Bigfoot’s Girlfriend

Tanya's Island

Tanya is a big city supermodel whose artist boyfriend has hair-trigger anger issues. He wants her to go away. She doesn’t want to go away. Instead, she fantasizes about the two of them on a deserted island, where clothes have no meaning and there are bananas everywhere, some even for eating.

Tanya's Island

While exploring the island, Tanya happens across a grotto that serves as a rent-free apartment for Blue, a lonely Bigfoot (or “island gorilla”) with more bananas than he could hope for. (Intermission: Tanya names him Blue because the ape’s eyes are that color. “Grotto” would be a better name for a gorilla. Just sayin’.)

Tanya's Island

Tanya develops a friendship with Blue, which taps into the jealous rage anger of Lobo, her mood swingin’ boyfriend. His temper is as bad as his name, which seems like it would be more suitable on a can of chewing tobacco. He sees the odd couple beauty and beastin’ it without him, so he traps Blue in a remarkably sturdy bamboo cage (i.e., island jail). What follows is a series of LOL moments punctuated by Tanya’s liberal nudity.

Tanya's Island

Lobo war paints his face, goes all Rambo crazy, and he and Blue get into a prolonged dust up, fighting for Tanya’s bounty. Blue manages to imprison Lobo in his own cell and makes off with Tanya, who by now is fed up with both her boyfriends’ behavior. She tells Lobo, “Go away, I don’t want to be with either of you,” like being in a relationship with a gorilla was an option. Blue responds by chasing her through the jungle. He must’ve tripped, because he fell right on top of her bare bottom and seemed to get stuck there. Gee, I hope he’s okay.

Tanya's Island

All this fun, and yet the best moment is was watching Tanya in waist deep water trying to catch fish with a bow and arrow. Tanya, btw, is Vanity, who later became Prince’s girlfriend. Too bad the monkey didn’t learn how to play guitar.

Tanya's Island

P.S. You can find the horror-esque fantasy Tanya’s Island (uncensored) on YouTube™.  I’m not promising I won’t tell your mom of your perverse viewing habits.

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