Loch Ness Monster 2.0

Beyond Loch Ness

In Beyond Loch Ness (aka, Loch Ness Terror/2008), the famous Scottish lake isn’t the only watering hole that harbors a living plesiosaur. There’s a big one — and a bunch of smaller ones — in Lake Superior. Superiorness, as I call her, is friggin’ huge, prone to mood swings and has a taste for land flesh.

Beyond Loch Ness

A cryptologist (scientist without accreditation) has been tracking this creature from the Loch all the way to the States and comes packing hi-tech weaponry, like a cell-melting gun, a stool-loosening oscillator, a five-foot rifle and cyanide-laced bullets. This goes nicely with his floor-length leather jacket and old-style cowboy hat. Good thing he has a facial scar (thanks to an earlier confrontation with Nessie), or his whole shtick wouldn’t be believable.

Beyond Loch Ness

So how did Nessie get from Scotland to the U.S.? Why, an underground express tunnel, of course. Duh. The good stuff: half-digested human legs hanging out of Superiorness’ mouth like unslurped spaghetti. The bad stuff: the plot. Nessie is petting-friendly; Why they had to make her a carnivorous Walkasaurus is just wrong.

Beyond Loch Ness

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