Papier-Mâché Horror

Kill Them And Eat Them

Dr. Gore has been rounding up victims with which to experiment. With a name like that, it’s pretty much a given. The end result of such scientific endeavors yields mutants, who look uncannily like the filmmaker’s friends wearing handmade papier-mâché monster masks. Amazing what science can do.

Kill Them And Eat Them

Gore’s assistant wants the formula so he can take it a step further and create an army of papier-mâché masked creatures to wreak vengeance upon his enemies. While I’m not sure how many enemies a man of science can accrue, it seems like a good idea.

Kill Them And Eat Them

What isn’t a good idea is this entire movie. Yeah, it’s a horror comedy. (At least it better be – it’d be really stupid of these guys to pass this stuff off as serious). The dialogue wouldn’t stand up on a 3rd grade playground. The special effects are centered around how much blood they can make leak out of severed rubber hands.

KIll Them And Eat Them

But the worst part – besides everything – is showing the mutants in broad daylight. The mutant masks are so laughable (one looks like piles of glossy dog crap caked on the “actor’s” face), you wonder if they were made by artists with severed hands. Lots of kills, but no eating of.

If you’re gonna throw a title like Kill Them And Eat Them (2005) out there, you better have someone killing and eating something. Like me, for instance. I just killed two hours of my life and ate $1.99 renting this pooper-mâché.

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