Peculiar Kids, Space Infection and Directions to Hell

Miss Peregrine's Home For Peculiar Children

Another batch of visual goodies gearing up to ransack your wallet/purse/fanny pack. (Note to my accountant – can I deduct the cost of popcorn, Peanut M&Ms™, red vines, Diet Coke™, hot dogs, and smuggled bottles of airline liquor from my taxes if I say that going to the movies is work related?

Anyway, the book-based Miss Peregrine’s Home for Peculiar Children, the upcoming (2016) Tim Burton horror-ish fantasy movie, goes like this: “When Jacob discovers clues to a mystery that spans different worlds and times, he finds Miss Peregrine’s Home for Peculiar Children. But the mystery and danger deepen as he gets to know the residents and learns about their special powers.”

I liked it better when it was called X-Men (2000).

Virus: Extreme Contamination

Up next is the dork titled Virus: Extreme Contamination (release pending 2016): “An Italian scientist travels to Kosovo to study the impact of a meteorite that is the cause of strange events. Once there, he discovers that the object has been moved to a near military base where all the people were turned into dangerous weird creatures.”

When doesn’t a meteorite cause weird stuff /real estate damage? As if it needs to be said, when aren’t people on the bus dangerous weird creatures? The fact that we all are is what’s keeping aliens from colonizing Earth. And yes, they always have to wipe their space shoes after visiting this flat/round planet of ours.

Death House

Death House (release pending 2016) shows promise, if only for the stellar genre cast that stars the guys who played Freddy Krueger, Machete, Jason Voorhees, Pinhead, and that gal who starred in that legendary rape revenge movie I Spit On Your Grave (1978). Here’s what happens in the house of death…

“Two federal agents fight their way through nine levels of Hell inside a secret prison known as the Death House. A facility-wide prison break turns their flight into a tour of horrors as they push toward the ultimate evil housed in the lowest depths of the earth.”

Sounds like someone’s been hanging out at the Poggie Tavern during “What Passes As Ladies” Night again.

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