Selfie Serial Killers, Aliens vs. Us, Elevator Zombies

The Poughkeepsie Tapes

If there was ever anyone to give the “Persistence Beats Resistance” award to, it should probably go to John Erick Dowdle and his horror film (completed in 2007), The Poughkeepsie Tapes. Yep, 10 years ago it was done and never commercially released (but you could find bootlegs), and it did show up on DirecTV in 2014 for a minute.

But thanks to a deal with Scream Factory (they smell nice), TPT will FINALLY be released on Blu-ray and DVD this October 10, 2017. (That’s a Tuesday — my calendar says so.) And here’s why you might be interested in all of the above: “Throughout the 1990s, a serial killer terrorized upstate New York. After a decade-long crime spree conducted largely under the radar of law enforcement, the killer left behind the most disturbing collection of evidence homicide detectives had even seen — hundreds of homemade videotapes that chronicled the stalking, abduction, murder and disposal of his victims.”

If I had a victim to dispose of, I’d probably ask that person to climb inside one of those oversized yard trimmings bags (be careful!) and go wait out by the dumpster. The City of Seattle may suck the soul out of your life’s skin, but they do know how to pick up your leavings and make all your problems go away. Done and done.

Here’s some more upcoming horror and sci-fi movies that may or may not belong in the landfill…

Alien: Reign of Man

ALIEN: REIGN OF MAN (August 1, 2017/VOD/November 14, 2017/DVD)
“Stranded on a distant planet, a team must fight aliens and activate a machine meant to restore Earth to a time before its downfall.”

Man, I wish I had a machine that could take me back to Earth’s pre-downfall days, back when rock was rock and roll, and EDM (Electronic Dance Music) was just a vacuum cleaner set to an overly repetitive beat that was both fresh and had a wicked Drop.

The End

THE END? (2017/2018)
Claudio Verona is a young and cynical businessman, who one day gets locked in his office elevator before an important meeting with a client. This annoying obstacle will soon turn into a nightmare, as a deadly virus outside has begun to infect and transform people into extremely violent and dangerous zombies. Claudio has to get out of this claustrophobic space, but it seems that the elevator may be the safest place in the city.”

There’s a good idea — hide out from zombies in a elevator with no bathroom and/or viewing window. May as well be a giant Tupperware™ bowl with snap-on lid. But how do you survive a zombie apocalypse in an elevator? Ha — you can’t! An escalator, though — now there’s a fancy piece of slacker technology that’s been saving all of us from zombies/exercising for decades.

The Hatred

THE HATRED (2017/2018)
“Four young women travel to their college professor’s new country home for a weekend getaway, only to discover the house has a malevolent past.”

Man, that’s an overused premise, said the makers of The Amityville Horror (1979). So four young women in this evil joint — I see at least eight opportunities to improve the tired plot here.

The Honor Farm

THE HONOR FARM (2017/2018)
“When Lucy’s prom night falls apart, she finds herself jumping into a hearse headed for a psychedelic party in the woods. Looking for a thrill, the party wanders deeper into the forest, to a haunted prison work farm. A secret wish and a summoning of the dead sends the group on a mind-bending trip that may be a dangerous trap.”

Hearse? Psychedelic party? The woods? Haunted prison? The dead? Why, it’s like a horror movie snack platter filled with all your favorite carbs! I bet, though, the dialogue is as inspired as the plot.

 

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