Shivering Snakes

Boa

In the generically-labeled Boa (aka, New Alcatraz/2001), a prehistoric giant snake in the Antarctic, after having slept in ice colder than a nuclear beer cooler for a billion million years, is rousted from its frigid slumber by the “come and get it” dinner bell noises of a bunch of people running an arctic penitentiary.

Boa

The concept of a prison in the South Pole is believable enough; with no mittens to be had, what’s the point in trying to escape? And that a 100-foot reptile comes to life after being defrosted is also easy to swallow when you consider it’s easier to fake a snake than giant, human-pecking penguins (which would’ve made a lot more sense and been way more cooler).

Boa

A bunch of super criminals have just arrived and aren’t too happy about having igloo-detention for life. After the snake gets loose and goes on a snack attack that wipes out 99% of the cast, it’s up to the bad guys — who are experts at breaking in and out of things — to figure out an escape plan. I’m all for enlarged reptiles and/or insects wreaking havoc on the world (hey, if I had a proboscis, I’d be doing it), but this one should never have been taken out of the freezer.

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