Surfing Giant Crocodiles

Blood Surf

In the giant crocodile movie Blood Surf (2000), two smart-alecky extreme surfers push the extreme by cutting their feet with a really sharp knife, then hanging ten in shark-infested waters as a camera crew documents these silly boys for television, or “TV.”

Blood Surf

One of the surfers looks like Billy Idol on drugs, if you can imagine how hideous that might be. After hot-dogging it through a swarm of swimming chain saws, something else is in the water — and it’s eating the sharks!

Blood Surf

Turns out it’s a 31-foot saltwater crocodile called, Salty. (I would’ve named him something along the lines of El Snappo, or Shredder P. Rippington, III.) This monster croc doesn’t like surfers (they taste like low-cal seals) or anybody else who dares to pee in his pool, so he chases them and eats them — whole.

Blood Surf

Pointless and clichéd sub-plots involve yet another Ahab-type looking to yank his Moby Dick. Several pleasant/naked sex scenes, one of which involves a supermodel gal and publicly exposed pontoons.

Blood Surf

The crocodile, though, is the bigger disappointment. Sometimes computer-generated, other times a hand puppet, you just wanna say “see you later” to this alligator. The best scene is when a guy surfs right into Salty’s gaping yap, to which another surfer remarks, “Wow, that’s gotta suck.” My sentiments exactly.

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