Neighborhood Werewolf

Never Cry Werewolf

In a plot lifted directly from 1985’s Fright Night, a handsome addition to the neighborhood moves into the creepy house next door to a single mom, her young son and hot teen daughter. Intrigued over potential bulges, the teen chick spies at him through a telescope meant for looking at Uranus. It’s there she sees him bring a hottie home for feeling up purposes in a scene that mimics Fright Night (1985) frame for frame. She immediately suspects him to be a werewolf (FN’s neighbor was a vampire).

Never Cry Werewolf

An intersection of blatantly rubber-stamped events leads up to the werewolf shedding its skin, growing huge metal fangs and looking like an inside-out doggy. Suddenly turning into Rambo, the chick (she looks like Christina Ricci, but not as top-heavy) grabs a nearby gun, some silver bullets that also just happens to be nearby, and blasts the pup into pulp. Everybody thinks TV celebrity ass Redd Tucker did it, but he’s a big phony. (Kevin Sorbo in a cookie-cutter role templated by Roddy McDowall’s TV vampire hunter, Peter Vincent. It’s cool how I know all this stuff.)

Never Cry Werewolf

During the confrontation the gal gets marked by the werewolf and her soul belongs to him for all eternity, blah, blah, blah. The punk rock pizza delivery boy gets turned into the new familiar (complete with nose ring and fuchsia streaks in his fur). The werewolf looks sorta cool, but has a plastic face. The chick is mostly wolf whistle worthy.

Never Cry Werewolf

But the rest of Never Cry Werewolf (2008) is too “been there, chewed on that” to be of much interest. I’m jaded. So what. You try reviewing 1,887 horror/sci-fi movies and see how objective YOU are.

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