I’m Burning, Man

The Wicker Man

Policeman Edward Malus’ (played ham-fistedly by Nicholas Cage) first mistake was using his detective-grade work to hunt down his ex-fiancée’s daughter, believed to be kidnapped and living with other “sisters” on an island in the Pacific Northwest (not far from where I live if you don’t count the stoplights).

The Wicker ManCage’s second mistake was wearing a bear suit while running around said island, trying to stop the “sisters” from sacrificing the daughter to a balsa wood god, ala Burning Man™.

The Wicker Man

The hippie druid, non-leg shaving chicks that run the island aren’t the type you’d ask out for a burger and a few games of coin-fueled pool before romantically feeling ’em up in the backseat of say, a 1973 Chevy Nova. No, these ladies prefer something a little more “natural” for brunch, if you catch my drift. I’m cool with that.

The Wicker Man

Bringing absolutely nothing new to the table (1973’s Wicker Man was way more way cool), Cage finds out 92 minutes too late it wasn’t the daughter they were gonna sacrificially roast to the gods that make vegetables grow, but him all along.

The Wicker ManEven though The Wicker Man/2006) laughably stinks, it at least prepared Cage for his role as the burning-skulled title character in Ghost Rider (2007). Some would call it Method Acting.

One Response to “I’m Burning, Man”

  1. Barbara Fitzgerald Says:

    Whew! Was worried when I saw the headline … 😉

    Sent from mobile

    >

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