All That Cremains


Uh, oh, a funeral home guy did something he wasn’t supposed to do — cremate two bodies at the same time to save money. Problem was, he got the ashes mixed up, and the barbecued leftovers of a little girl and a serial killer were combined. You can bet the funeral guy got in big trouble for this, but you don’t know how deep the death doo doo is until the end of this ambitious and inventive indie vid.


So begins Cremains (20010), a trilogy of horror with the narrative wrap-around. Funeral Dude recants several tales of horror to a couple of disembodied voices that are questioning him about his questionable ethics/business practices. (Note to self: don’t talk to ghosts – they’re big time scary.)

One morbid story finds a woman driving through a weird community looking for a sacrificial something-or-other for Jerry, the town snake.

The next is a nasty short about a suicide counselor helping teens realize their whiny, attention-getting threats at offing themselves.

In the third, a woman believes she’s being stalked by a neck-licking vampire that used to be her girlfriend. (Friendship sucks.)


To wrap things up, the mom of the little girl who died made a deal with a witch to bring back her daughter. All the bitc…, uh, witch needs is the ashes from the freshly-roasted girl. See where this is going?


Lots of bare boobies, rumps, a little gore (including a guy getting his head run over by his own car), and a death-seeking creature whose face looks like a burnt summer camp marshmallow. What’s not to like?

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