Death By Boredom

The Final destination

And I thought Final Destination 3 (2006) with “death by tanning bed” was 

bad. The fourth — and hardly final The Final Destination (2009) — dispenses with the plot altogether, and just goes for the “set ’em up/knock ’em down” kill scenes, in which Death, only temporarily deprived, gets what it came for. They did this one in 3D. So what?

The Final Destination

Nick O’Bannon, his girlfriend and another Guess Jeans™ couple are white-trashin’ it at a race car track. Foreseeing a horrific accident that ends up with a good portion the grandstand viewing audience getting either cut in half or turned into human Jell-O™ by ricochetting car parts/tires, Nick barely gets his friends, as well as a few others, out of exploding harm’s way.

The Final Destination

As with all the FD movies, they were supposed to die. Now Death hunts them down and sets up elaborate traps that end in all accounts being paid in full. The mousetrap scenes are so evenly paced you could set your watch to ’em. Even then, they’re just not that innovative. One guy gets his butt/innards sucked out through a swimming pool drain. Really? That’s all you got?

The Final Destination

Another one finds a girl trapped in a car wash about to get her face sheared off by those big roll-y things. Big time flinch — she gets out…and later dies by impalement. Hang on a sec — gotta yawn.

The Final Destination

Another guy gets plowed into by an ambulance (plagiarizing the bus scene in Final Destination/2000). Another is dragged down the street by a runaway tow truck and catches on fire, burning alive. Man, this yawning is contagious.

The Final Destination

But the biggest rip-off of all comes at the end when a semi plows into a coffee shop and smashes into the last three remaining survivors. It’s right here they cut to a computer-animated x-ray “cartoon” of the bodies getting mangled, broken and busted. They even showed an x-ray of the truck!

The Final Destination

Stick with Final Destination and Final Destination 2/2003, and leave the rest for Death to clean up.

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