Extraterrestrial Parcel Post

Alien Cargo

In the Alien (1979) rip-off, Alien Cargo (1999), a mining ship returning from Mars, picks up some contaminated space junk that turns the crew into the last call crowd, wherein they go around bashing each other in the head with sharp things.

Alien CargoThe death ship also contains eight crew members that were put into hibernation chambers (future tanning beds) for the long trip home (they get paid for sleeping on the job), but the onboard computer wakes two of ’em — a year after they were due to arrive home.

Alien Cargo

They discover their craft in ruins, heading out to deep space with a teaspoon of fuel — and the whole dang place infected with alien herpes that looks like mint-y blue snot.

Alien CargoAre there creatures eating the brains of the lost-in-spacers? No. Is there nudity to help advance the story line? No. Is there an important twist that finds the crew having a wild orgy in the cargo bay? No. In space, everyone can hear you snore.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

w

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: