50 Years of Apes

March 27, 1968 was when the world changed for the better. That’s when talking monkeys ruled the Earth and it became a sort of “planet of the apes. ” (Nowadays, the world is run by a bunch of braying jackasses.)

Planet of the Apes, one of sci-fi’s all time greatest movies, was released on this day 50 years ago. And after spawning a veritable Ape City of movies, remakes, a TV series, cartoons, games, books, toys and bubblegum cards whose included hard and sharp card-shaped gum would cut your gums like you were chewing on a razor, still remains king of the jungle.

The original Planet of the Apes movie, kinda sorta based on La Planète des Singes, a 1963 the short novel  by French quill-slinger Pierre Boulle, was adapted to the big screen by none other than Twilight Zone’s Rod Serling and Bridge Over River Kwai’s (1957) Michael Wilson. Taking the book’s premise that evolved apes were the dominant species over man, they ran with the concept and took it straight to the box office hoop, and came up with arguably the best shock-twist movie endings ever in the history of ever. (If you haven’t seen it, you might wanna do that now, then go put your pants in the washer.)

So what have we learned from Planet of the Apes over the last five decades? First, mankind is still a collective a**hole. And Zira, the female doctor chimp, is kind of a floozy, her romantic tastes crossing species like swinging from a vine. Then you have Dr. Zaius, a hard-right Republican, who tried to suppress and delete the existence of illegal aliens. Cornelius, Zira’s husband and archaeologist, was, and shall always be, a lovable wuss. And let’s not forget General Ursus, a war-maddened gorilla who lives in infamy for his Jiffy Pop™ shaped helmet and stirring war cry, “The only good human is a dead human!” Hardcore, but direct to the point.

So happy birthday, Planet of the Apes. You made this world a better Forbidden Zone.