Failed Religion, Human Pet Store, Camping With Bigfoot

This never-ending flood of horror movie releases makes me think I should get a GoPro™, strap it to a flexible body part, go out into the world and make my own horror masterpiece. (Okay, poor choice of words as that’s the phrase I use after eating a high-fiber breakfast.)

Yep, I could soon be joining the ranks of Hollywood’s elite and… Nah, too lazy. Would rather eat high-fiber breakfasts and “review” movies in my bathroom. Heh.

That said…

INCARNATE (December 2, 2016)
“Confined to a wheelchair after a horrific accident, Dr. Seth Ember is an “Incarnate” — gifted with the rare ability to delve into the minds of possessed people in order to exorcise their demons from the inside out. When the Vatican enlists him to exorcise a particularly troubled young boy, Ember is shocked to discover inside him the same evil spirit responsible for the death of his wife and child years before. Ember desperately searches for a way to destroy the demon before it kills him and unleashes its terror upon the world.”

Don’t mean to point out the obvious, but are not bartenders “Incarnates” as well? If anyone can delve into the mind of a possessed person and see the demon within, it’s the guy pouring your fifth drink.

PET (December 2, 2016 / VOD limited / December 27, 2016 / DVD)
“Seth is a lonely man working in an animal shelter. His monotonous routine is broken one day when he bumps into Holly, a girl from school who he soon becomes obsessed with. However, when she rejects his advances, Seth’s obsession reaches a terrifying new level, with Holly hiding secrets of her own.”

Animal shelter? Hiding secrets? Pffft – I bet she’s werewolf. That, or, um, not.

ENCLOSURE (2016/2017)
“A couple’s romantic camping trip is cut short after a group of nearby hunters are brutally killed by a mysterious creature. As the creature turns its focus on the couple, they must fight for their survival while their shelter is destroyed.”

Gotta be Bigfoot. What, you think some high-fiber seeking bear or thug4life raccoon would destroy someone’s shelter? Maybe in the movies. Regardless, of what you think, it boils down to this – if you’re planning a romantic camping trip (i.e., doin’ it in a tent in the woods), Bigfoot will foot block you.

WELCOME TO WILLITS (2017)
“Deep in the Northern California woods, locals struggle to fight off repeated attacks from mysterious invaders. When local farmer Brock is caught up with a wayward group of campers the situation quickly escalates into total carnage. Together with a ragtag crew Brock struggles to maintain his sanity while defending his family from perceived supernatural threats.”

Sounds like a paranormal spin on the famous TRUE STORY of the 1955 Kelly/Hopkinsville encounter in which a Kentucky backwoods farm family with BFFs (five adults, seven children, no booze) were allegedly terrorized for hours by shotgun-proof aliens. (In the end the aliens ate all their faces. Or so I heard.)