Sucking in the 2000s

Dracula 2000

Drac is back and on the attack. (I should be a rapper; All I need is some fresh beats.) In an interesting updating of the vampire monarch’s diet of throats and human ketchup, Dracula 2000 (2000) takes place in the present, with Van HelsingDracula’s nemesis – also returning, keeping himself alive for 100 years with daily injections of D’s blood, as filtered through wiggly leeches. Eeewww!

Dracula 2000

Van Helsing keeps Drac’s body in an underground vault where hi-tech robbers believe there’s gold or discount coupons for yachts and corvettes. There’s not. So they steal the coffin and let the bat out of the bag.

Dracula 2000

The hunt takes everyone to New Orleans where Dracula 2000 sniffs out Van Helsing’s hotty Daughter 2000, who also pumps filtered vampire blood through her sexy veins. Why she doesn’t take off her clothes to combat eternal evil is anyone’s guess. (Dracula is such a wuss; always chasing after chicks who don’t want him.)

Dracula 2000

A few decapitations, a couple of impalings, a few laughs. The pacing is slow, Drac-Q-Lah isn’t particularly menacing, but there is a brief flash of boobs, Dracula’s other favorite body part to suck on. Otherwise, not the wholesale bloodfest it needed to be.

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