The Blank Expression of Horror

Bruiser

Henry’s life sucks. His wife plays with his boss’ not-so-private parts. His best friend and stockbroker have robbed him blind. His upscale house is left in construction limbo because he’s overdrawn at the bank. His housekeeper is swiping valuable drink coasters. Everywhere he goes, somebody is always wiping their feet on him.

Bruiser

No big surprise when Henry wakes up one morning to find his face gone: a completely white mug — no features except for his mouth and two pinholes for eyes. He looks like a crash-test dummy. Where Henry was the Invisible Man before, he now becomes the Phantom of the Opera, skulking around with a fedora and black cape, looking to balance karmic scales.

Bruiser

He catches his wife riding his boss’ baloney pony and tosses her out a four-story window. See ya! He corners his stockbroker in a locker room and cuts his losses with a bullet to the Izod. Later, alligator. He gets in a little batting practice with his housekeeper’s head. Base hit!

Bruiser

Henry is able to do as a faceless man what he couldn’t do as a browbeaten corporate schmuck. While there is blood and a head being squashed by a train wheel, Bruiser (2000) is more of a character story and not a bowel-chewing special effects flick.

 Bruiser

The ending seemed tacked on, but it put a grin on my faceful face. Two more in the plus column: Henry’s wife is really hot and we get to see her unfaithful nudity, and white-faced punk Goths, The Misfits play at Henry’s boss’ party where Henry upstages them all. Too bad Henry didn’t turn into a zombie and just eat everybody’s faces instead of losing his.

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