Door-To-Door Slashers

The Strangers

It hasn’t been a good night for James and his girlfriend Kristen. He proposed permanently hitching to her, she basically said hell no thanks, and all the clichéd romantic devices he set up at his parent’s house — rose petals on the bed, chilled champagne, candles, psycho killers outside — were all for nothing.

The Strangers

Well, not all for nothing. The psycho killers are hanging around to take the soured mood to a new level. In the end James and Kristen are tied up and… So much for the sequel.

The Strangers

This was based on a true story, though I doubt it. People just don’t break into houses, because it’s against the law. The movie also allegedly draws inspiration from the Manson murders, so it has that marketing going for it. What it doesn’t have is a plot or anything remotely consisting of dialogue. Other than the one line, the killers don’t speak or show their real faces (until the end). And all Kristen does is scream and cry. Same with James. (Wussy.) That’s the whole movie.

The Strangers

For a much better version of this generically-titled The Strangers (2008), watch The Last House on the Left (2009) remake, You’re Next (2011), or better still, The Collector (2009) That one will make the hairs on your couch warmer turn white — if they aren’t already.

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