The Age of Sharks

The Shallows

Makes sense that the stunningly gorgeous Blake Lively would go from The Age of Adaline (2015) – a dreamy-eyed romance story with a sci-fi twist – to starring in a shark horror movie. She’s quite yummy – and sharks love to eat yummy things.

The Shallows

Hitting the shores June 24, 2016, The Shallows has Blake as a surfer on a secluded beach getting attacked by a great white and stranded on a pile of sharp-y coral, bleeding and screaming – two more things sharks totally love. She’s 200 yards from shore. The shark is between her and safety sand. That’s the whole plot. And that’s all we need.

The Shallows

Doesn’t suck that Blake is in a string bikini the ENTIRE MOVIE. Or that the shark has a mouth built for two. But because Blake is a big time movie star, it’s no spoiler to assume she’s gonna come out of this alive. Not her surf board, though. (Sorry to spoil that for you.)

The Shallows

The last truly scary shark movie in recent memory was The Reef (2010), in which a few people on a sinking sailboat in the middle of the ocean, decide to swim to a shore they can’t see in any direction. While they’re making paddle, a great white shark is shadowing them the whole way, making snack runs when feeling peckish. Here’s the kicker – the movie uses a real shark, as they did in Open Water (2004).

The Reef / Open Water

Your best bet to survive a shark attack in the middle of the ocean is to pollute the water. So make sure you load up on Taco Bell™ before sailing on a non-seaworthy boat or doing any discount scuba diving.

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