Hellthcare

Room 6

A car crash leaves super hot Amy’s boyfriend with a severely broken leg. This is indicated by a pained expression rather than the preferred snapping of bone and screaming. That the accident could’ve been prevented had someone been keeping their eyes on the road is not the point as the boyfriend is carted off in an ambulance and taken to a hospital that DOESN’T EXIST.

Room 6

Along the way to the hospital she encounters people (street bum, police officer, preacher) who reveal their demonic, tar-drooling wrongness to Amy, saying stuff like, “You can’t have him, he’s ours now!” That must suck for her. Meanwhile, back in the Hellspital (my word for hospital — pretty cool, eh?), a bunch of centerfold-quality nurses tend to the boyfriend and draw blood on a daily basis. Beats sucking the blood out of a broken leg, I suppose.

Room 6

These nurses later gather in a room, take off their clothes and squirt syringes filled with the collected blood into their mouths. Then they kiss each other on their mouths. I need to find out why my health plan doesn’t offer this benefit.

Room 6

Amy finally manages to find her broken boyfriend, goes inside HELLSPITAL and encounters zombies that want to rub her buoyant shirt pontoons. Somehow she manages to get away with only a copped feel or two and intercedes right as the doctor is about to perform a slicectomy on the love of her life. Amy somehow manages to get him out of there, and just in time, too – the place is going up in flames…flames from HELL, no doubt.

Room 6In all, the ending of Room 6 (2006) is a lazy cop-out for all that effort. But for at least 61 minutes of this 90-minute movie, I was entertained…ish.

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