Urban UFOs, Brain Quakes, Serial Killing Seafood

Top 25 Cities for UFOs

Recently read an interesting article by columnist Cheryl Costa on the Syracuse New Times website listing the Top 25 cities for UFO sightings across the U.S., from 2001— 2015. Phoenix, AZ tops the carts with 929 sightings and Kansas City comes in last at an embarrassing (to the Chamber of Commerce, anyway) 294 reported glimpses of unidentified flying objects. The irony here is that Syracuse doesn’t even make the list. That’s just shameful.

On a happier note, Seattle, home of ME, sits smugly on the list at #3, with 616 sightings. It would’ve been around 700, but the UFO hotline got tired of me calling in every blinking light in the sky. So what if I live by two airports (Boeing Field/Sea-Tac Airport)? Maybe they were planes…or maybe they were extraterrestrial spaceships looking to goof with my brain pan. Still a valid call on my part.

Seattle

Other UFO hotspot cities include Chicago, Portland, Los Angeles and Manhattan. So if you live in one of those places, keep watching the skies. If you don’t, then don’t. Not up for craning your neck skyward for hours on end? Lower your head to TV level and watch for these upcoming horror/sci-fi movies, which, for the most part, are identifiable…

Mindblown

MINDBLOWN (available now/VOD)
“A team of telekinetics — code-named Project Mindblown — has been secretly assembled in a high-tech facility. Their minds have the power to shake the Earth — or bring rain to drought-starved areas. They’ve been told their abilities will be used to do good for humanity. But when evidence suggests that the group has been tricked into causing destruction in U.S. cities, one team member goes rogue, racing against time to uncover a deadly conspiracy.”

Man, it’d be so cool to have the power to make things shake and quake. For instance, you could walk into a glass and ceramics novelty gift shop, fart really loud, and then make the whole room shake an off-balanced washer and/or dryer. Then say something like, “Wow, I knew I shouldn’t have eaten that fourth burrito…” Hilarity, I tell you.

Totem

TOTEM (October 31, 2017/VOD)
“A teen must resort to extreme measures to protect her family from a supernatural entity.”

Kind of an oxymoron — aren’t teens already supernatural entities? So what extreme measures is this teen gonna resort to? Making body-shaming taunts and posting embarrassing photos of the entity on social media? Or maybe she’ll trick it into smearing itself with glitter lipstick so it’ll look totally uncool at the school dance.

The Envelope

THE ENVELOPE (November 30, 2017/Russia)
“A strange envelope is delivered to an architect bureau by mistake. Igor, a driver, gets the task to bring it to the right address. From that moment his life becomes a string of paranormal events. The cursed letter invades Igor’s life and leads him to a mysterious addressee.”

They’re still naming horror movie characters “Igor”? That’s like giving Tom Cruise the name “Jack” in all his movies. As for the strange envelope, it’s probably a rent increase notice. (Last one I got was covered in frowny-face stickers.)

The Crescent

THE CRESCENT (2017/2018)
“A mother and her toddler son struggle to find spiritual healing after an unexpected death in the family. All the while, a mysterious force from the sea threatens to tear their souls apart.”

I bet you anything the mysterious force from the sea is a clam. Those things are loaded with terror. When you crack one open, it either looks like an alien face-hugger or a freshly blown nose. Or both.

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