2,000 Thoughts on Horror & Sci-Fi
What’s more stupefying that I stuck to this arduous journey (Hobbits have nothing on me) are the stats generated over seven years of near pointless — but still my passion — posts: 50,000 intercepted spam attempts (spammers are infected pus-filled boils on the b-hole of a-life), 10,000 pics (worth 1,000 words), 1,000 typos (not my fault — I blem auto-correct) and over 1,000,000 page views. (WordPress™ stats keep track. I only follow my bank account numbers, which is finally in the lofty 100s. Score!)
So what have I/you/we/us/they learned about horror/sci-fi/fantasy in the last seven years? That horror/sci-fi movies continue to rip off each other with impunity. From cut ’n paste ad art and plots, to new lows in low-budget filmmaking (movies shot on iPhones™ aren’t films, they’re selfies with credits), the horror movie community seems at home eviscerating itself as if the very same slashers they keep churning out decade after decade.
These practices are the reason we have so many zombie movies (out-pacing vampires by a moonlight mile), found footage (see iPhones™), and the Archie/Scooby-Doo construct of five moronic young people (three guys, two gals) stepping in a big pile of ultimate evil.
And the term “ultimate evil” brings up another gripe. After reading countless press releases while moving my lips touting upcoming horror/sci-fi movies, there are 10 terms marketing peeps consistently fall back on when describing their “films”, adjectives no one uses (outside of a bar) in real life: Sinister, blood-curdling, mysterious, vengeful, ancient evil, grapple, estranged, malevolent force, mortal danger, and my favorite, dread-inducing. Geez, all they have to do is go to Thesaurus.com to expand their notoriously limited vocabulary arsenal. Those illiterate histrionic simpletons.
Box office buzzwords are also tools for the PR department tools. So much so, you need a math expert to keep track of all the movies that hang these words on their titles: Amityville, Paranormal, Haunting, Dark/Darkness, Dead, Zombie, Ouija, Possession, Exorcist/Exorcism… If they think it’ll help upsell you out of your movie coupons, they have no problem slapping any one of these overcooked/overdone/overused modifiers on their predictably weak product.
But horror — no matter how overcooked/overdone/overused — is what it is. Unfortunately, no amount of i-soapboxing is gonna change it. What I do look forward to in new horror/sci-fi is the ad art. All too often, though, the marketing materials are better than the movie its advertising. Then again, who wouldn’t take the bait when the art (designed by Phantom City Creative) is this cool?
So any horror/sci-fi movie predictions for the next 1,000 posts? No doubt more zombie and shark movies…
I know what you’re thinking; they already did Zombie Shark aka, Tiburon Zombie in 2014…
And we should also expect to see more wild mash-ups to further stress test our movie viewing dollars…
Everything else, second verse, same as the first. Just like this blog. Onward…but not always upward.
P.S. Loud shout-outs to David H, Mondozilla, Mr. Deadman, Dougside, Dave De Prave, Tony Wilkins and Computerlady911 for the great support.