Cash For Corpses

I Sell The Dead

A career in robbing graves in the early 19th Century carries inherent risks. First, it’s highly illegal, the penalty of which is a little off the top via the guillotine. (It’s like a can open for heads.) Secondly, competing grave-robbers are very territorial, and will take extreme measures to preserve their vocation. (Foldable pocket guillotines.)

I Sell The Dead

One night, Willie and Arthur, career grave robbers, unearth a vampire. They count their blessings and coins as the undead command a much higher price. The reason? Doctor-type physicians want to study them to uncover the secrets of suck-filled immortality.

I Sell The Dead

Both men, now with their assistant — a red hot red-head prostitute with no experience handling stiffs (ahem) — are tipped off that a sailing ship delivering three zombies has lost its cargo, and that anyone with the right skills can row to the Isle of Langol (it’s farther away than it looks), collect said undead and make a killing.

I Sell The Dead

They get to the island, only to find out the Murphy Gang (they’re competitors) is already there. Leader Cornelius Murphy grinds up human bones and snorts the white powder, probably because it smells good or something. Bulger is a filthy oaf with dog teeth, replacing the ones he lost in a street fight. (Somewhere there’s a dog wandering around with dentures.) Valentine, so named because her face was so horrifically mutilated by her boyfriend on Valentine’s Day (the traditional gift is chocolates and flowers), wears a theatre mask and removes it to scare the accent out of you.

I Sell The Dead

The zombies get out of their crates and stuff you couldn’t predict happens, does. I Sell The Dead (2010) an homage to The Fearless Vampire Killers (1967), is LOL funny and LOL morbid, with a few cool vampire and undead peeps. So, like, take that to your grave.

2 Responses to “Cash For Corpses”

  1. “I Sell the Dead” is a wonderful morbid and funny grave-robbers- meet-zombie movie. (talk about your niche market genres . . .).
    And there is another one. The backward-bent corpse picture is from “Burke & Hare” (2010), Directed by John Landis, it stars Simon Pegg ( in cap) and Andy Serkis (in top hat) as William Burke and William Hare.

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