The Freeze Her Freezer

Cold Storage

In the sick but strangely affectionate Cold Storage (2006), Clive, a 40-something derelict with limited mental capacity (it’s like looking in a mirror), witnesses a brutal car wreck one night on a Tennessee country back road. The driver, a woman who just kicked her wimpy boyfriend to the curb, was ejected out of the vehicle and landed with a paralyzing thump on the road, causing brain fixins to leak out on that there pavement.

Cold Storage

Clive takes her to his home (a shack made out of dirt) where she eventually dies. Though not very talkative, she’s still better company than Luther, the grimy and hygienically bankrupt inbred hick (it’s like looking in another mirror) who lives nearby.

Cold Storage

Clive cares for “Rosalie” by bathing her in disinfectant (what the heck – it does the job), washing her hair (which falls out in clumps) and outfits her in a wedding dress (white – who does she thinks she’s kidding?). But summer in Tennessee is not only humid, it works its decaying magic on the stinkified corpse, attracting flies by the squadron.

Cold Storage

While Clive needs to run into town for more supplies (disinfectant, pest strips, soup), Luther helps himself to the greasy body. If you need me to explain that, you’re either hick dumb or as disgusting as all of ’em.

Cold Storage

Piecing together clues leads Cathy and Daric (worried sis and wimpy ex) to the Shack of Freshness Expired Love. I’ll stop right here as what you’re about to see is both cleverly staged and icky.

Cold Storage

Speaking of, there are several big time ick moments, but it’s the one where Clive “brushes” his exceptionally rotted teeth with a straight edge razor. This is a true flinch moment and will make you run out and buy a gallon of toothpaste and some disinfectant. I hear you can get both on sale in Tennessee.

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