Vampires, Haunted Houses and 7-Eleven
Four more upcoming (as of this date in time) horror film-y thingies for your monetary consideration. First thought has me questioning the people who write these press releases. If you want to do a half-assed job…HIRE ME!
PATIENT SEVEN (October 11, 2016)
“Dr. Marcus, a renowned psychiatrist has selected six severe mentally ill and dangerous patients, from the Spring Valley Mental Hospital as part of research for his new book. As Dr. Marcus interviews each patient, one by one the horrors they have committed begin to unfold. However, Dr. Marcus soon learns that there is one patient that has been kept from him, by the hospital’s administrator, Dr. Vincent…”
That Dr. Vincent is such a dick. Why would he keep a patient from Dr. Marcus? That is just plain mean. You give an ass-wipe a name tag and they think they own the world.
VAMPYRES (October 18, 2016)
Vampyres – faithful to the sexy, twisted 1974 cult classic, takes place in a stately English manor inhabited by two older lesbian vampires and their only cohabitant – a man imprisoned in the basement. Their lives and lifestyle are upended when a trio of campers come upon their lair and seek to uncover their dark secrets, a decision that has sexual and blood-curdling consequences.”
Vampyres is said to “pulsate with raw eroticism, wicked sado-masochism and bloody, creative gore.” It’s like a party-platter gone wild.
HOUSE OF PURGATORY (October 21, 2016)
“Four mid-western teenagers search for a fabled haunted house on Halloween night. Finding it, they slowly realize that the house knows each of their deepest secrets. One-by-one the house uses these secrets against them. Then, they find themselves in a battle to save their lives and their souls!”
A house that knows each of their deepest secrets? They don’t know it yet, but they stumbled into a 7-Eleven™.
THE AUTOPSY OF JANE DOE (December 20, 2016)
“Two coroners – a father and son – receive a mysterious homicide victim with no apparent cause of death. As they attempt to identify the beautiful young ‘Jane Doe,’ they discover increasingly bizarre clues that hold the key to her terrifying secrets.”
You’re probably thinking the secret is she’s a he. An autopsy should settle that argument.