Jurassic Rodent

The Dark

In the generically titled creature feature The Dark (1994), a pro football player-sized prehistoric rat is living in tunnels beneath the cemetery and eating interred bodies by gnawing through the caskets with its fangs of doom. Yummy, if you’re a rat, prehistoric or contemporary. Everyone else, not so much.

The Dark

The rat’s blood has cell tissue healing properties and can be of vast beneficial use to someone. A good guy wants to capture and study it with a microscope and tweezers. A bad guy wants to shoot it in the face. The good guy has been tracking it for years, but has sex with a diner waitress first. The bad guy just wants to shoot it in the face.

The Dark

The cemetery caretaker and his assistant manager in charge of digging happen across the tunnel, call the local authorities (I would’ve called Orkin™, but that’s just me) and encounter Ratus Ratus. The rodent itself is better in idea than in real life; You don’t see it attack humans or eat dead ones. When you do see it in the light deep underground where there are no table lamps but is still lit up anyway, it looks like a homeless version of that giant flying dog in The NeverEnding Story (1984).

The Dark

The overtly cute Neve Campbell cameos as a police officer (she puts the frisk in frisky), and the diner waitress has sex with a guy who just got stabbed, doesn’t know his name or why he’s hunting a giant rat and has a tranquilizer gun filled with some sort of tranquilizer. I usually have to hang out at Social Services to meet awesome chicks like that.

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