A Box of Death

Cube Zero

Cubeº: Cube Zero (2004), the sequel/prequel to Cube (1997) and Cube 2: Hypercube (2002), thinks outside the box, showing the people that control the test subjects inside the massive, booby-trapped, multi-roomed Rubik’s Cube™ of deathisms.

Cube ZeroOne such test subject is sprayed with fluid and thinks its water. Don’t go brushing your teeth with it just yet, pal — that there water is a flesh-eating bacteria mixed in with a fluid delivery system and… Dang, he melted before I could finish telling him he was about to die a horrible and un-flossed death.

Cube Zero

Operated by two controllers who don’t like each other, they’re given orders on how to run scenarios on those within the Cube. One guy has an eyeball outside of his head — super ick. The other guy falls for a supermodel previously placed in the Cube and is instructed to record her dreams. (If anyone ever puts me in a Cube and tries recording my dreams, they better have a strong stomach.)

Cube Zero

As the Cube clues (or “clubes”) fall into place, the test subjects are found to have something in common: each was sentenced to death at one point, but signed a consent form to have their lives spared if they agreed to be placed in the Cube. Wait a minute — the supermodel wasn’t sentenced to death, nor did she sign a waiver. That means there’s some gosh dang monkey business going on upstairs in the corporate office.Cube ZeroRealizing this, the one controller who has a case of the hot potatoes for the supermodel goes into the Cube to rescue her. The Cube, though, has been rigged to reset itself and do a clean sweep, meaning it vaporizes everything inside made up of living tissue. Ouch and then some. Cooler still, when a test subject makes it through the Cube’s traps and poking things, he or she exits and is asked if they believe in God. If you say no, you’re burned to death right there on the spot. You’re gonna roast in Hell one way or another.

Cube Zero

Cubeº: Cube Zero is more interesting than Cube 2: Hypercube, but not as good as the self-titled first one in the franchise, due to nonsensical “Big Brother” plotting. I watch these things for the boobies and booby-traps, NOT for nonsensical story lines. As stuffed sausage as the plot is, it has one ’o those Twilight Zone-type irony/twisty endings. So, like, that was pretty cool.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: