Bang A Kong

King of Kong Island

Word of warning before you run low on brain juice and think watching King of Kong Island (1968) is a good idea: The “king” part is in reference to a overloaded-on-brain-juice mad scientist who operates on gorillas and implants radio transmitters in their heads, presumably to create a legion of monkey butlers. Secondly…THERE IS NO ISLAND!

King of Kong Island

So yeah, misleading as all get out. What this Italian made “horror” movie is turns out to be a slow-moving mess of people spontaneously shooting each other so many times, there’s hardly anyone left by the time it ends.

Kong: Skull Island

What King of Kong Island has (that they barely used) is a 97% naked ape woman (feral kid raised by gorillas), wearing only a loin cloth and long black hair that annoyingly sticks to her boobular area. And she has a Pepsodent™ smile so white, her teeth glow in the direct Nairobi (where this film really was) sunlight. Maybe bananas are natural tooth whiteners. Better go buy some. Bananas come from Nairobi, yes?

Kong: Skull Island

A wasteful way to while away the time until Kong: Skull Island comes out in March, 2017. That one has a real island and a real Kong, that mythic monkey monster in a big-budget/big screen reboot. Just the trailer alone is so awesome, the movie studio should be charging us to watch it.

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