the Jurassic World dinosaurs to life and how they used a roller coaster to capture the actors’ reactions when they’re in the Jurassic World gyrosphere. The special packages have a 7-inch screen with 1024-by-600 resolution. The special Frosted Flakes™ package features Blue, the intelligent female velociraptor from the new movie, while the Keebler Fudge Stripes™ box showcases a T-rex.”

Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom

That is so cool, I can’t even think of a better word to describe it, except that the Keebler™ box isn’t the only thing that’ll end up with a fudge stripe on it. So while I go in search of the cereal (it should come with Jurassic World moist towelette coupons), here are a few upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that, like a T-rex, may or may not be your first choice for first meal of the day…

The Domestics

THE DOMESTICS (June 28, 2018)
“A post-apocalyptic world is inhabited by murderous gangs divided into deadly factions. Characters race desperately across the lawless countryside in search of safety.”

Sounds like my weekly grocery run. And why is it murderous gangs are always the ones running the post-apocalyptic world? What happened to all the bartenders?

6-Headed Shark Attack

6-HEADED SHARK ATTACK (August 28, 2018)
“Attendees of a marriage boot camp on a remote island have to fight a six-headed shark that attacks the beach.”

If you’re attending a marriage boot camp, then you deserve to get chewed out by a six-headed shark. Hate to be the one who cleans up after its meals, though; I’d need a front-loader.

Megalodon

MEGALODON (August 31, 2018)
“A military vessel is on the search for an unidentified submersible and comes face to face with the massive shark known as Megalodon.”

One guess as to who is ripping off The Meg (August 10, 2018) to ride its box office wave. The film studio name rhymes with “Ass I Am.”

Boarding School

BOARDING SCHOOL (August 31, 2018)
“When troubled 12-year-old Jacob Felsen is sent away to boarding school, he enters every kid’s worst nightmare: A creepy old mansion, deserted except for six other teenage misfits and two menacing and mysterious teachers. As events become increasingly horrific, Jacob must conquer his fears to find the strength to survive.”

Used to be running willy nilly through a creepy, deserted mansion would be the stuff of dreams to a 12-year-old kid. Nowadays, if there isn’t a wi-fi connection, a kid isn’t gonna give you the time of day. No apps for giving a f*ck, I suppose.

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